On the second
month of my IT, I lost my dad…it was the most horrifying time of my life. I had
never lost anyone that close to me before, so it was tough. My boyfriend
attended the funeral in my village and somehow we became close again; I shared
a lot of things with him and he could also relate with it. I didn’t want to go
home immediately so I followed him back to school after the funeral. He took
care of me during that period, I felt numb, something in me changed.
I began to see life differently, I guess, I grew up. It was very painful because I wasn’t with him when he died so I decided to do things that would only make him proud. I knew the pains he took to train my brothers, sister and I in school and I didn’t want to disappoint him. After some days, I didn’t have sex with my boyfriend and I went back to Lagos.
After some
months, my Industrial training was over and the next year was my final year. I
dint want to stay in the hostel so I paid for a lodge with a female friend.
Having sex and getting pregnant would really disappoint my dad and since I
didn’t want disappoint him, I decided not to have sex (besides my course mates were getting knocked up;
some had an abortion while others gave birth) with my boyfriend but I didn’t
tell him that, I just gave excuses about it being painful. We had foreplay and
stuff but I didn’t want sex; I wasn’t so crazy about his affairs anymore, I was
just tired of trying so hard. My grades were so poor the year before that I
wanted to get my act back together. It’s not that I didn’t love him anymore; I
just didn’t want to lose myself in the relationship, I wanted to be better, do
better. I have always been independent and learnt at an early age to do things
on my own but I got lost in my relationship that my dad’s death was the only
thing that woke me up from that. I realized we would all die someday, why do I
have to live my life being frustrated cause a guy cannot see what’s in front of
him? Life is too short to be in a toxic relationship.
I felt violated;
we talked about it the next day. He said he’s been starved of sex and loves me
so much that he needed it so bad and I said he should have told me how he was
feeling that I’m his girlfriend. He said if he mentioned it, I wouldn’t want to
cause of the pain so he hoped if he did it while I was asleep I won’t feel the
pain that much. The experience just kept pushing me farther away from him; when
I think about what my Uncle did to me and what my boyfriend was doing, it made
me not to trust being at his side or with him. I felt betrayed because I told
him about my Uncle before we became intimate, he should have known better. All
these were signs that the relationship
was not going anywhere nor had any future.
I began to see life differently, I guess, I grew up. It was very painful because I wasn’t with him when he died so I decided to do things that would only make him proud. I knew the pains he took to train my brothers, sister and I in school and I didn’t want to disappoint him. After some days, I didn’t have sex with my boyfriend and I went back to Lagos.
A friend from a
Christian club I attended called to send his condolences and we kept in touch
since then.
The truth is,
the relationship was over before I realized it, I was just the one fighting to
make it work until I wasn’t. I just stuck around cause I didn’t want to date
anyone again before I graduated; the minute people find out I’m single, guys
would flood me and I needed to concentrate on graduating. I had issues with my
roommate so I abandoned the apartment I went to live with my boyfriend but
there was no sex happening…It was like we were brothers and sisters. At first
he felt I was still down cause of my dad’s death and didn’t want to have sex,
so he understood but he was becoming frustrated and I wasn’t helping matters;
some nights I would sleep naked. One night, as I slept he tried to do it from
the back; I caught him after I started feeling pain in my anus each time I used
the bathroom. Usually, I sleep like a log of wood and that is why my uncle
could molest me without me knowing but that night I was not deeply asleep ,so I
felt his parts there and I moved.
My dating experience :My first love Part 4
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