What happens if you lose your virginity before 22?

What happens after you lose your virginity? Well, life happens, you move on. You are still you – well with a broken hymen (ah, that sounds gross!). Well, it’s not that big a deal, I’ll tell you my story;

Losing my virginity was with my first boyfriend –we dated for two years before I decided to give it up. It was during my university days; I always had this notion that whoever would take my virginity would be my husband, lol - how naive of me.

Anyways, I fell in love but I was always scared of penetration. There was this girl in my hostel that guys bragged about having intercourse with her.  I’m on the big size, well tall because I was quite slim in school. This girl was really petite and yet guys would brag about doing all kinds of things to her and I wondered –how can someone this small have intercourse – again, very naive of me.

So on the faithful day, one hot afternoon, I paid my boyfriend a visit and told him I was ready. He kept asking if I was sure and I told him “I am” that I just want to get it over with. So we did it.

I won’t advise anyone to do it for the first time the way we did it. Maybe it’s because we both watched adult movies, I just can’t explain why I decided to be on top for the first time...

It was very painful, I didn’t bleed but I felt a pep-perish pain every time water touched there.

Having intercourse for the first time was uncomfortable; my boyfriend then was quite endowed but didn’t know how to use it so it kind of bruised me a little.

How long you should wait before losing you virginity

You can wait for as long as you want. There is no fixed age to lose your virginity but you should be above 18 at most. It should be with someone you love and loves you back. It should be with someone that respects you.

If I would have to advise whether to do it early, I would say don’t. Why rush? After having intercourse for the first time, depending on the experience, you would want to keep having it. Though I don't advice to do it so early; I’m a Christian and believe it should be done with your spouse and it shouldn’t be something you just give freely.

With the world we live in today, people don’t take intercourse as a big deal anymore –it’s like taking a shower or brushing your teeth for most people but it shouldn’t be so.

Love making should be with someone you love and trust, someone that even though it doesn’t work out, you have no regrets cause it was a beautiful relationship. You just have to be sure of who you decide to give your body to.

Also, make sure you are safe  guys…I can’t stress that enough. You don’t want to get one disease or more from anyone; it’s very uncomfortable and could be deadly.

Do you walk differently after losing your virginity?

You don’t look any different, though you will feel different. Just like when Adam and Eve were exposed to the forbidden fruit –well not that drastic but you get my point.

You don’t walk differently unless you had to be in a very uncomfortable position for hours (no one have intercourse for hours…); you are still the same person and walk the same.

Intercourse is a natural activity, our bodies and hormones are wired for it. Was I glad I lost my virginity at 20?  It’s a little bittersweet. At the time, my boyfriend and I were in a serious relationship –well at least that is what I thought but I just wished I waited a little and not rush the intercourse process.

But all the same, it happened, I moved on, I’m still me. So don’t worry about losing your virginity before 22, as long as you are sure of whom you are doing it with and you are keeping safe. 

And if you decide to lose your virginity after 22, it’s still fine. Like I said, no specific time to lose your virginity, just follow your heart and listen to your body (trust me, your body have a way of telling you if it’s ready to have IT, especially for ladies).

My Dating experience :Letter to an unnecessary Ex

Here's a letter to my ex that shouldn't have been an ex in the first place;

Dear Valentine,

I kept on thinking about our conversation after we ended the call yesterday and I just haven't gotten over it. I'm just sad.


After saying you were testing me, it got me thinking how someone that claims to love you would use your weakness against you. You once said you couldn't figure me out and that I should help you out. I didn't want to cause I feared what would happen ,yet I opened up and told you about things that get me upset, I even explained my mood swings that time of the month. But you chose to "test " me after I spoke to you about my colleagues.

After you flared up about video call ( when you should have been honest with me about it from the start),have I ever talked about it with you since then? No!  Because I know it's not something you like and I don't want to upset you. That is what people that love each other do. They both know their strength and weaknesses, though no one is perfect.,they bring out more of their strengths, not weaknesses,they try as much as possible never to see that side of the person.

