What happens if you lose your virginity before 22?

What happens after you lose your virginity? Well, life happens, you move on. You are still you – well with a broken hymen (ah, that sounds gross!). Well, it’s not that big a deal, I’ll tell you my story;

Losing my virginity was with my first boyfriend –we dated for two years before I decided to give it up. It was during my university days; I always had this notion that whoever would take my virginity would be my husband, lol - how naive of me.

Anyways, I fell in love but I was always scared of penetration. There was this girl in my hostel that guys bragged about having intercourse with her.  I’m on the big size, well tall because I was quite slim in school. This girl was really petite and yet guys would brag about doing all kinds of things to her and I wondered –how can someone this small have intercourse – again, very naive of me.

So on the faithful day, one hot afternoon, I paid my boyfriend a visit and told him I was ready. He kept asking if I was sure and I told him “I am” that I just want to get it over with. So we did it.

I won’t advise anyone to do it for the first time the way we did it. Maybe it’s because we both watched adult movies, I just can’t explain why I decided to be on top for the first time...

It was very painful, I didn’t bleed but I felt a pep-perish pain every time water touched there.

Having intercourse for the first time was uncomfortable; my boyfriend then was quite endowed but didn’t know how to use it so it kind of bruised me a little.

How long you should wait before losing you virginity

You can wait for as long as you want. There is no fixed age to lose your virginity but you should be above 18 at most. It should be with someone you love and loves you back. It should be with someone that respects you.

If I would have to advise whether to do it early, I would say don’t. Why rush? After having intercourse for the first time, depending on the experience, you would want to keep having it. Though I don't advice to do it so early; I’m a Christian and believe it should be done with your spouse and it shouldn’t be something you just give freely.

With the world we live in today, people don’t take intercourse as a big deal anymore –it’s like taking a shower or brushing your teeth for most people but it shouldn’t be so.

Love making should be with someone you love and trust, someone that even though it doesn’t work out, you have no regrets cause it was a beautiful relationship. You just have to be sure of who you decide to give your body to.

Also, make sure you are safe  guys…I can’t stress that enough. You don’t want to get one disease or more from anyone; it’s very uncomfortable and could be deadly.

Do you walk differently after losing your virginity?

You don’t look any different, though you will feel different. Just like when Adam and Eve were exposed to the forbidden fruit –well not that drastic but you get my point.

You don’t walk differently unless you had to be in a very uncomfortable position for hours (no one have intercourse for hours…); you are still the same person and walk the same.

Intercourse is a natural activity, our bodies and hormones are wired for it. Was I glad I lost my virginity at 20?  It’s a little bittersweet. At the time, my boyfriend and I were in a serious relationship –well at least that is what I thought but I just wished I waited a little and not rush the intercourse process.

But all the same, it happened, I moved on, I’m still me. So don’t worry about losing your virginity before 22, as long as you are sure of whom you are doing it with and you are keeping safe. 

And if you decide to lose your virginity after 22, it’s still fine. Like I said, no specific time to lose your virginity, just follow your heart and listen to your body (trust me, your body have a way of telling you if it’s ready to have IT, especially for ladies).

Why you should not make your boyfriend jealous

Most of us, especially young couples feel the need to make their boyfriend/girlfriend jealous, why do we do this though? Is it to get attention, to spice up the relationship or just to play games?

Relationships comes with everything; the happy, the sad, the good, the bad and the ugly but it takes people that really love and respect each other to know that they don’t need to make the other person feel jealous. This is why you should not try to make your boyfriend jealous;

Someone always get hurt

Someone always gets hurt in the process. I remember myuniversity days when I tried to make my boyfriend jealous by always meeting with his friend. The thing is, I had no idea that his friends had a plan to set me up – well, cause of how my then boyfriend bragged about me (Also, his friend secretly liked me).

So this best friend bet with his other friends that he would get me. My boyfriend and I were having a misunderstanding and his friend kind of took advantage of it –it was funny how he happened to be there when I needed someone, looking back it all made sense. Though we had a lot in common, so it wasn’t always bad meeting up but I just hung out because I assumed he would tell his friend, my boyfriend that he saw me.

To cut the story short, it didn’t end well. He kissed me shockingly and I told him I would have to tell my boyfriend about it. He begged me not to that his girlfriend would not forgive him. I know his girlfriend and we have this group couple thing we did that I didn’t want to ruin that; without knowing this guy had an agenda.

I stopped seeing him but I could not keep lying to my boyfriend, so I told him and we almost broke up for it. After that time the trust was lost and the relationship was not the same, even though we tried.

