How my year is going so far...

How my year is going so far...
Hey guys,
How are  you all doing? Hope great. I'm fine thank you for asking. So I know it's been a while you heard from me,well I've
been busy with moving with my family ,work, mum feeling sick,Easter ….
It's been a year guys…And you know what?  Though I've been really stressed, I like that I've been very busy:you know, not
worry about not being in a relationship and all that crap (yeah I call it crap cause dating is hard and Nigerian men don't make it easy).

The strange thing is, while I was pursuing money and getting really busy, somehow I've managed to be social - well not
entirely, I'm quite the introvert but I met a new friend.  I know you are wondering oh just one friend?! Trust me making friends
is not the problem, it's making genuine friends...So yeah, it's a big deal for me.
Anyways, I met this friend while I was house hunting (she is a lady, in case you are wondering),half Ghanaian, half Ibo.
She was really friendly and just nice, like I can't remember the last time I connected with someone since 2005.  
The house we were supposed to take was below her apartment, due to some shenanigans with the landlord(oh no, landlord’s
brother) and agent, it did not work out but then I made a friend. The first meeting was in the building,i was inquiring about the
apartment and the second was in a bus on my way to work on the island. I recognized her and said hello, we talked like
we've known each other for a really long time and it began from there. Since then, we have been going to work together
(her mum drops us at the bus stop), planning work out sessions - I really don't know when I would make time for that...she is
already tired of trying to convince me, lol.
So far , it's been good .
Image result for how my year is going so far

I also finally met my male friend from twitter ,we have met for like three to four times (mostly at my work, since all I do is work,
lol),the fourth  time was during Easter Monday, we went to a conservation center at Lekki, it was adventurous and fun
(even had canopy walk,met some monkeys and fishes)...it was another fun in a really long time.  After few hours we went to
his apartment he shares with two other ladies, made noodles, talked a little and shared a kissed. It was nice but I wasn't in
the romance mood so we stopped: somehow I think we both know we won't get married, we are better off as friends.
i'll probably explain this later but in a nutshell, I think we both felt awkward afterwards since we have not seen since then;
he has been busy and I'm not even bothered. We still communicate once in a while though.

Just last weekend, I met someone on my way to church, I had not been in church for three weeks (was down with malaria
and my aunt of the month came after ) so I made sure I attended this time. Walking to church on my street, someone was
walking really fast behind me,i was also walking fast as well until he approached me. This tall dark slender handsome
looking man and he asked “Hello, do you know where a Catholic Church is around here? “ I have been to the parish but it's
quite far, I was told there is an outstation close by “. And I smiled a little and said:”yeah that's where I'm going “. As we
walked down,i asked if he is new in the estate, he said a few months. And I asked how he found the estate, he said
“peaceful”.
We got to church and usually, I like to sit at the extreme end but I felt since I was with someone, it would be awkward if we
walk in just to sit separately. He also stretched his hand where he wanted to sit, like he was inviting me to sit next to him.
We didn't say a word to each other and I kept admiring him from my side eye.  It's funny cause, I had a dream about maybe
(I said maybe cause I mean, who knows… ) my future husband, but I couldn't see his face ; in the dream we were seated
by the bed, I was holding our baby (who was really fair skinned by the way) but in this particular dream, I was watching
myself from behind but also felt my baby in my arms… I don't know if that makes sense. Anyways, I didn't see his face
but I saw the back head, he looked dark, tall and slender. Since that dream have been looking out for that back head, lol.
After a while I gave up cause It just felt ridiculous until I saw this guy and guess what?  He has that back head, tall, dark
and slender *sigh*.

We didn't say a word in church until during Thanksgiving and I asked of his parents ( yeah, while on our walk, I asked if
he stayed with his family,he said he stays alone *wink*) .He said he lost his dad really young and his mum passed away
last year after a failed brain surgery.  I felt really sad for him, I also told him my dad is late, that it's just my mum now. If felt
really nice that this person could talk about something so personal to someone he just met (though I have that effect on
people). It made me feel really comfortable and safe with him and I started thinking so many things at once ;first I checked
the head,lol...asked where he is from after he asked me; we are both from the same state.  After church, I stopped by the
supermarket to get something, he waited for me then walked home afterwards (we live close by). I began to ask myself,
“is he the one”? I know I do that a lot but this was different and I've not done this in a really long time.
As we approached the junction that separates our building, he asked for my number, I gladly gave it to him,he buzzed me
with it and went home.

