The next day, I was waiting for my
boyfriend, the agent, anyone… Thankfully, he arrived in the afternoon - he
went to the agent house for the key before he came. I was so relieved; I hugged
him and he joked about me being locked up. I followed him to give the key back
to the agent.
My boyfriend only called twice since we
broke up. Though I said he should not call, I was hurt...you know how girls are…I didn't mean he
should never call me; I just need some time apart. He didn't really put any
effort that it felt like he wanted the breakup as well. With my project, a new
guy asking me out and coming to an end of my degree, I didn't think about him
much. After a week, we got back for our defense, we did good, said our goodbyes
and my friend Agnes and I travelled back to the west.
We got back to his apartment, spent the
night (I think…
to be honest I can't really remember if that was the day I decided we should
break up or if it was the next day - It was probably that day). Before now we
barely quarreled because he was far away and I was just tired of being insanely
jealous wondering what he is doing when I'm not there. You know what they say; “Whenever woman stops
complaining or nagging about your behavior, just know that she doesn’t care anymore. But
most guys think it's because she has found someone else but trust me, it's not
always the case. There was a lot of distrust in the relationship that I was losing
myself.
Anyways it happened on an afternoon and I said “I need to talk to you”. We sat on the bed
and I asked about our future plans, he said “when we get to that bridge we would know how to
cross it “. And I said “but this is my final year and you have another
year, what happens next? “ He said “why are you asking this now?” I said “because I want to
know”. He
kept saying I should relax that we don't have to talk about this now. The thing is I
realized each time we talked about our future, he never takes them seriously. I
also wondered what being in a relationship with him after school would be like.
When I barely had rest of mind while we were together, is it when we are so
many kilometers apart that I would be alright… would probably have heart attack thinking about
his infidelity. So I said: “each time I talk
about our future you have nothing reasonable to say, I’m tired. We need to
end this before it gets worse”. He said: what gets worse?
Our relationship,
it’s not
growing, there are no plans, I might not see you again till God knows when, its
better we end it now”. - I said
It was raining, so we used that time to
talk. When the rain stopped, I took some of my things and left. I told him I
love him and this was the hardest thing I’d have to do but its right for me. I wasn’t happy in the
relationship, I’ve
been fighting myself to be with you, and I don't even know myself anymore. He
followed me as I left and begged me to at least stay the night (hoping he could
change my mind) but I didn't want to, I was done with him, the apartment,
everything….
I just needed a fresh start. He shed a tear and pleaded but I asked him to let
me go, i just couldn’t do it anymore. So I got on a bike and left for
my friend’s
apartment. I began to cry on the bike as I left, I wiped my face as I got to my
friend’s
apartment. They were around and I just needed someone to give me a hug, I told
them about it and they comforted me. I cried all night but they urged me to be
strong that I had to prepare for my exams.
My boyfriend called me the next morning
(he probably didn't believe I would have the courage to leave him, it probably
felt like a dream - it's not like he did anything wrong at that particular time,
just accumulation of resentment) and I told him to please stop calling that I
have made up my mind...he left the same day.
Though I was going through a breakup,
the relationship felt like it was over a long before. And since I had exams to
prep for, I didn't need any distractions and I had to place all my energy on
passing my exams. A part of me wanted him to fight for me (though I didn't know
it at the time),another part of me felt free, like I could be myself again -
not centering my life around a guy.
One of my mature friends that date men
off campus was kind-of my inspiration; she was independent, knew what she
wanted and took life easy. I just wanted to believe there is more to life than
being in a relationship that wasn't working, that was toxic and driving me
insane.
We were through with our exams and we
had our project left to defend. We had three weeks left to defend our project,
so my friends and I decided to go on an adventure. That ATC guy: he lives in
the northern part of Nigeria, invited members of the club to attend his birthday.
So my friends and I hopped on a bus and went. It was a fun birthday, the next
day, he took me out and told me he likes me and would like a relationship (I'm
pretty sure he said He would like to “court” me…I think). It was cute, he was nice, he wasn't a
student, i needed a rebound… I accepted.
He was my first love and as they say,
you never forget your first. He is married (last year) now, after years of
wondering if we would get back together and if he was right for me. The thing is
he was the first guy I had sex with and I thought the guy I give my virginity
to would be my husband, so it was really hard letting go, I had this fantasy of
having a family with him; with four kids in a six bedroom home with an office,
tennis court, library, theatre room and a pool. I thought I had figured my
future all out but I was wrong, guess it’s part of growing up right?
Having our own plans not knowing God has
a different one for us most times. Did I feel weird when I saw his wedding photos,
yeah I did (more like damn he married before me! and he is a guy, lol) but I
don't regret that I'm not his wife (I couldn’t live with a liar and cheat anyways). After we
broke up he had a lot of chances to be with me but he didn't really do much
about it, so it was definitely for the best.
Check here for My dating experience:My first love Part 5{cont'd}
Check here for My dating experience:My first love Part 5{cont'd}