I just told you how it has been stressful at work but you felt it was the best time to "test" me . There's this saying that when you are looking for something, you always find it. Is the relationship that boring that you thought you should be negative towards me? If you getting tired of the relationship, why not just say so, than trying to make my weakness the reason for the breakup when you deliberately wanted to make me angry.

What if I decided to play your games and pretend I wasn't upset, I keep pretending and you feel I'm "wife material " enough, then  we eventually get married and all those things bundling up just come out?

Did getting me upset make you feel better?if it did then you are not the one for me. It only made things worse - I don't need to make excuses for my anger but you knew how stressed I was, my period around the corner but that was the right time to trigger me? Love is about understanding and I don't think you understand me. Cause if you did you wouldn't feel the need to test me negatively.

To be honest, I don't think you were testing me, you were actually upset and talked to me like I was nothing. But cause things got out of hand, you say you were testing me (and I failed right?). How would you feel if I decide to "test" you or do things that gets you upset? Won't you react? And don't give me the talk about being a "man", women are human beings too.  Ego or not, you don't treat people bad in the name of testing them ;that using their weaknesses against them,talk more of someone you claim to love.

When you asked about my sister while we were arguing on the phone and I told you, she can't talk to me right now and you said it's cause she is afraid of me and everyone in  my family . See how you jump into conclusions? You already have an idea of who you think I am ,without even coming close to know.  My sister and family are not afraid of me, we (in my family) just have boundaries and know when to give each other space and it takes understanding to be able to do that. They know me and i know them :we try as much as we can to avoid conflict or anything that will upset the other person. We don't go looking for conflict, we always want peace.


If there is anything you feel you don't like about  me and you can't tolerate it, we should talk about it and move on (together or not). Not using something that has nothing to do with it as the issue.
I need peace in my life, and I can't be with someone that doesn't want to understand me, that judges me or try to belittle me to feel good about themselves. If you want to get to know me, you don't have to keep triggering me negatively - it's not healthy . Why not do something positive to understand /get to know me?

I have been through a lot in my life that it's a miracle I still give out positivity. I still shine in all the darkness and try to give light wherever I am that when people that are patient enough to hear my story listen ,they don't believe I went through all that. So why would you want to dim my light?that is not the idea I had of a partner.

You once called me your nigga/G ,I highly doubt that I am. If I was really your nigga (or in my way of understanding "your person "),you would respect me and take out more time to know me. So as far as I know, you are not my person - my person would know my period calendar, moods... My person would know the time and place... If that makes sense.
I'd rather like to know if this can go forward fruitfully or not now and not be misled later on.  That way, we could go our separate ways amicably since we have not invested much apart from our time.

If we want to continue, I hope it only gets better. If not, I hope you find someone that understands and respects you as much as you do them. Cause that is what I wish for myself and wont settle until I do.

Yeah, so I wrote this after a horrible dating experience with someone I wasn't interested in at first but he persistent and I decided to give him a chance but it didn't go well two months in.  So I wrote this to him but never sent it - it was my way of closing that chapter and moving on...And it worked! It made me decide never to settle, if you are not who I want, I won't even bother.  Hope you enjoyed reading?



How my year is going so far...

How my year is going so far...
Hey guys,
How are  you all doing? Hope great. I'm fine thank you for asking. So I know it's been a while you
heard from me,well I've been busy with moving with my family ,work, mum feeling sick,Easter ….
It's been a year guys…And you know what?  Though I've been really stressed, I like that I've been
very busy:you know, not worry about not being in a relationship and all that crap (yeah I call it crap
cause dating is hard and Nigerian men don't make it easy).