I have not really liked Someone like this  in a really long time, I felt this kinda excitement I could not explain :dancing when
there is no music kinda happy. It was nice… but the negative part of my self began; that part that makes me feel like
happiness doesn't last, that this wasn't happening.  I began to ask myself, what if he has a girlfriend (hell, there is no way
this guy doesn't have a girlfriend, a fiancee even), maybe he was just being friendly? Is he into me? He could have asked
anyone for directions, why me? To be fair, the road was really quiet while we walked and I looked like I was going to church.
 So maybe he just really needed help-he did mention someone mistakenly directing him to an Anglican church and he was
with his friend (did he mean his girlfriend?), he also said there comes a time in a person's life where you keep less friends…
is he ready to settle down with his friend /girlfriend?
These were the things going through my head and I just told myself to relax and just let things flow.

We met on Sunday, , the next day was a Monday, I didn't hear from him,i started believing my assumptions and later I just
said he is probably busy. As a software engineer for a security company, you require focus.  Let me see how Tuesday will be,
didn't hear from him still so I decided to buzz him on WhatsApp I said :Hello, how are you and work. He replied after five to
seven minutes ,that was one very long minute. He said hello “my name”,I'm fine and work is great, you?” I replied same.  
To be honest, I was dreading contacting him first cause most African guys can be quite backwards and feel they should
always make the move and not the lady but I couldn't help myself, I just wanted to be in touch. We don't have to be romantic,
since we are neighbors we could just be friends.
As he wasn't really communicating, I assumed he was busy and since I initiated the conversation, I also ended it. I said ; just
wanted to say hey and he replied ;” thanks a million, much appreciated “ And I said have a great day and he said “thanks,
you too, enjoy your day”.After that day, I decided not to contact him unless he contacts me and so far he has not.
I'm I disappointed?yeah,I am. Did I screw it up by contacting first,i don't know.. But I thought we had a connection, maybe I
was wrong. Maybe I'm just good at people opening up to me, maybe he was just being friendly and doesn't need more
friends or maybe he is in a serious relationship and just only needed directions to the Catholic Church outstation. Who knows…

I was probably feeling lonely and thought finally,  God has sent me the one. You won't believe since I said hey I've not
heard from him. Another Sunday just passed and not even a text saying “hey didn't see you in church today” (yeah, I attended
another parish). At least he showed me who he is so I wouldn't get any ideas. You are probably wondering,it's just been a
week ...but what is the point of collecting someone number and not calling or at least texting? It makes no sense to me.  I just
don't give anybody my number. If we had a connection and I would like to hear from you again, I'll give you my number . Who
goes around asking people for numbers, just not to call them? Maybe he was just being nice by asking, probably saw the
desperation in me (I highly doubt I was) and felt it would be rude not to ask. But guess what, that is total bullshit! It is indeed
very rude to ask for one's number and not call,period! It would have been nicer if you didn't ask at all. I would have told myself,
we probably didn't connect as I thought and forgotten about your arrogant a#$.

Sorry guys but I just have to vent,like what will be a blog without venting? I'm kidding, of course we share the good stuff and
obviously learn from every experience. The lesson here is not to expect anything from anyone, if you feel lonely, address it
and do something that makes you happy.  You could call a friend you can always talk to and doesn't judge to vent, trust me
you will feel better in the morning. Loneliness is not forever, as long as you plan to have a family some day, there is always
someone for everyone,just be patient.
Thank you for reading, until next time...Have a great day.


How do you balance work and writing life

How do you balance work and writing life
Okay guys ,you know I said I needed a job like yesterday but the thing is, in a way it has been affecting my writing. The last article was in a bus and so is this one. Did I also mention I live in Lagos? So imagine how uncomfortable it will be... But I just have to try, especially for you guys.
This is the fourth month since I started the job and I'll tell you, I'm still figuring it out.  Let me tell you about the job ; it's a facility management company and to be honest, the job is just me (I'm mostly in control of everything that goes on in my apartment and building)... What I mean is, it's my everyday life ;I'm the help desk - I take request from a resident and it's not something that is strange to me even though it's my first time working for a facility company. The thing is, the building (which is also my office) is on the Island and I stay on the mainland - anyone living in Nigeria would know how crazy Lagos traffic can be which means one have to be at the bus-stop as early as possible.  But then, Lagos is very rough especially since I'm a lady, don't have a car (salary is not enough to buy one considering I have other responsibilities )yet... The salary is not great but I've been at home for a year plus, I had to get out of the house! In other words, apart from the job fitting me perfectly, every other thing is not so great (I'm trying not to be ungrateful).


