Being attracted to a married man


Yeah it just so happens that I'm attracted to really attractive married man. You know, I had no idea he was married when we met the first time - it was at my work place. Like I mentioned on balancing work and life...I work in a facility and this particular guy is in charge of maintaining the lift. On that first day, I was with my colleague and boss when he walked in and I was like who is this tall, dark and handsome fella (and really young) but I wasn't really focused on him cause I had a lot of work to do that day and calls make.

Didn't know he was still around, so I stepped outside to make a personal call when he drove by and said hi (would have mentioned the name of the car but I'm not good with cars) and I said hi back. He introduced himself, said I look nice and asked if I had anything for lunch, I said not yet and he gave me two thousand Naira to have lunch and asked for my number; I gladly gave him since I didn't see a ring in his finger.

After that day, I decided to stalk him on social media through through his Linkedin since i only new his first name and company and I realised he is from the West (no offence but I don't really see myself in a serious relationship with guys from the West;most of them are promiscuous and don't value the sanctity of marriage -i would know, I live in the West). So I was a little disappointed since I hoped this was the one, lol...Yeah someone I just met right?I'm crazy like that. Anyways, that was one red flag, also the fact he didn't call me for days after collecting my number. He sent me a message on WhatsApp to say hello and appreciate my beauty, I blushed. Until he came to the office for the second time, I was on my way out for lunch and we met on my way out, the chemistry (or is it biology in this case since we have not talked much but the physical intensity was over the roof) was electrifying - you know when you are attracted to someone and you are in a public place but you wish you were not?that's how I was feeling at that moment. Then he raised his left hand and I saw the ring and it was like I got punched in the gut real hard.  So I dismissed him politely and walked away.

The thing is, when I found out he is from the West, I was trying not to be interested but I couldn't so I settled for “we will just have a good time”  then I see this ring and I'm like “great now I have more to worry about “... And as always I started worrying - hoping he is not really married that he is just wearing  the ring to probably keep some ladies away (what? Some guys do it…) or he just likes to wear rings on that finger *sigh*...but I just told myself to let go but it's been really hard since I see him almost three times a month especially recently since they are currently doing maintenance for the lift.

He has been inviting me to go out for lunch but with the election and Saturday's being really dull since February in Nigeria,we have not been able to (PS: I had already agreed to a date before we met the second time and found out he is married). I've also been trying to avoid going out with him so I don't encourage him or put myself in temptation. Two days ago, he called me and said he was outside the facility, that he was passing by and wanted to see my beautiful face. So I went to see him and we talked a little in the car,i had to go back to the office so I asked if he was happy he saw me, he said over excited and requested for  hug or kiss in the chin. I obliged (for a hug) but it turns out it was a kiss on the chin...you see, he was looking really fine that day and normally i won't make a big deal out of the kiss but that was first time in a year and half that I've been that close to a man, so it was a big deal.

The truth is, this is not who I am. I'm from a broken home so I don't like anything or anyone that involves in extra marital affairs. I don't like to cheat (even with a guy that has a girlfriend) or be cheated on - still wondering what kind of temptation is this.  If this guy wasn't married, trust me he is just my type but he is and I just have to look for a way to avoid him. Also not to make it awkward since he has a contract with the company I work for.

The truth is, yes is my type ;in terms of physique, seems like a generous person too… That's much I know about him but you know what?  He might not really be my type since he is married besides he contacts me like once in two weeks (which is a red flag apart from the FACT that he is married, lol),if I try to get to know him I might realise that we have nothing in common and God definitely knows who is meant for us and who we deserve. This could probably be a test for me,He probably wants to see how patient I am or the type of man I want physically, who knows ...i hope I pass the test.