The strange thing is, while I was pursuing money and getting really busy, somehow I've managed to
be social - well not entirely, I'm quite the introvert but I met a new friend.  I know you are wondering
oh just one friend?! Trust me making friends is not the problem, it's making genuine friends...So yeah,
it's a big deal for me.
Anyways, I met this friend while I was house hunting (she is a lady, in case you are wondering),half
Ghanaian, half Ibo. She was really friendly and just nice, like I can't remember the last time I
connected with someone since 2005.  The house we were supposed to take was below her apartment,
due to some shenanigans with the landlord(oh no, landlord’s brother) and agent, it did not work out
but then I made a friend. The first meeting was in the building,i was inquiring about the apartment
and the second was in a bus on my way to work on the island. I recognized her and said hello, we
talked like we've known each other for a really long time and it began from there. Since then, we have
been going to work together (her mum drops us at the bus stop), planning work out sessions - I really
don't know when I would make time for that...she is already tired of trying to convince me, lol.
So far , it's been good .
Image result for how my year is going so far

I also finally met my male friend from twitter ,we have met for like three to four times (mostly at my
work, since all I do is work,lol),the fourth  time was during Easter Monday, we went to a conservation
center at Lekki, it was adventurous and fun (even had canopy walk,met some monkeys and fishes)...
it was another fun in a really long time.  After few hours we went to his apartment he shares with two
other ladies, made noodles, talked a little and shared a kissed. It was nice but I wasn't in the romance
mood so we stopped: somehow I think we both know we won't get married, we are better off as friends.
i'll probably explain this later but in a nutshell, I think we both felt awkward afterwards since we have
not seen since then; he has been busy and I'm not even bothered. We still communicate once in a while
though.

Just last weekend, I met someone on my way to church, I had not been in church for three weeks (was
down with malaria and my aunt of the month came after ) so I made sure I attended this time. Walking
to church on my street, someone was walking really fast behind me,i was also walking fast as well until
he approached me. This tall dark slender handsome looking man and he asked “Hello, do you know
where a Catholic Church is around here? “ I have been to the parish but it's quite far, I was told there is
an outstation close by “. And I smiled a little and said:”yeah that's where I'm going “. As we walked
down,i asked if he is new in the estate, he said a few months. And I asked how he found the estate, he
said “peaceful”.
We got to church and usually, I like to sit at the extreme end but I felt since I was with someone, it
would be awkward if we walk in just to sit separately. He also stretched his hand where he wanted to
sit, like he was inviting me to sit next to him.We didn't say a word to each other and I kept admiring
him from my side eye.  It's funny cause, I had a dream about maybe (I said maybe cause I mean, who
knows… ) my future husband, but I couldn't see his face ; in the dream we were seated by the bed, I
was holding our baby (who was really fair skinned by the way) but in this particular dream, I was
watching myself from behind but also felt my baby in my arms… I don't know if that makes sense.
Anyways, I didn't see his face but I saw the back head, he looked dark, tall and slender. Since that
dream have been looking out for that back head, lol. After a while I gave up cause It just felt ridiculous
until I saw this guy and guess what?  He has that back head, tall, dark and slender *sigh*.

We didn't say a word in church until during Thanksgiving and I asked of his parents ( yeah, while on
our walk, I asked if he stayed with his family,he said he stays alone *wink*) .He said he lost his dad
really young and his mum passed away last year after a failed brain surgery.  I felt really sad for him,
I also told him my dad is late, that it's just my mum now. If felt really nice that this person could talk
about something so personal to someone he just met (though I have that effect on people). It made me
feel really comfortable and safe with him and I started thinking so many things at once ;first I checked
the head,lol...asked where he is from after he asked me; we are both from the same state.  After church,
I stopped by the supermarket to get something, he waited for me then walked home afterwards (we
live close by). I began to ask myself, “is he the one”? I know I do that a lot but this was different and
I've not done this in a really long time. As we approached the junction that separates our building, he
asked for my number, I gladly gave it to him,he buzzed me with it and went home.

I have not really liked Someone like this  in a really long time, I felt this kinda excitement I could not
explain :dancing when there is no music kinda happy. It was nice… but the negative part of my self
began; that part that makes me feel like happiness doesn't last, that this wasn't happening.  I began to
ask myself, what if he has a girlfriend (hell, there is no way this guy doesn't have a girlfriend, a fiancee
even), maybe he was just being friendly? Is he into me? He could have asked anyone for directions,
why me? To be fair, the road was really quiet while we walked and I looked like I was going to church.
 So maybe he just really needed help-he did mention someone mistakenly directing him to an Anglican
church and he was with his friend (did he mean his girlfriend?), he also said there comes a time in a
person's life where you keep less friends… is he ready to settle down with his friend /girlfriend?
These were the things going through my head and I just told myself to relax and just let things flow.