Anyways I'm not here to rant about my new job, I'm just trying to discuss with you guys (I'm pretty sure I'm not alone - it's a damn struggle ) so we could figure out how to balance this work and writing thing. I'm supposed to have concluded writing on my dating experience since last year but look at me now.  So right now, we not just going to discuss how to balance this but come up with a plan.

Wake up early

Okay now this is very important, it also means early to bed, early to rise (it depends, especially if you don't get enough sleep - quality over quantity) . Have you not noticed when you don't get enough/good sleep ,you feel tired, unfocused and cranky (oh I know I do). So if you get good sleep, you feel energized to face anything; your nine to five and writing.

Discover you best time to right

Some people are their best at night while some are at their best during the day. So pick a time of the day that is appropriate for you to concentrate and write.  Since we really talking about a nine to fine job (though some work shifts - this still applies to you) ,I'll tell you what I do -well still trying *smiles* ; like I said earlier in this article, I'm writing this in a bus and in Lagos, due to traffic, one has to leave their home on time so they could get to the office on time. Sometimes I don't get so early so my only option is to write in the bus...for now till I know how to balance it perfectly.

Fix a schedule to publish

While you fix a time to write, you should also fix time to publish. If you have a regular time you publish, your readers will get accustomed to the schedule ;if it's daily, three times a week, on weekends... Just be consistent with it. Like now, this article is taking me days to write due to inconvenience in the bus, work stress,  hormone stress (I'm not pregnant but ladies I'm sure you get it) ...But if you have some schedule it helps you plan ahead of time and keeps you motivated.

Get some exercise

This is very important whether you want to be able to balance work and writing or not. It is the best energy boost. Though in the beginning, you might feel sore,depending on the type of exercise you are doing, you'll begin to see the benefits.  You don't have to exercise like you are contesting for Mr or Miss Universe, it could be a light jog, long walks, skipping, cycling  (like me that usually have knee pain)... Just move, even if it's for 30 minutes every day.

Get enough sleep

I can't overemphasize this, just like exercise, sleep is very important .if I don't get good sleep, I get really cranky and my whole day would just be shitty. Which also applies to early to bed, early to rise... Like imagine going to bed late and maybe you need to pee and wake up earlier than you used to, you'll go back to sleep ...therefore you wake up late than usual which means you have to start rushing to prepare and believe me that can get you disorganised - you won't be able to do your usual writing routine since you will probably be late for work and you'll be trying to catch up.

Don't wait to write the perfect article

This is one of the things I'm struggling with;waiting for the right /perfect article. The truth is, if you don't write anything, there won't be an article to determine if it's perfect or not. Besides,nothing is perfect (is there really a perfect article? - just write!). And for you to land the "perfect"  article, you  have to keep writing -practice they say, makes perfect. So don't wait, if you have something on your mind that you possibly don't feel like sharing with anyone, put it in writing. If there's is also something you would like to share and feel it could help someone, write about it as well.

Don't waste your time

Time as they say is of the essence, don't joke with your time,make sure you utilise every second . And as they also say "time is money", even though in this part of the world, they barely appreciate time or value people's time - you have to value yourself and keep adding value to yourself, it will take you a long way.  And make sure every second you use is taking you closer to your dreams.  I also know as writers, we experience "writers block",when you feel like that, spend time doing other important things - if you are at work, focus on giving it your best, if you are at home, spend quality time with your family and friends,listen to music, watch a movie, take a walk, exercise...just don't be idle.

So my friends, though this is how I feel we can balance our work and writing life, I'm sure there are more - feel free to share in the comment section. Though i battle with all these listed above,i believe I'm getting there, I just need to be consistent and more discipline ,I hope you all do the same as well.

Till my next article (only God knows when that will be), stay inspired!

What Married Men want from single girls

What Married Men want from single girls
Sometimes I ask myself what married men want from single girl, in other words…why they cheat and I summarized it to a few things. You see, people always have reasons for what they do which is normal. These days, cheating seems to be what’s up and what’s hot, that if you are not doing so, you are not from this world. Some might say the problem is from their wives, others might say he is just a player and a man might just say it happens. Well, I’d like to say, while some would say it’s their nature, married men just want these from single girls;

