What happens if you lose your virginity before 22?

What happens after you lose your virginity? Well, life happens, you move on. You are still you – well with a broken hymen (ah, that sounds gross!). Well, it’s not that big a deal, I’ll tell you my story;

Losing my virginity was with my first boyfriend –we dated for two years before I decided to give it up. It was during my university days; I always had this notion that whoever would take my virginity would be my husband, lol - how naive of me.

Anyways, I fell in love but I was always scared of penetration. There was this girl in my hostel that guys bragged about having intercourse with her.  I’m on the big size, well tall because I was quite slim in school. This girl was really petite and yet guys would brag about doing all kinds of things to her and I wondered –how can someone this small have intercourse – again, very naive of me.

So on the faithful day, one hot afternoon, I paid my boyfriend a visit and told him I was ready. He kept asking if I was sure and I told him “I am” that I just want to get it over with. So we did it.

I won’t advise anyone to do it for the first time the way we did it. Maybe it’s because we both watched adult movies, I just can’t explain why I decided to be on top for the first time...

It was very painful, I didn’t bleed but I felt a pep-perish pain every time water touched there.

Having intercourse for the first time was uncomfortable; my boyfriend then was quite endowed but didn’t know how to use it so it kind of bruised me a little.

How long you should wait before losing you virginity

You can wait for as long as you want. There is no fixed age to lose your virginity but you should be above 18 at most. It should be with someone you love and loves you back. It should be with someone that respects you.

If I would have to advise whether to do it early, I would say don’t. Why rush? After having intercourse for the first time, depending on the experience, you would want to keep having it. Though I don't advice to do it so early; I’m a Christian and believe it should be done with your spouse and it shouldn’t be something you just give freely.

With the world we live in today, people don’t take intercourse as a big deal anymore –it’s like taking a shower or brushing your teeth for most people but it shouldn’t be so.

Love making should be with someone you love and trust, someone that even though it doesn’t work out, you have no regrets cause it was a beautiful relationship. You just have to be sure of who you decide to give your body to.

Also, make sure you are safe  guys…I can’t stress that enough. You don’t want to get one disease or more from anyone; it’s very uncomfortable and could be deadly.

Do you walk differently after losing your virginity?

You don’t look any different, though you will feel different. Just like when Adam and Eve were exposed to the forbidden fruit –well not that drastic but you get my point.

You don’t walk differently unless you had to be in a very uncomfortable position for hours (no one have intercourse for hours…); you are still the same person and walk the same.

Intercourse is a natural activity, our bodies and hormones are wired for it. Was I glad I lost my virginity at 20?  It’s a little bittersweet. At the time, my boyfriend and I were in a serious relationship –well at least that is what I thought but I just wished I waited a little and not rush the intercourse process.

But all the same, it happened, I moved on, I’m still me. So don’t worry about losing your virginity before 22, as long as you are sure of whom you are doing it with and you are keeping safe. 

And if you decide to lose your virginity after 22, it’s still fine. Like I said, no specific time to lose your virginity, just follow your heart and listen to your body (trust me, your body have a way of telling you if it’s ready to have IT, especially for ladies).

Why you should not make your boyfriend jealous

Most of us, especially young couples feel the need to make their boyfriend/girlfriend jealous, why do we do this though? Is it to get attention, to spice up the relationship or just to play games?

Relationships comes with everything; the happy, the sad, the good, the bad and the ugly but it takes people that really love and respect each other to know that they don’t need to make the other person feel jealous. This is why you should not try to make your boyfriend jealous;

Someone always get hurt

Someone always gets hurt in the process. I remember myuniversity days when I tried to make my boyfriend jealous by always meeting with his friend. The thing is, I had no idea that his friends had a plan to set me up – well, cause of how my then boyfriend bragged about me (Also, his friend secretly liked me).

So this best friend bet with his other friends that he would get me. My boyfriend and I were having a misunderstanding and his friend kind of took advantage of it –it was funny how he happened to be there when I needed someone, looking back it all made sense. Though we had a lot in common, so it wasn’t always bad meeting up but I just hung out because I assumed he would tell his friend, my boyfriend that he saw me.