How do you balance work and writing life

How do you balance work and writing life
Okay guys ,you know I said I needed a job like yesterday but the thing is, in a way it has been affecting my writing. The last article was in a bus and so is this one. Did I also mention I live in Lagos? So imagine how uncomfortable it will be... But I just have to try, especially for you guys.
This is the fourth month since I started the job and I'll tell you, I'm still figuring it out.  Let me tell you about the job ; it's a facility management company and to be honest, the job is just me (I'm mostly in control of everything that goes on in my apartment and building)... What I mean is, it's my everyday life ;I'm the help desk - I take request from a resident and it's not something that is strange to me even though it's my first time working for a facility company. The thing is, the building (which is also my office) is on the Island and I stay on the mainland - anyone living in Nigeria would know how crazy Lagos traffic can be which means one have to be at the bus-stop as early as possible.  But then, Lagos is very rough especially since I'm a lady, don't have a car (salary is not enough to buy one considering I have other responsibilities )yet... The salary is not great but I've been at home for a year plus, I had to get out of the house! In other words, apart from the job fitting me perfectly, every other thing is not so great (I'm trying not to be ungrateful).


Anyways I'm not here to rant about my new job, I'm just trying to discuss with you guys (I'm pretty sure I'm not alone - it's a damn struggle ) so we could figure out how to balance this work and writing thing. I'm supposed to have concluded writing on my dating experience since last year but look at me now.  So right now, we not just going to discuss how to balance this but come up with a plan.

Wake up early

Okay now this is very important, it also means early to bed, early to rise (it depends, especially if you don't get enough sleep - quality over quantity) . Have you not noticed when you don't get enough/good sleep ,you feel tired, unfocused and cranky (oh I know I do). So if you get good sleep, you feel energized to face anything; your nine to five and writing.

Discover you best time to right

Some people are their best at night while some are at their best during the day. So pick a time of the day that is appropriate for you to concentrate and write.  Since we really talking about a nine to fine job (though some work shifts - this still applies to you) ,I'll tell you what I do -well still trying *smiles* ; like I said earlier in this article, I'm writing this in a bus and in Lagos, due to traffic, one has to leave their home on time so they could get to the office on time. Sometimes I don't get so early so my only option is to write in the bus...for now till I know how to balance it perfectly.

Fix a schedule to publish

While you fix a time to write, you should also fix time to publish. If you have a regular time you publish, your readers will get accustomed to the schedule ;if it's daily, three times a week, on weekends... Just be consistent with it. Like now, this article is taking me days to write due to inconvenience in the bus, work stress,  hormone stress (I'm not pregnant but ladies I'm sure you get it) ...But if you have some schedule it helps you plan ahead of time and keeps you motivated.

Get some exercise

This is very important whether you want to be able to balance work and writing or not. It is the best energy boost. Though in the beginning, you might feel sore,depending on the type of exercise you are doing, you'll begin to see the benefits.  You don't have to exercise like you are contesting for Mr or Miss Universe, it could be a light jog, long walks, skipping, cycling  (like me that usually have knee pain)... Just move, even if it's for 30 minutes every day.

Get enough sleep

I can't overemphasize this, just like exercise, sleep is very important .if I don't get good sleep, I get really cranky and my whole day would just be shitty. Which also applies to early to bed, early to rise... Like imagine going to bed late and maybe you need to pee and wake up earlier than you used to, you'll go back to sleep ...therefore you wake up late than usual which means you have to start rushing to prepare and believe me that can get you disorganised - you won't be able to do your usual writing routine since you will probably be late for work and you'll be trying to catch up.

Don't wait to write the perfect article

This is one of the things I'm struggling with;waiting for the right /perfect article. The truth is, if you don't write anything, there won't be an article to determine if it's perfect or not. Besides,nothing is perfect (is there really a perfect article? - just write!). And for you to land the "perfect"  article, you  have to keep writing -practice they say, makes perfect. So don't wait, if you have something on your mind that you possibly don't feel like sharing with anyone, put it in writing. If there's is also something you would like to share and feel it could help someone, write about it as well.