We met on Sunday, , the next day was a Monday, I didn't hear from him,i started believing my
assumptions and later I just said he is probably busy. As a software engineer for a security company,
you require focus.  Let me see how Tuesday will be,didn't hear from him still so I decided to buzz him
on WhatsApp I said :Hello, how are you and work. He replied after five to seven minutes ,that was
one very long minute. He said hello “my name”,I'm fine and work is great, you?” I replied same.  
To be honest, I was dreading contacting him first cause most African guys can be quite backwards and
feel they should always make the move and not the lady but I couldn't help myself, I just wanted to be
in touch. We don't have to be romantic, since we are neighbors we could just be friends.

As he wasn't really communicating, I assumed he was busy and since I initiated the conversation, I also
ended it. I said ; just wanted to say hey and he replied ;” thanks a million, much appreciated “ And I
said have a great day and he said “thanks, you too, enjoy your day”.After that day, I decided not to
contact him unless he contacts me and so far he has not. I'm I disappointed?yeah,I am. Did I screw it up
by contacting first,i don't know.. But I thought we had a connection, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I'm
just good at people opening up to me, maybe he was just being friendly and doesn't need more friends
or maybe he is in a serious relationship and just only needed directions to the Catholic Church
outstation. Who knows…

I was probably feeling lonely and thought finally,  God has sent me the one. You won't believe since
I said hey I've not heard from him. Another Sunday just passed and not even a text saying “hey didn't
see you in church today” (yeah, I attended another parish). At least he showed me who he is so I
wouldn't get any ideas. You are probably wondering,it's just been a week ...but what is the point of
collecting someone number and not calling or at least texting? It makes no sense to me.  I just don't give
anybody my number. If we had a connection and I would like to hear from you again, I'll give you my
number . Who goes around asking people for numbers, just not to call them? Maybe he was just being
nice by asking, probably saw the desperation in me (I highly doubt I was) and felt it would be rude
not to ask. But guess what, that is total bullshit! It is indeed very rude to ask for one's number and not
call,period! It would have been nicer if you didn't ask at all. I would have told myself, we probably
didn't connect as I thought and forgotten about your arrogant a#$.

Sorry guys but I just have to vent,like what will be a blog without venting? I'm kidding, of course we
share the good stuff and obviously learn from every experience. The lesson here is not to expect
anything from anyone, if you feel lonely, address it and do something that makes you happy.  You
could call a friend you can always talk to and doesn't judge to vent, trust me you will feel better in the
morning. Loneliness is not forever, as long as you plan to have a family some day, there is always
someone for everyone,just be patient.

Thank you for reading, until next time...Have a great day.


How do you balance work and writing life

How do you balance work and writing life
Okay guys ,you know I said I needed a job like yesterday but the thing is, in a way it has been affecting my writing. The last article was in a bus and so is this one. Did I also mention I live in Lagos? So imagine how uncomfortable it will be... But I just have to try, especially for you guys.
This is the fourth month since I started the job and I'll tell you, I'm still figuring it out.  Let me tell you about the job ; it's a facility management company and to be honest, the job is just me (I'm mostly in control of everything that goes on in my apartment and building)... What I mean is, it's my everyday life ;I'm the help desk - I take request from a resident and it's not something that is strange to me even though it's my first time working for a facility company. The thing is, the building (which is also my office) is on the Island and I stay on the mainland - anyone living in Nigeria would know how crazy Lagos traffic can be which means one have to be at the bus-stop as early as possible.  But then, Lagos is very rough especially since I'm a lady, don't have a car (salary is not enough to buy one considering I have other responsibilities )yet... The salary is not great but I've been at home for a year plus, I had to get out of the house! In other words, apart from the job fitting me perfectly, every other thing is not so great (I'm trying not to be ungrateful).


