Is she your girlfriend? What do you really want?

Who is this?  At least that’s what I wanted to ask when I saw your whatsapp status but I said “who is the birthday girl?” I think I know the reply.  Do I really want to know?

So you have a girlfriend now? SMH. If she is not, why do you have to go through the trouble of wishing her a happy birthday at 12:05am with a love-kiss emoji? Even if she is not your girlfriend now, I'm sure you'd like her to be. I've been on my own, believing men are distractions and a waste of my time, I've been through relationships, dates - the ones that lasted and the ones that didn’t. I'm done with all that sh-t, I thought... Now here I am again, thinking I love you and want to be with you, silly me.

You started it, calling me pet names and giving me attention. Now that you've got my attention, all of a sudden you have a girlfriend. Now that you know how I feel, you are invincible, a free agent...

This is why I'm mean, this is why I act like I don't care, and this is why I hate (that’s a strong word, I know but you get what I mean) men. What do you really want?  I'm not just a sex toy that is waiting to be played with, I'm a human being that needs and deserves love, companionship, family…What gave you the impression that I want to be f--ked and waved goodbye? What gave you the impression that my heart is made of stone and don't feel - that it would be okay to toy with my heart and I'll be fine.  After all I have a lot of guys asking me out right? I'll be on to the next one before you (or I) know it. Do you need me to wear a slogan T-shirt saying "I don't want to be f--ked crazy (at least not only), I want and deserve love". Or that would still make you think I'm looking for attention. Why not leave me alone?  Just as I don't have a sign on my forehead that I want to be loved, I also don't have a sign saying I want to be f--ked.

Though I've not seen your reply, I know what you would say. "She is a friend" - if you are nice enough not to hurt my feelings," we go way back”, “she is my sister” -uh, yeah right! “We have something, there is history there”.... But how come you didn't mention her till now?  Oh I get, cause after you told me you love me("know that I love you")and I told you I do too ,you got scared cause you also know I don't want sex before marriage -how are you going to date my fine self without sex right?  Obviously why your head feels heavy - you finally got me interested but I'm not offering what you want (or is it all you want?).

Why do men do this? Yes I know I'm fine and got what you want but why lie to me? I'm not a child nor I'm I stupid...how do you think it would be so simple? That you would chat me up every night, call me a few times, call me pet names, get my attention and I'll just let you have me? Wow!  You must think all pretty girls are stupid or single girls are desperate (we have our moments but definitely not stupid to know when you are just being a player). Seriously, if you have a girlfriend why lead other girls on?

What is on my mind right now?

Um, there are a lot of things on my mind but right now is staring at my blog account, seeing how i have not been able to post anything fo...