Love is not a game

I know some people might argue about this, given the multiple dating apps and shows. Also the fact that men love to play games but I tell you, true love does not play games -maybe in the beginning when you all are trying to get to know one another, not a serious relationship.

Someone that really loves you will be there for you and give you the attention you need that you don’t need to seek it from someone else or make him jealous to notice.

It’s a waste of time

Take it from someone who has played all the games (hmm, maybe not all but a good amount)…it’s not worth it and it’s a total waste of time. Just imagine playing games with someone that doesn’t even care about you. What’s the point? Why waste your energy on a relationship that is not working.

If he/she can’t see how awesome you are and you need to bring someone else in the picture, then he is not the one for you and you are just wasting your time.

That same energy used to make him jealous, use the same to make you happy. Use it to learn new things. Start a new hobby, watch your favorite show, take a nap (cause, boy! is very exhausting looking for attention or trying to get someone that doesn’t care about you to notice).

If you feel the need to make your boyfriend jealous, maybe it’s time to validate the relationship.

Conclusion

Like most genuine married couples say; “When you meet your own, you just know – though I am not married (this is also for married couples) yet I believe it’s when you meet that person ,you have this sense of peace and like you have found home (hmm, a new home since you had a home before he/she arrived). Besides why would someone that wants to be with you, waste time with you or make you feel any less than you deserve? That’s when you should know, it’s not just it.

Although some people just love the games aka “DRAMA”, if you meet the one and believe in your heart of hearts that he/she is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, trust me you don’t need to make him/her jealous. It would only hurt them and bring problem to the relationship.

Also knowing that “if it’s meant to be, it will be” but why make someone feel unloved to test them only to lose them and they come back to begin the episode again? It’s draining and no one has the time to keep going back and fought when they could easily be with someone that treats them otherwise.  Everyone wants to feel loved and be loved, so before you think of making him/her jealous, think of the consequences and if the relationship is worth it.

Is it wise to make your boyfriend/girlfriend jealous? And why do you think it is? Share in the comment section.

 


Thought he was the one, Guess I was wrong


People will always disappoint you, no matter who they are or who they used be.  Though it hurts when it's someone you really love, it really hurts...
You know, we date people and break up. Some we break up for good reasons, some for bad and some for something that don't just make any sense.  Sometimes we want to get back with them, maybe like the latter...which is due to a little misunderstanding but it doesn't always work out that way .

I went to see my ex last year , he lives in another state and invited me. This was after I reached out;  I did it cause since we broke up, we keep going on a roller coaster - this year I'll block him, next year we are in contact again. I just wanted to grow the F-up.  And yes a part of me misses him, I kept wondering what went wrong. It's a long story but I really want to talk about it, so here goes;

It all started during my prescience, I met this talk, lanky, fair  handsome but shy guy, we say 'hello' 'hi',  he liked me, I had no idea... Someone else asked me out and I accepted. But me and this guy remained friends through out our university days, I even told him when I lost my virginity to the other guy (I had no idea I did at the time), that's how close we were.
Something happened in our second year,it was his sisters birthday and she came to our school to see him, we hung out at his friends place;his sister and friend were giving me hints about him having feelings for me but I didn't get it.  The little party was over and he walked me to my hostel;it started raining at the gate and he gave me his plaid shirt - at that spot, just that spot, I realised that I'm having feelings for him.  Since I was in a relationship with someone else and didn't know if this friend of mine wanted me, I decided not to think about it.

After that time, we were not always seeing, just once in a while. Then in year three, I lost my dad, my boyfriend attended and my friend could not but he called me and we talked really well. The thing is,me and this guy were not always in contact but each time we communicate, it feels like we have always been in touch cause we catch up really fast.

Anyways,before I graduated I ended things with my then boyfriend and travelled back home. After some months, I was called to serve my country, and I was posted to my friends state of residence.  Meanwhile I was dating someone else after school and somehow got engaged  - another weird and not so long story...

I went to see my friend at their family home, putting on my engagement ring (SMH), his family was so nice.  We watched movies, went for a walk, hung out with his friends and had drinks.  It was funny how they all knew about me and how smitten he was except me but I knew after the weekend I spent at his home. But then if he wanted to tell me, that ring I was putting on didn't help matters.  The truth is,i felt so at home and at peace after spending that weekend with his family - and we were just friends.