To cut the story short, it didn’t end well. He kissed me shockingly and I told him I would have to tell my boyfriend about it. He begged me not to that his girlfriend would not forgive him. I know his girlfriend and we have this group couple thing we did that I didn’t want to ruin that; without knowing this guy had an agenda.

I stopped seeing him but I could not keep lying to my boyfriend, so I told him and we almost broke up for it. After that time the trust was lost and the relationship was not the same, even though we tried.

Love is not a game

I know some people might argue about this, given the multiple dating apps and shows. Also the fact that men love to play games but I tell you, true love does not play games -maybe in the beginning when you all are trying to get to know one another, not a serious relationship.

Someone that really loves you will be there for you and give you the attention you need that you don’t need to seek it from someone else or make him jealous to notice.

It’s a waste of time

Take it from someone who has played all the games (hmm, maybe not all but a good amount)…it’s not worth it and it’s a total waste of time. Just imagine playing games with someone that doesn’t even care about you. What’s the point? Why waste your energy on a relationship that is not working.

If he/she can’t see how awesome you are and you need to bring someone else in the picture, then he is not the one for you and you are just wasting your time.

That same energy used to make him jealous, use the same to make you happy. Use it to learn new things. Start a new hobby, watch your favorite show, take a nap (cause, boy! is very exhausting looking for attention or trying to get someone that doesn’t care about you to notice).

If you feel the need to make your boyfriend jealous, maybe it’s time to validate the relationship.

Conclusion

Like most genuine married couples say; “When you meet your own, you just know – though I am not married (this is also for married couples) yet I believe it’s when you meet that person ,you have this sense of peace and like you have found home (hmm, a new home since you had a home before he/she arrived). Besides why would someone that wants to be with you, waste time with you or make you feel any less than you deserve? That’s when you should know, it’s not just it.

Although some people just love the games aka “DRAMA”, if you meet the one and believe in your heart of hearts that he/she is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, trust me you don’t need to make him/her jealous. It would only hurt them and bring problem to the relationship.

Also knowing that “if it’s meant to be, it will be” but why make someone feel unloved to test them only to lose them and they come back to begin the episode again? It’s draining and no one has the time to keep going back and fought when they could easily be with someone that treats them otherwise.  Everyone wants to feel loved and be loved, so before you think of making him/her jealous, think of the consequences and if the relationship is worth it.

Is it wise to make your boyfriend/girlfriend jealous? And why do you think it is? Share in the comment section.

 


My Dating experience :Letter to an unnecessary Ex

Here's a letter to my ex that shouldn't have been an ex in the first place;

Dear Valentine,

I kept on thinking about our conversation after we ended the call yesterday and I just haven't gotten over it. I'm just sad.


After saying you were testing me, it got me thinking how someone that claims to love you would use your weakness against you. You once said you couldn't figure me out and that I should help you out. I didn't want to cause I feared what would happen ,yet I opened up and told you about things that get me upset, I even explained my mood swings that time of the month. But you chose to "test " me after I spoke to you about my colleagues.

After you flared up about video call ( when you should have been honest with me about it from the start),have I ever talked about it with you since then? No!  Because I know it's not something you like and I don't want to upset you. That is what people that love each other do. They both know their strength and weaknesses, though no one is perfect.,they bring out more of their strengths, not weaknesses,they try as much as possible never to see that side of the person.

I just told you how it has been stressful at work but you felt it was the best time to "test" me . There's this saying that when you are looking for something, you always find it. Is the relationship that boring that you thought you should be negative towards me? If you getting tired of the relationship, why not just say so, than trying to make my weakness the reason for the breakup when you deliberately wanted to make me angry.

What if I decided to play your games and pretend I wasn't upset, I keep pretending and you feel I'm "wife material " enough, then  we eventually get married and all those things bundling up just come out?

Did getting me upset make you feel better?if it did then you are not the one for me. It only made things worse - I don't need to make excuses for my anger but you knew how stressed I was, my period around the corner but that was the right time to trigger me? Love is about understanding and I don't think you understand me. Cause if you did you wouldn't feel the need to test me negatively.

