My Dating experience :Letter to an unnecessary Ex

Here's a letter to my ex that shouldn't have been an ex in the first place;

Dear Valentine,

I kept on thinking about our conversation after we ended the call yesterday and I just haven't gotten over it. I'm just sad.


After saying you were testing me, it got me thinking how someone that claims to love you would use your weakness against you. You once said you couldn't figure me out and that I should help you out. I didn't want to cause I feared what would happen ,yet I opened up and told you about things that get me upset, I even explained my mood swings that time of the month. But you chose to "test " me after I spoke to you about my colleagues.

After you flared up about video call ( when you should have been honest with me about it from the start),have I ever talked about it with you since then? No!  Because I know it's not something you like and I don't want to upset you. That is what people that love each other do. They both know their strength and weaknesses, though no one is perfect.,they bring out more of their strengths, not weaknesses,they try as much as possible never to see that side of the person.

I just told you how it has been stressful at work but you felt it was the best time to "test" me . There's this saying that when you are looking for something, you always find it. Is the relationship that boring that you thought you should be negative towards me? If you getting tired of the relationship, why not just say so, than trying to make my weakness the reason for the breakup when you deliberately wanted to make me angry.

What if I decided to play your games and pretend I wasn't upset, I keep pretending and you feel I'm "wife material " enough, then  we eventually get married and all those things bundling up just come out?

Did getting me upset make you feel better?if it did then you are not the one for me. It only made things worse - I don't need to make excuses for my anger but you knew how stressed I was, my period around the corner but that was the right time to trigger me? Love is about understanding and I don't think you understand me. Cause if you did you wouldn't feel the need to test me negatively.

To be honest, I don't think you were testing me, you were actually upset and talked to me like I was nothing. But cause things got out of hand, you say you were testing me (and I failed right?). How would you feel if I decide to "test" you or do things that gets you upset? Won't you react? And don't give me the talk about being a "man", women are human beings too.  Ego or not, you don't treat people bad in the name of testing them ;that using their weaknesses against them,talk more of someone you claim to love.

When you asked about my sister while we were arguing on the phone and I told you, she can't talk to me right now and you said it's cause she is afraid of me and everyone in  my family . See how you jump into conclusions? You already have an idea of who you think I am ,without even coming close to know.  My sister and family are not afraid of me, we (in my family) just have boundaries and know when to give each other space and it takes understanding to be able to do that. They know me and i know them :we try as much as we can to avoid conflict or anything that will upset the other person. We don't go looking for conflict, we always want peace.


If there is anything you feel you don't like about  me and you can't tolerate it, we should talk about it and move on (together or not). Not using something that has nothing to do with it as the issue.
I need peace in my life, and I can't be with someone that doesn't want to understand me, that judges me or try to belittle me to feel good about themselves. If you want to get to know me, you don't have to keep triggering me negatively - it's not healthy . Why not do something positive to understand /get to know me?

I have been through a lot in my life that it's a miracle I still give out positivity. I still shine in all the darkness and try to give light wherever I am that when people that are patient enough to hear my story listen ,they don't believe I went through all that. So why would you want to dim my light?that is not the idea I had of a partner.

You once called me your nigga/G ,I highly doubt that I am. If I was really your nigga (or in my way of understanding "your person "),you would respect me and take out more time to know me. So as far as I know, you are not my person - my person would know my period calendar, moods... My person would know the time and place... If that makes sense.
I'd rather like to know if this can go forward fruitfully or not now and not be misled later on.  That way, we could go our separate ways amicably since we have not invested much apart from our time.

If we want to continue, I hope it only gets better. If not, I hope you find someone that understands and respects you as much as you do them. Cause that is what I wish for myself and wont settle until I do.

Yeah, so I wrote this after a horrible dating experience with someone I wasn't interested in at first but he persistent and I decided to give him a chance but it didn't go well two months in.  So I wrote this to him but never sent it - it was my way of closing that chapter and moving on...And it worked! It made me decide never to settle, if you are not who I want, I won't even bother.  Hope you enjoyed reading?



My Dating experience :My First Love Part 6

The next day, I was waiting for my boyfriend, the agent, anyone Thankfully, he arrived in the afternoon - he went to the agent house for the key before he came. I was so relieved; I hugged him and he joked about me being locked up. I followed him to give the key back to the agent.

My dating experience :My First Love Part 5 {Cont'd}

We arrived for second semester and it was my last semester in that School. I was excited cause I didn't have to worry about getting through with some courses; not like they were hard but you know they are some annoying lecturers that just enjoy failing people while some just want you to bribe them not to...Either way, I was excited but not too excited cause I would miss my friends.

My dating experience :My First Love Part 5

It was the first semester of my final year,i was preparing for my exams and living with my boyfriend - it wasn't  a wise choice.  Sometimes, we (my boyfriend and I)  would study together, other times I'd go for night class and study there. I got used to my boyfriend not making me a priority, keeping late nights, being too friendly with his female neighbors and probably cheating that I was just not interested anymore. We were just living like roommates...

My Dating Experience :My First Love {Part 4} Cont'd


On the second month of my IT, I lost my dad…it was the most horrifying time of my life. I had never lost anyone that close to me before, so it was tough. My boyfriend attended the funeral in my village and somehow we became close again; I shared a lot of things with him and he could also relate with it. I didn’t want to go home immediately so I followed him back to school after the funeral. He took care of me during that period, I felt numb, something in me changed.

My Dating Experience :My First Love {Part 4}



The next semester was approaching; my boyfriend and I were already planning to meet before resumption. We missed each other so much we could not wait to see each other.  We finally met and had all kinds of sex, surprisingly it wasn’t bad, maybe it was cause I missed him so much or I was finally getting used to his manhood, I don’t know, lol…but it was good.

My Dating Experience : My First Love Part 3 {Cont'd}

And everything was fine…well for a while. The next day, I was still in bed (not just in the mood for lectures or seeing anyone) then I get a call from my boyfriend that he was downstairs. He said “Hey, I’m sorry, can I see you? I’m downstairs” I was so excited and I said “I’m coming”.  My eyes were still swollen from crying, I didn’t have anything to eat because I just didn’t have the appetite. I met him downstairs, he smiled and said he missed me and I should follow him home. We went home and continued like nothing happened.