After a year, I completed my National youth Corp , I went back to my state of residence. Called off my engagement, and could not stop thinking about my time with my friend. We talked on phone once in a while, life happened, we lost communication again. Then I got a job in his state of residence and moved there. Before then, we sorta had a misunderstanding - maybe I took it personal cause I was having feelings for him . I was staying with my friend and I had few months to stay with her ,three months  precisely -since I was hoping I would be able to save up from my salary and pay for a place.  I reached out to this male friend of mine and told him I was in his city and he asked to meet up . We meet at a junction were he took me to his house. It was really nice seeing him, we were in a shared cab as and he placed his hands across my shoulders.

We got to his house , I freshened up and we started watching Twilight .He asked if I was hungry ,I said no. As the movie was playing, he  ironed my clothes while we caught up. He was done with ironing and since I had to work the next day, I had to go to bed (his cousin was around though - it was just the three of us).  As I stayed in the bedroom and he was in the living room, I wanted him to stay with me.  So I stood at the door and called him to stay with me.

To be continued...

Being attracted to a married man


Yeah it just so happens that I'm attracted to really attractive married man. You know, I had no idea he was married when we met the first time - it was at my work place. Like I mentioned on balancing work and life...I work in a facility and this particular guy is in charge of maintaining the lift. On that first day, I was with my colleague and boss when he walked in and I was like who is this tall, dark and handsome fella (and really young) but I wasn't really focused on him cause I had a lot of work to do that day and calls make.

Didn't know he was still around, so I stepped outside to make a personal call when he drove by and said hi (would have mentioned the name of the car but I'm not good with cars) and I said hi back. He introduced himself, said I look nice and asked if I had anything for lunch, I said not yet and he gave me two thousand Naira to have lunch and asked for my number; I gladly gave him since I didn't see a ring in his finger.

After that day, I decided to stalk him on social media through through his Linkedin since i only new his first name and company and I realised he is from the West (no offence but I don't really see myself in a serious relationship with guys from the West;most of them are promiscuous and don't value the sanctity of marriage -i would know, I live in the West). So I was a little disappointed since I hoped this was the one, lol...Yeah someone I just met right?I'm crazy like that. Anyways, that was one red flag, also the fact he didn't call me for days after collecting my number. He sent me a message on WhatsApp to say hello and appreciate my beauty, I blushed. Until he came to the office for the second time, I was on my way out for lunch and we met on my way out, the chemistry (or is it biology in this case since we have not talked much but the physical intensity was over the roof) was electrifying - you know when you are attracted to someone and you are in a public place but you wish you were not?that's how I was feeling at that moment. Then he raised his left hand and I saw the ring and it was like I got punched in the gut real hard.  So I dismissed him politely and walked away.

The thing is, when I found out he is from the West, I was trying not to be interested but I couldn't so I settled for “we will just have a good time”  then I see this ring and I'm like “great now I have more to worry about “... And as always I started worrying - hoping he is not really married that he is just wearing  the ring to probably keep some ladies away (what? Some guys do it…) or he just likes to wear rings on that finger *sigh*...but I just told myself to let go but it's been really hard since I see him almost three times a month especially recently since they are currently doing maintenance for the lift.

He has been inviting me to go out for lunch but with the election and Saturday's being really dull since February in Nigeria,we have not been able to (PS: I had already agreed to a date before we met the second time and found out he is married). I've also been trying to avoid going out with him so I don't encourage him or put myself in temptation. Two days ago, he called me and said he was outside the facility, that he was passing by and wanted to see my beautiful face. So I went to see him and we talked a little in the car,i had to go back to the office so I asked if he was happy he saw me, he said over excited and requested for  hug or kiss in the chin. I obliged (for a hug) but it turns out it was a kiss on the chin...you see, he was looking really fine that day and normally i won't make a big deal out of the kiss but that was first time in a year and half that I've been that close to a man, so it was a big deal.

The truth is, this is not who I am. I'm from a broken home so I don't like anything or anyone that involves in extra marital affairs. I don't like to cheat (even with a guy that has a girlfriend) or be cheated on - still wondering what kind of temptation is this.  If this guy wasn't married, trust me he is just my type but he is and I just have to look for a way to avoid him. Also not to make it awkward since he has a contract with the company I work for.

The truth is, yes is my type ;in terms of physique, seems like a generous person too… That's much I know about him but you know what?  He might not really be my type since he is married besides he contacts me like once in two weeks (which is a red flag apart from the FACT that he is married, lol),if I try to get to know him I might realise that we have nothing in common and God definitely knows who is meant for us and who we deserve. This could probably be a test for me,He probably wants to see how patient I am or the type of man I want physically, who knows ...i hope I pass the test.