To be honest, I don't think you were testing me, you were actually upset and talked to me like I was nothing. But cause things got out of hand, you say you were testing me (and I failed right?). How would you feel if I decide to "test" you or do things that gets you upset? Won't you react? And don't give me the talk about being a "man", women are human beings too.  Ego or not, you don't treat people bad in the name of testing them ;that using their weaknesses against them,talk more of someone you claim to love.

When you asked about my sister while we were arguing on the phone and I told you, she can't talk to me right now and you said it's cause she is afraid of me and everyone in  my family . See how you jump into conclusions? You already have an idea of who you think I am ,without even coming close to know.  My sister and family are not afraid of me, we (in my family) just have boundaries and know when to give each other space and it takes understanding to be able to do that. They know me and i know them :we try as much as we can to avoid conflict or anything that will upset the other person. We don't go looking for conflict, we always want peace.


If there is anything you feel you don't like about  me and you can't tolerate it, we should talk about it and move on (together or not). Not using something that has nothing to do with it as the issue.
I need peace in my life, and I can't be with someone that doesn't want to understand me, that judges me or try to belittle me to feel good about themselves. If you want to get to know me, you don't have to keep triggering me negatively - it's not healthy . Why not do something positive to understand /get to know me?

I have been through a lot in my life that it's a miracle I still give out positivity. I still shine in all the darkness and try to give light wherever I am that when people that are patient enough to hear my story listen ,they don't believe I went through all that. So why would you want to dim my light?that is not the idea I had of a partner.

You once called me your nigga/G ,I highly doubt that I am. If I was really your nigga (or in my way of understanding "your person "),you would respect me and take out more time to know me. So as far as I know, you are not my person - my person would know my period calendar, moods... My person would know the time and place... If that makes sense.
I'd rather like to know if this can go forward fruitfully or not now and not be misled later on.  That way, we could go our separate ways amicably since we have not invested much apart from our time.

If we want to continue, I hope it only gets better. If not, I hope you find someone that understands and respects you as much as you do them. Cause that is what I wish for myself and wont settle until I do.

Yeah, so I wrote this after a horrible dating experience with someone I wasn't interested in at first but he persistent and I decided to give him a chance but it didn't go well two months in.  So I wrote this to him but never sent it - it was my way of closing that chapter and moving on...And it worked! It made me decide never to settle, if you are not who I want, I won't even bother.  Hope you enjoyed reading?



My Dating experience :My First Love Part 6

The next day, I was waiting for my boyfriend, the agent, anyone Thankfully, he arrived in the afternoon - he went to the agent house for the key before he came. I was so relieved; I hugged him and he joked about me being locked up. I followed him to give the key back to the agent.

My dating experience :My First Love Part 5 {Cont'd}

We arrived for second semester and it was my last semester in that School. I was excited cause I didn't have to worry about getting through with some courses; not like they were hard but you know they are some annoying lecturers that just enjoy failing people while some just want you to bribe them not to...Either way, I was excited but not too excited cause I would miss my friends.

My dating experience :My First Love Part 5

It was the first semester of my final year,i was preparing for my exams and living with my boyfriend - it wasn't  a wise choice.  Sometimes, we (my boyfriend and I)  would study together, other times I'd go for night class and study there. I got used to my boyfriend not making me a priority, keeping late nights, being too friendly with his female neighbors and probably cheating that I was just not interested anymore. We were just living like roommates...

My Dating Experience :My First Love {Part 4} Cont'd


On the second month of my IT, I lost my dad…it was the most horrifying time of my life. I had never lost anyone that close to me before, so it was tough. My boyfriend attended the funeral in my village and somehow we became close again; I shared a lot of things with him and he could also relate with it. I didn’t want to go home immediately so I followed him back to school after the funeral. He took care of me during that period, I felt numb, something in me changed.

My Dating Experience :My First Love {Part 4}



The next semester was approaching; my boyfriend and I were already planning to meet before resumption. We missed each other so much we could not wait to see each other.  We finally met and had all kinds of sex, surprisingly it wasn’t bad, maybe it was cause I missed him so much or I was finally getting used to his manhood, I don’t know, lol…but it was good.