Anyways I'm not here to rant about my new job, I'm just trying to discuss with you guys (I'm pretty sure I'm not alone - it's a damn struggle ) so we could figure out how to balance this work and writing thing. I'm supposed to have concluded writing on my dating experience since last year but look at me now.  So right now, we not just going to discuss how to balance this but come up with a plan.

Wake up early

Okay now this is very important, it also means early to bed, early to rise (it depends, especially if you don't get enough sleep - quality over quantity) . Have you not noticed when you don't get enough/good sleep ,you feel tired, unfocused and cranky (oh I know I do). So if you get good sleep, you feel energized to face anything; your nine to five and writing.

Discover you best time to right

Some people are their best at night while some are at their best during the day. So pick a time of the day that is appropriate for you to concentrate and write.  Since we really talking about a nine to fine job (though some work shifts - this still applies to you) ,I'll tell you what I do -well still trying *smiles* ; like I said earlier in this article, I'm writing this in a bus and in Lagos, due to traffic, one has to leave their home on time so they could get to the office on time. Sometimes I don't get so early so my only option is to write in the bus...for now till I know how to balance it perfectly.

Fix a schedule to publish

While you fix a time to write, you should also fix time to publish. If you have a regular time you publish, your readers will get accustomed to the schedule ;if it's daily, three times a week, on weekends... Just be consistent with it. Like now, this article is taking me days to write due to inconvenience in the bus, work stress,  hormone stress (I'm not pregnant but ladies I'm sure you get it) ...But if you have some schedule it helps you plan ahead of time and keeps you motivated.

Get some exercise

This is very important whether you want to be able to balance work and writing or not. It is the best energy boost. Though in the beginning, you might feel sore,depending on the type of exercise you are doing, you'll begin to see the benefits.  You don't have to exercise like you are contesting for Mr or Miss Universe, it could be a light jog, long walks, skipping, cycling  (like me that usually have knee pain)... Just move, even if it's for 30 minutes every day.

Get enough sleep

I can't overemphasize this, just like exercise, sleep is very important .if I don't get good sleep, I get really cranky and my whole day would just be shitty. Which also applies to early to bed, early to rise... Like imagine going to bed late and maybe you need to pee and wake up earlier than you used to, you'll go back to sleep ...therefore you wake up late than usual which means you have to start rushing to prepare and believe me that can get you disorganised - you won't be able to do your usual writing routine since you will probably be late for work and you'll be trying to catch up.

Don't wait to write the perfect article

This is one of the things I'm struggling with;waiting for the right /perfect article. The truth is, if you don't write anything, there won't be an article to determine if it's perfect or not. Besides,nothing is perfect (is there really a perfect article? - just write!). And for you to land the "perfect"  article, you  have to keep writing -practice they say, makes perfect. So don't wait, if you have something on your mind that you possibly don't feel like sharing with anyone, put it in writing. If there's is also something you would like to share and feel it could help someone, write about it as well.

Don't waste your time

Time as they say is of the essence, don't joke with your time,make sure you utilise every second . And as they also say "time is money", even though in this part of the world, they barely appreciate time or value people's time - you have to value yourself and keep adding value to yourself, it will take you a long way.  And make sure every second you use is taking you closer to your dreams.  I also know as writers, we experience "writers block",when you feel like that, spend time doing other important things - if you are at work, focus on giving it your best, if you are at home, spend quality time with your family and friends,listen to music, watch a movie, take a walk, exercise...just don't be idle.

So my friends, though this is how I feel we can balance our work and writing life, I'm sure there are more - feel free to share in the comment section. Though i battle with all these listed above,i believe I'm getting there, I just need to be consistent and more discipline ,I hope you all do the same as well.

Till my next article (only God knows when that will be), stay inspired!