Don't waste your time

Time as they say is of the essence, don't joke with your time,make sure you utilise every second . And as they also say "time is money", even though in this part of the world, they barely appreciate time or value people's time - you have to value yourself and keep adding value to yourself, it will take you a long way.  And make sure every second you use is taking you closer to your dreams.  I also know as writers, we experience "writers block",when you feel like that, spend time doing other important things - if you are at work, focus on giving it your best, if you are at home, spend quality time with your family and friends,listen to music, watch a movie, take a walk, exercise...just don't be idle.

So my friends, though this is how I feel we can balance our work and writing life, I'm sure there are more - feel free to share in the comment section. Though i battle with all these listed above,i believe I'm getting there, I just need to be consistent and more discipline ,I hope you all do the same as well.

Till my next article (only God knows when that will be), stay inspired!

Happy new year Life and Dating readers!!!

Hi everyone,

Happy new  year!!! Been MIA for too long and I have a good reason for that . You see, I got a job and it's been taking my time a lot -like I work Mondays to Saturdays (well, half day but what's the difference? As long as I leave my house that day, it doesn't matter when I get  back.  Anywho, I'm sort of back -i said sort of cause I'm still trying to figure out how I would keep posting articles with my work schedule (fingers crossed) but you know what? This is 2019,so no excuses, we just have to try however we can to achieve what we need to achieve (whether it is comfortable or not).  Besides I'm using my phone to write this on my way home, so what's your excuse?

The job is on the island and I live on the mainland so I've been trying to get used to the routine so it doesn't affect the job and my writing of course  - if I'm not in that frame of mind, I won't give you something with quality.  So my friends, I just want to wish you a happy new year and the best this world and beyond has to offer. Don't be bothered about your struggles ; be it at work, relationships, family, health... Whatever it is, just keep moving.  Keep trying and remember, consistency is key.  Always look for solutions not problems - if it ain't broke right? Always make yourself happy cause no one can expect you  - you just have to accept what you can't change and do what feels right.  It applies to every part of your life. Make sure you stay healthy and away from toxic /negative people. .. You don't need the darling!

I'm grateful for you guys (my loyal readers), thank God we made it.   I love you all, you are very important and the world needs everyone of you - remember that!

Once again, Happy new year!!! Don't work so hard but smart. Do something daring this year. Resolution? Hmm... Just do what feels right, one day at a time. You'll be alright *smiles*
Until I write next (bear with my writing schedule) ...please accept me the way I am.
Wish you and yours a great 2019.

What Married Men want from single girls

What Married Men want from single girls
Sometimes I ask myself what married men want from single girl, in other words…why they cheat and I summarized it to a few things. You see, people always have reasons for what they do which is normal. These days, cheating seems to be what’s up and what’s hot, that if you are not doing so, you are not from this world. Some might say the problem is from their wives, others might say he is just a player and a man might just say it happens. Well, I’d like to say, while some would say it’s their nature, married men just want these from single girls;

Your body

Let’s get real here, it is really rare to see a married man cheat with his age mate or someone older than his wife and here is why; men are attracted by what they see. Before a man approaches a lady, the first thing he is drawn to is her beauty. So imagine a man seeing a young girl (maybe a student –they usually love them since most of them are not looking to commit) with her youthful, innocent body and face, he will be naturally drawn to her and want to have a taste of that. Though married women these days look after themselves, some don’t really care; the minute they say I do, they feel they don’t have to try anymore and this make their men want something different “spontaneous”  and not boring.
Your time and undivided attention
Men are like babies, don’t mind that they look mature and all –they love attention and respect, and like to feel like they are the only person in your life. And single ladies give them these things even when they know they are not the only men in their lives *wink*. Most married women, after they tie the knot and have a child, the child becomes the center of their world –though it’s not a bad thing, men don’t see it that way. They feel like they have been replaced by those cute little creatures and then they try to look for attention elsewhere. Not that these men need women 24/7, they also love their space (I’m sure we are familiar with the “man cave”), they just need their women to be available whenever they need them to be. And single girls make time for them and give them their undivided attention –after all, there are no babies crying to be fed or changed.