Your body

Let’s get real here, it is really rare to see a married man cheat with his age mate or someone older than his wife and here is why; men are attracted by what they see. Before a man approaches a lady, the first thing he is drawn to is her beauty. So imagine a man seeing a young girl (maybe a student –they usually love them since most of them are not looking to commit) with her youthful, innocent body and face, he will be naturally drawn to her and want to have a taste of that. Though married women these days look after themselves, some don’t really care; the minute they say I do, they feel they don’t have to try anymore and this make their men want something different “spontaneous”  and not boring.
Your time and undivided attention
Men are like babies, don’t mind that they look mature and all –they love attention and respect, and like to feel like they are the only person in your life. And single ladies give them these things even when they know they are not the only men in their lives *wink*. Most married women, after they tie the knot and have a child, the child becomes the center of their world –though it’s not a bad thing, men don’t see it that way. They feel like they have been replaced by those cute little creatures and then they try to look for attention elsewhere. Not that these men need women 24/7, they also love their space (I’m sure we are familiar with the “man cave”), they just need their women to be available whenever they need them to be. And single girls make time for them and give them their undivided attention –after all, there are no babies crying to be fed or changed.

Not to be their wives

Just like the undivided attention and physical appearance, these married men cheat with someone exactly opposite to their wives. They expect a single girl to be fit, fun and obedient. Therefore, always look hot and bed ready, no excuses, give me something new every time we meet and do whatever I want you to do. Since their wives are trying to juggle a job, keep the home, being a wife and mother; I doubt she is bothered about looking sexy unless she is a Hollywood actress that can hire as much nannies as she wants so she could look pretty for the camera.

Make them feel good

Just like them wanting attention, they always want to feel good whenever they are with you. And since you both don’t see all the time compared to his house wife, so it’s pretty easy for single girls to give them. Somehow, going out with a younger lady makes them feel young again and reminds them of some good times in the past. They don’t cheat with their age mates because they know those ones would call them on their bullshit sometimes. But with younger ladies (especially the ones with daddy issues), they see these men as their heroes and would do anything they want just to please them.

No drama
As long as these men are providing for these single girls, they expect nothing but peace and a good time. As a lady, you know he is already married, so you don’t get your hopes up on any possibility of marriage with him. Therefore, he expects that you are on the same page with him and just want to have a good time…well as long as he is providing for you. Though some singles girls give drama, it is mostly the ones that had no idea the man is married or he became too emotional with her –some men do these; make her feel like he loves her and  is on the verge of divorcing his wife . That is when a single girl might give drama; if she is emotionally invested and maybe have some insecurity. So men if you don’t want drama don’t start drama.

Has nothing to do with their wives
You might think that a man cheats because he doesn’t love his wife but it’s not true. Most times they cheat because of some internal issues; he was probably the guy that never got the hot girl in school, he is looking for some sort of validation or now that he is finally married he feels he has what it takes to woo any woman.
It’s a phase
After some men get married and have kids, some even before they have kids…they feel like they want to know if they “still got it”. Some might ask for a young lady’s number and end up not calling her; they just want to know if a hot girl can still give them her number. While some men are pressured by their friends when they say things like “you wife is controlling you”, “you are not acting like a man anymore”. They just try to prove to them that they are still the same person and marriage did not change them.

Too much money
I call these “one money miss road”. These type of men are the ones that let money define them –they just want to show off their wealth and since they believe ladies are all about the money, they use it to attract them hence cheat with them.
This post is not in any way encouraging infidelity or girls having sugar daddies, it’s just on what men want from single girls and why they cheat with them. So it’s not about the women, it’s about them; it’s what they want, they get. As women you are just there for the ride; for as long as it’s convenient for them. What do you think? Why do men cheat with young single girls?

What is on my mind right now?

What is on my mind right now?

Um, there are a lot of things on my mind but right now is staring at my blog account, seeing how i have not been able to post anything for two weeks. To be honest a lot have been going on that i didn't know how i totally abandoned my blog. It's not that i haven't thought of writing something, it’s just before i try to write something, I tell myself it has to be a very long post and i ask if i have enough time to write it.

Why do I keep having dreams of my ex?

Okay, since last year I've been having dreams of my ex, who was also my first love. From, my dating experience, you can see why it didn't work out. Though, it was painful but it had to be done. After the breakup, I felt we had unfinished business or some closure to do  that each time we see it doesn't feel like we have. I barely dreamt about him but it became serious beginning of last year, that I had to buzz him on Facebook where he quickly told me he is engaged to be married as if I was trying to get him back. I wasn't trying to get him back, a part of me just wanted to know why I had that first dream which I barely have of him.

Don't settle for less,you deserve better

Don't settle for less,you deserve better
That’s what I heard growing up; either from people, in a song or family but I never really understood it until life began to deal with me. Don’t settle for less, you deserve better, you are too good for this and that… And you know what? It is true. Despite what life throws at you, you are better than that, you deserve more than what you are getting. We are all here for a reason, a purpose and need to be able to take it – whatever that is.