What Married Men want from single girls

What Married Men want from single girls
Sometimes I ask myself what married men want from single girl, in other words…why they cheat and I summarized it to a few things. You see, people always have reasons for what they do which is normal. These days, cheating seems to be what’s up and what’s hot, that if you are not doing so, you are not from this world. Some might say the problem is from their wives, others might say he is just a player and a man might just say it happens. Well, I’d like to say, while some would say it’s their nature, married men just want these from single girls;

Your body

Let’s get real here, it is really rare to see a married man cheat with his age mate or someone older than his wife and here is why; men are attracted by what they see. Before a man approaches a lady, the first thing he is drawn to is her beauty. So imagine a man seeing a young girl (maybe a student –they usually love them since most of them are not looking to commit) with her youthful, innocent body and face, he will be naturally drawn to her and want to have a taste of that. Though married women these days look after themselves, some don’t really care; the minute they say I do, they feel they don’t have to try anymore and this make their men want something different “spontaneous”  and not boring.
Your time and undivided attention
Men are like babies, don’t mind that they look mature and all –they love attention and respect, and like to feel like they are the only person in your life. And single ladies give them these things even when they know they are not the only men in their lives *wink*. Most married women, after they tie the knot and have a child, the child becomes the center of their world –though it’s not a bad thing, men don’t see it that way. They feel like they have been replaced by those cute little creatures and then they try to look for attention elsewhere. Not that these men need women 24/7, they also love their space (I’m sure we are familiar with the “man cave”), they just need their women to be available whenever they need them to be. And single girls make time for them and give them their undivided attention –after all, there are no babies crying to be fed or changed.

Not to be their wives

Just like the undivided attention and physical appearance, these married men cheat with someone exactly opposite to their wives. They expect a single girl to be fit, fun and obedient. Therefore, always look hot and bed ready, no excuses, give me something new every time we meet and do whatever I want you to do. Since their wives are trying to juggle a job, keep the home, being a wife and mother; I doubt she is bothered about looking sexy unless she is a Hollywood actress that can hire as much nannies as she wants so she could look pretty for the camera.

Make them feel good

Just like them wanting attention, they always want to feel good whenever they are with you. And since you both don’t see all the time compared to his house wife, so it’s pretty easy for single girls to give them. Somehow, going out with a younger lady makes them feel young again and reminds them of some good times in the past. They don’t cheat with their age mates because they know those ones would call them on their bullshit sometimes. But with younger ladies (especially the ones with daddy issues), they see these men as their heroes and would do anything they want just to please them.

No drama
As long as these men are providing for these single girls, they expect nothing but peace and a good time. As a lady, you know he is already married, so you don’t get your hopes up on any possibility of marriage with him. Therefore, he expects that you are on the same page with him and just want to have a good time…well as long as he is providing for you. Though some singles girls give drama, it is mostly the ones that had no idea the man is married or he became too emotional with her –some men do these; make her feel like he loves her and  is on the verge of divorcing his wife . That is when a single girl might give drama; if she is emotionally invested and maybe have some insecurity. So men if you don’t want drama don’t start drama.

Has nothing to do with their wives
You might think that a man cheats because he doesn’t love his wife but it’s not true. Most times they cheat because of some internal issues; he was probably the guy that never got the hot girl in school, he is looking for some sort of validation or now that he is finally married he feels he has what it takes to woo any woman.
It’s a phase
After some men get married and have kids, some even before they have kids…they feel like they want to know if they “still got it”. Some might ask for a young lady’s number and end up not calling her; they just want to know if a hot girl can still give them her number. While some men are pressured by their friends when they say things like “you wife is controlling you”, “you are not acting like a man anymore”. They just try to prove to them that they are still the same person and marriage did not change them.

Too much money
I call these “one money miss road”. These type of men are the ones that let money define them –they just want to show off their wealth and since they believe ladies are all about the money, they use it to attract them hence cheat with them.
This post is not in any way encouraging infidelity or girls having sugar daddies, it’s just on what men want from single girls and why they cheat with them. So it’s not about the women, it’s about them; it’s what they want, they get. As women you are just there for the ride; for as long as it’s convenient for them. What do you think? Why do men cheat with young single girls?

What is on my mind right now?

What is on my mind right now?

Um, there are a lot of things on my mind but right now is staring at my blog account, seeing how i have not been able to post anything for two weeks. To be honest a lot have been going on that i didn't know how i totally abandoned my blog. It's not that i haven't thought of writing something, it’s just before i try to write something, I tell myself it has to be a very long post and i ask if i have enough time to write it.