We all say we want commitment, you know a man that can commit. But then, what does this commitment mean to us exactly? What is our definition of commitment? We date a fun guy that maybe his own definition of commitment is taking a woman or his lady, on several dates and when I mean date, i mean lots of dates so he could get in bed with her or probably she could use her initiative and give him what he wants.
Some guys think relationships are all about asking a girl out, taking her out a couple of times and then she should reciprocate by going to visit him (that’s if his that decent to invite you to his place or probably want to show his place off), help clean his place (wife material), cook for him and last but definitely not the least have sex with him. Before you know it, you are in a relationship and we girls ask ourselves, is this how it going to be? Playing house with this guy that is not even my husband. Where is this going? What I’m I doing? Meanwhile the guy is thinking; I have a girl now, I don’t need to impress her. We don’t need to go out so much; if I do, it should be with my guys. Why do I need to get married now, when I have what I need right here.
Meanwhile, some guys think to be in a relationship is doing everything they think the girl wants and when they get want they want from the lady, they start doing what they want. Then the relationship starts having issues, that’s when he remembers how she used to be very moody and controlling, selfish and demanding. Because at that point he really doesn’t care what she thinks about him and she can leave the relationship for all he cares. Yes. Leave the relationship for all he cares! He knows it’s over, he just doesn’t know how to confront the situation, rather he provokes her enough to break the relationship hence she’s the bad one. So he can tell the next girl he meets that his ex-dumped him. They are never to blame; trust me the ladies are always the problem *rolls eyes*.
And most of us ladies fall this victims because will I say we are too good or we actually have a heart? Or some of us are just masochists that enjoy being victims. Because the truth is a relationship takes two people; it involves two people. Therefore if it ends, they look for whom to blame but if it gets stronger, it’s both of you. If it doesn’t work out, then it wasn’t meant to be. That’s why it’s good to move on from a failed relationship (no matter how bad) because I’m sure you did everything you could. Love is not forced neither is it planned; yeah I know loneliness is a b@#ch! But how can you find love, if you can’t give yourself a break to think and know where everything went wrong, you know like what you did wrong, what he did wrong, what kind of guys you love dating, why you date those type of guys, what type of guy is good for you and why he is good for you and when you see these guys that are bad for you, what you should do about the situation.
The Sex Guy
You know I was with this guy that thought the only way he could get me to bed was to wine and dine me. It’s not like it doesn’t work for most girls, it does but not when you make it so obvious. This guy took me to places he loved; I wouldn’t really call it the typical wining and dining. Although he took me to the movies because I love movies and night restaurants (in my country we call them Joints) and he assumed that was enough for me to go to bed with him. But the truth is we ladies know when you guys are pretending to be nice and gentlemanly, some of us just ignore maybe because we are probably horny and need some action or you are too cute, we don’t want to let go just yet. While some of us don’t want to deceive ourselves and call a spade a spade (or in this case call a player, a player). Or some of us love the game and want to play along hoping and believing one day, you will change and love only them. The truth is we know!
As I was saying about this guy, just a month and some weeks in the relationship, it was my birthday already. This guy wanted to “impress me” or maybe tell the other guys at my place of work that I have a boyfriend; he sent a birthday cake to my office and drinks for my colleagues. I was a bit impress but it wasn’t really necessary especially since we just started dating and I’m not a show off. But I just went along with it. My working hours ended for the day and I decided to “thank” him properly, it’s not what you are thinking. My definition of “thanking” is having a quiet dinner, communicating and
probably making out, though it was the same
day of his fellowship. Hence, no quiet dinner! I didn’t want to come between
him and his God but I just thought with all the gesture, he would want us to
have a quiet time on my birthday night. I was not happy about being alone that
night so he changed his mind and decided to spend my birthday night with me.
After all, you are trying to be a boyfriend for the day; you might as well
complete it right. Anyways his own definition of me thanking him was probably
insisting we lodge in a hotel room so I can open my package, if you know what I
Well, it didn’t happen and I could tell he was disappointed and maybe wondering when we could finally have this sex already. Although in the beginning of the “relationship” I told him sex was a big deal to me. ‘That I won’t do just because I’m in the mood but because I want to and I trust who I’m doing it with’. Every relationship doesn’t have to end up in marriage but I believe there should be a form of respect and friendship between the both of you (and yes I know what is called a fling) but some girls are just not like that. So should that change their believe or values in relationships?
Back to this guy, like the typical guy after one thing; after the birthday rendezvous, he started acting out. he hardly called (the same guy that called three times a day in the beginning), giving excuses like he’s car is bad, he has a church program, blah,blah blah….. You see, what I don’t get is this; this girl told you from the start how she felt about sex before marriage. What were you thinking? That she will change her mind as long as you keep being a gentleman, for how long? Really, how long do you plan to keep pretending? Being the smart girl that I am, you failed! Okay, be a man then and end the relationship maturely since you are not getting what you want. No you won’t. You’ll wait for her to do the breakup for you and then make her feel like s!@t! Pretend like you want to make amends, having hopes that she would come around someday, yet you don’t want to be involved (be her boyfriend).Not all ladies want that s#@t, unless they are desperate.
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