My Dating Experience : My First Love Part 3 {Cont'd}

And everything was fine…well for a while. The next day, I was still in bed (not just in the mood for lectures or seeing anyone) then I get a call from my boyfriend that he was downstairs. He said “Hey, I’m sorry, can I see you? I’m downstairs” I was so excited and I said “I’m coming”.  My eyes were still swollen from crying, I didn’t have anything to eat because I just didn’t have the appetite. I met him downstairs, he smiled and said he missed me and I should follow him home. We went home and continued like nothing happened.

I Had a Thing with my Neighbor {part 2}

I visited him one Sunday (either he comes to my apartment or I go to his) and we got freaky – I’ve never really enjoyed head in my thirty something years, I really don’t know why. Some say it’s probably the guy but I’m thinking what if it’s not *sigh*, they (not all guys I date I give head, just three to be precise) seem to enjoy it when I give them though. Anyways, we were laying on his bed and talking – then he mentions his girlfriend suspecting he has met someone new since she noticed he wasn’t communicating as he used to.

I Had a Thing With My Neighbor {Part 1}

I Had a Thing With My Neighbor {Part 1}

Well when I say a “thing” I don’t mean a fling, I barely do flings (and don’t judge anyone that does) –so it wasn’t a fling, what was it then? You ask…to be honest i don’t know but it was something. This happened when I got my own apartment, I didn’t know what to expect or to do what I did (trust me it wasn’t that big a deal…or was it? hmmm, maybe). I was just a single gal, looking for privacy and trying to make ends meet.

My Dating Experience : My First Love 2 {Cont'd}


The pageant was going on smoothly, I was just sitting watching my boyfriend talk and giggle with his best friend’s cousin like I wasn’t even there. They went on a music break and to ignore my boyfriend’s behavior, I went to the dance floor and saw a friend from my pre-science days with his male friend and we just started dancing together. As I danced I checked on my boyfriend to see if he was watching me or jealous I was dancing with someone else but he wasn’t looking my way.

My Dating Experience : My First Love 2

After spending few months with my elder sister that lives on her own, I got admission into the university. I was so excited but had no idea what to expect; the thought of being in another state for four years made me nervous but luckily I wasn’t alone, my brother got admission there as well. Since I didn’t have a space in the hostel yet, I had to crash at a childhood friend’s place and my bro did the same- there was no boys’ hostel, just girls hostel.

My Dating Experience : My First Love


I liked reading at night in class as well as some of our classmates and that was where we met most of the time. After some hours of reading we take walks outside and talk in the moonlight, it was so romantic. We discussed about our families; though I didn’t tell him I was from a broken home just yet, his dad was late at the time and he shared memories of him. I began to get comfortable with him that there was no other guy I was interested in. We shared our first kiss one night our class mate (it was a pre-degree program) had a party; I could not attend because my brother ordered me not to and surprisingly he ‘my first love’ didn’t attend as well. Before then I could not meet with him cause some guys reported me to my elder brother and he warned me not to go out with my him but I was miserable without him – I could not sleep and I kept thinking about him so I decided to go to class to keep my mind busy, I never knew I would meet him there.

My Dating Experience : Introduction

Dating according Wikipedia; Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.

Why I am currently single?

Why I am currently single?
Well I have been single for quite a while, like my last actual relationship was in 2011. The rest have just been flings (without sex I know right? How does that work?) –can you call it that though? Anyways relationships as most people say are ‘complicated’ and it just takes one to meet the right one (is there really a right one – well the one meant for you) for things to just work out. My first relationship was in the university and it was educative, heartbreaking, interesting, you know…a lot.

What Do You Think Women Want?Part 3

What Do You Think Women Want?Part 3

The Rich Guy (Cont'd)
I went home that night thinking, how did I meet such a rich and stable guy; the truth is ,apart from my university boyfriend  (well, there’s not much expectation there),the guys I have been dating have been either broke and just entering the labor force or are already working but still living with their parents. No one had a stable job, a fenced duplex …just very comfortable.