What Married Men want from single girls

What Married Men want from single girls
Sometimes I ask myself what married men want from single girl, in other words…why they cheat and I summarized it to a few things. You see, people always have reasons for what they do which is normal. These days, cheating seems to be what’s up and what’s hot, that if you are not doing so, you are not from this world. Some might say the problem is from their wives, others might say he is just a player and a man might just say it happens. Well, I’d like to say, while some would say it’s their nature, married men just want these from single girls;

Your body

Let’s get real here, it is really rare to see a married man cheat with his age mate or someone older than his wife and here is why; men are attracted by what they see. Before a man approaches a lady, the first thing he is drawn to is her beauty. So imagine a man seeing a young girl (maybe a student –they usually love them since most of them are not looking to commit) with her youthful, innocent body and face, he will be naturally drawn to her and want to have a taste of that. Though married women these days look after themselves, some don’t really care; the minute they say I do, they feel they don’t have to try anymore and this make their men want something different “spontaneous”  and not boring.
Your time and undivided attention
Men are like babies, don’t mind that they look mature and all –they love attention and respect, and like to feel like they are the only person in your life. And single ladies give them these things even when they know they are not the only men in their lives *wink*. Most married women, after they tie the knot and have a child, the child becomes the center of their world –though it’s not a bad thing, men don’t see it that way. They feel like they have been replaced by those cute little creatures and then they try to look for attention elsewhere. Not that these men need women 24/7, they also love their space (I’m sure we are familiar with the “man cave”), they just need their women to be available whenever they need them to be. And single girls make time for them and give them their undivided attention –after all, there are no babies crying to be fed or changed.

Not to be their wives

Just like the undivided attention and physical appearance, these married men cheat with someone exactly opposite to their wives. They expect a single girl to be fit, fun and obedient. Therefore, always look hot and bed ready, no excuses, give me something new every time we meet and do whatever I want you to do. Since their wives are trying to juggle a job, keep the home, being a wife and mother; I doubt she is bothered about looking sexy unless she is a Hollywood actress that can hire as much nannies as she wants so she could look pretty for the camera.

Make them feel good

Just like them wanting attention, they always want to feel good whenever they are with you. And since you both don’t see all the time compared to his house wife, so it’s pretty easy for single girls to give them. Somehow, going out with a younger lady makes them feel young again and reminds them of some good times in the past. They don’t cheat with their age mates because they know those ones would call them on their bullshit sometimes. But with younger ladies (especially the ones with daddy issues), they see these men as their heroes and would do anything they want just to please them.

No drama
As long as these men are providing for these single girls, they expect nothing but peace and a good time. As a lady, you know he is already married, so you don’t get your hopes up on any possibility of marriage with him. Therefore, he expects that you are on the same page with him and just want to have a good time…well as long as he is providing for you. Though some singles girls give drama, it is mostly the ones that had no idea the man is married or he became too emotional with her –some men do these; make her feel like he loves her and  is on the verge of divorcing his wife . That is when a single girl might give drama; if she is emotionally invested and maybe have some insecurity. So men if you don’t want drama don’t start drama.

Has nothing to do with their wives
You might think that a man cheats because he doesn’t love his wife but it’s not true. Most times they cheat because of some internal issues; he was probably the guy that never got the hot girl in school, he is looking for some sort of validation or now that he is finally married he feels he has what it takes to woo any woman.
It’s a phase
After some men get married and have kids, some even before they have kids…they feel like they want to know if they “still got it”. Some might ask for a young lady’s number and end up not calling her; they just want to know if a hot girl can still give them her number. While some men are pressured by their friends when they say things like “you wife is controlling you”, “you are not acting like a man anymore”. They just try to prove to them that they are still the same person and marriage did not change them.

Too much money
I call these “one money miss road”. These type of men are the ones that let money define them –they just want to show off their wealth and since they believe ladies are all about the money, they use it to attract them hence cheat with them.
This post is not in any way encouraging infidelity or girls having sugar daddies, it’s just on what men want from single girls and why they cheat with them. So it’s not about the women, it’s about them; it’s what they want, they get. As women you are just there for the ride; for as long as it’s convenient for them. What do you think? Why do men cheat with young single girls?

Why do I keep having dreams of my ex?

Okay, since last year I've been having dreams of my ex, who was also my first love. From, my dating experience, you can see why it didn't work out. Though, it was painful but it had to be done. After the breakup, I felt we had unfinished business or some closure to do  that each time we see it doesn't feel like we have. I barely dreamt about him but it became serious beginning of last year, that I had to buzz him on Facebook where he quickly told me he is engaged to be married as if I was trying to get him back. I wasn't trying to get him back, a part of me just wanted to know why I had that first dream which I barely have of him.