Not to be their wives

Just like the undivided attention and physical appearance, these married men cheat with someone exactly opposite to their wives. They expect a single girl to be fit, fun and obedient. Therefore, always look hot and bed ready, no excuses, give me something new every time we meet and do whatever I want you to do. Since their wives are trying to juggle a job, keep the home, being a wife and mother; I doubt she is bothered about looking sexy unless she is a Hollywood actress that can hire as much nannies as she wants so she could look pretty for the camera.

Make them feel good

Just like them wanting attention, they always want to feel good whenever they are with you. And since you both don’t see all the time compared to his house wife, so it’s pretty easy for single girls to give them. Somehow, going out with a younger lady makes them feel young again and reminds them of some good times in the past. They don’t cheat with their age mates because they know those ones would call them on their bullshit sometimes. But with younger ladies (especially the ones with daddy issues), they see these men as their heroes and would do anything they want just to please them.

No drama
As long as these men are providing for these single girls, they expect nothing but peace and a good time. As a lady, you know he is already married, so you don’t get your hopes up on any possibility of marriage with him. Therefore, he expects that you are on the same page with him and just want to have a good time…well as long as he is providing for you. Though some singles girls give drama, it is mostly the ones that had no idea the man is married or he became too emotional with her –some men do these; make her feel like he loves her and  is on the verge of divorcing his wife . That is when a single girl might give drama; if she is emotionally invested and maybe have some insecurity. So men if you don’t want drama don’t start drama.

Has nothing to do with their wives
You might think that a man cheats because he doesn’t love his wife but it’s not true. Most times they cheat because of some internal issues; he was probably the guy that never got the hot girl in school, he is looking for some sort of validation or now that he is finally married he feels he has what it takes to woo any woman.
It’s a phase
After some men get married and have kids, some even before they have kids…they feel like they want to know if they “still got it”. Some might ask for a young lady’s number and end up not calling her; they just want to know if a hot girl can still give them her number. While some men are pressured by their friends when they say things like “you wife is controlling you”, “you are not acting like a man anymore”. They just try to prove to them that they are still the same person and marriage did not change them.

Too much money
I call these “one money miss road”. These type of men are the ones that let money define them –they just want to show off their wealth and since they believe ladies are all about the money, they use it to attract them hence cheat with them.
This post is not in any way encouraging infidelity or girls having sugar daddies, it’s just on what men want from single girls and why they cheat with them. So it’s not about the women, it’s about them; it’s what they want, they get. As women you are just there for the ride; for as long as it’s convenient for them. What do you think? Why do men cheat with young single girls?

What is on my mind right now?

What is on my mind right now?

Um, there are a lot of things on my mind but right now is staring at my blog account, seeing how i have not been able to post anything for two weeks. To be honest a lot have been going on that i didn't know how i totally abandoned my blog. It's not that i haven't thought of writing something, it’s just before i try to write something, I tell myself it has to be a very long post and i ask if i have enough time to write it.

Why do I keep having dreams of my ex?

Okay, since last year I've been having dreams of my ex, who was also my first love. From, my dating experience, you can see why it didn't work out. Though, it was painful but it had to be done. After the breakup, I felt we had unfinished business or some closure to do  that each time we see it doesn't feel like we have. I barely dreamt about him but it became serious beginning of last year, that I had to buzz him on Facebook where he quickly told me he is engaged to be married as if I was trying to get him back. I wasn't trying to get him back, a part of me just wanted to know why I had that first dream which I barely have of him.

Don't settle for less,you deserve better

Don't settle for less,you deserve better
That’s what I heard growing up; either from people, in a song or family but I never really understood it until life began to deal with me. Don’t settle for less, you deserve better, you are too good for this and that… And you know what? It is true. Despite what life throws at you, you are better than that, you deserve more than what you are getting. We are all here for a reason, a purpose and need to be able to take it – whatever that is.