Being attracted to a married man


Yeah it just so happens that I'm attracted to really attractive married man. You know, I had no idea he was married when we met the first time - it was at my work place. Like I mentioned on balancing work and life...I work in a facility and this particular guy is in charge of maintaining the lift. On that first day, I was with my colleague and boss when he walked in and I was like who is this tall, dark and handsome fella (and really young) but I wasn't really focused on him cause I had a lot of work to do that day and calls make.

Didn't know he was still around, so I stepped outside to make a personal call when he drove by and said hi (would have mentioned the name of the car but I'm not good with cars) and I said hi back. He introduced himself, said I look nice and asked if I had anything for lunch, I said not yet and he gave me two thousand Naira to have lunch and asked for my number; I gladly gave him since I didn't see a ring in his finger.

After that day, I decided to stalk him on social media through through his Linkedin since i only new his first name and company and I realised he is from the West (no offence but I don't really see myself in a serious relationship with guys from the West;most of them are promiscuous and don't value the sanctity of marriage -i would know, I live in the West). So I was a little disappointed since I hoped this was the one, lol...Yeah someone I just met right?I'm crazy like that. Anyways, that was one red flag, also the fact he didn't call me for days after collecting my number. He sent me a message on WhatsApp to say hello and appreciate my beauty, I blushed. Until he came to the office for the second time, I was on my way out for lunch and we met on my way out, the chemistry (or is it biology in this case since we have not talked much but the physical intensity was over the roof) was electrifying - you know when you are attracted to someone and you are in a public place but you wish you were not?that's how I was feeling at that moment. Then he raised his left hand and I saw the ring and it was like I got punched in the gut real hard.  So I dismissed him politely and walked away.

The thing is, when I found out he is from the West, I was trying not to be interested but I couldn't so I settled for “we will just have a good time”  then I see this ring and I'm like “great now I have more to worry about “... And as always I started worrying - hoping he is not really married that he is just wearing  the ring to probably keep some ladies away (what? Some guys do it…) or he just likes to wear rings on that finger *sigh*...but I just told myself to let go but it's been really hard since I see him almost three times a month especially recently since they are currently doing maintenance for the lift.

He has been inviting me to go out for lunch but with the election and Saturday's being really dull since February in Nigeria,we have not been able to (PS: I had already agreed to a date before we met the second time and found out he is married). I've also been trying to avoid going out with him so I don't encourage him or put myself in temptation. Two days ago, he called me and said he was outside the facility, that he was passing by and wanted to see my beautiful face. So I went to see him and we talked a little in the car,i had to go back to the office so I asked if he was happy he saw me, he said over excited and requested for  hug or kiss in the chin. I obliged (for a hug) but it turns out it was a kiss on the chin...you see, he was looking really fine that day and normally i won't make a big deal out of the kiss but that was first time in a year and half that I've been that close to a man, so it was a big deal.

The truth is, this is not who I am. I'm from a broken home so I don't like anything or anyone that involves in extra marital affairs. I don't like to cheat (even with a guy that has a girlfriend) or be cheated on - still wondering what kind of temptation is this.  If this guy wasn't married, trust me he is just my type but he is and I just have to look for a way to avoid him. Also not to make it awkward since he has a contract with the company I work for.

The truth is, yes is my type ;in terms of physique, seems like a generous person too… That's much I know about him but you know what?  He might not really be my type since he is married besides he contacts me like once in two weeks (which is a red flag apart from the FACT that he is married, lol),if I try to get to know him I might realise that we have nothing in common and God definitely knows who is meant for us and who we deserve. This could probably be a test for me,He probably wants to see how patient I am or the type of man I want physically, who knows ...i hope I pass the test.

How do you balance work and writing life

How do you balance work and writing life
Okay guys ,you know I said I needed a job like yesterday but the thing is, in a way it has been affecting my writing. The last article was in a bus and so is this one. Did I also mention I live in Lagos? So imagine how uncomfortable it will be... But I just have to try, especially for you guys.
This is the fourth month since I started the job and I'll tell you, I'm still figuring it out.  Let me tell you about the job ; it's a facility management company and to be honest, the job is just me (I'm mostly in control of everything that goes on in my apartment and building)... What I mean is, it's my everyday life ;I'm the help desk - I take request from a resident and it's not something that is strange to me even though it's my first time working for a facility company. The thing is, the building (which is also my office) is on the Island and I stay on the mainland - anyone living in Nigeria would know how crazy Lagos traffic can be which means one have to be at the bus-stop as early as possible.  But then, Lagos is very rough especially since I'm a lady, don't have a car (salary is not enough to buy one considering I have other responsibilities )yet... The salary is not great but I've been at home for a year plus, I had to get out of the house! In other words, apart from the job fitting me perfectly, every other thing is not so great (I'm trying not to be ungrateful).


Anyways I'm not here to rant about my new job, I'm just trying to discuss with you guys (I'm pretty sure I'm not alone - it's a damn struggle ) so we could figure out how to balance this work and writing thing. I'm supposed to have concluded writing on my dating experience since last year but look at me now.  So right now, we not just going to discuss how to balance this but come up with a plan.

Wake up early

Okay now this is very important, it also means early to bed, early to rise (it depends, especially if you don't get enough sleep - quality over quantity) . Have you not noticed when you don't get enough/good sleep ,you feel tired, unfocused and cranky (oh I know I do). So if you get good sleep, you feel energized to face anything; your nine to five and writing.

Discover you best time to right

Some people are their best at night while some are at their best during the day. So pick a time of the day that is appropriate for you to concentrate and write.  Since we really talking about a nine to fine job (though some work shifts - this still applies to you) ,I'll tell you what I do -well still trying *smiles* ; like I said earlier in this article, I'm writing this in a bus and in Lagos, due to traffic, one has to leave their home on time so they could get to the office on time. Sometimes I don't get so early so my only option is to write in the bus...for now till I know how to balance it perfectly.

Fix a schedule to publish

While you fix a time to write, you should also fix time to publish. If you have a regular time you publish, your readers will get accustomed to the schedule ;if it's daily, three times a week, on weekends... Just be consistent with it. Like now, this article is taking me days to write due to inconvenience in the bus, work stress,  hormone stress (I'm not pregnant but ladies I'm sure you get it) ...But if you have some schedule it helps you plan ahead of time and keeps you motivated.

Get some exercise

This is very important whether you want to be able to balance work and writing or not. It is the best energy boost. Though in the beginning, you might feel sore,depending on the type of exercise you are doing, you'll begin to see the benefits.  You don't have to exercise like you are contesting for Mr or Miss Universe, it could be a light jog, long walks, skipping, cycling  (like me that usually have knee pain)... Just move, even if it's for 30 minutes every day.

Get enough sleep

I can't overemphasize this, just like exercise, sleep is very important .if I don't get good sleep, I get really cranky and my whole day would just be shitty. Which also applies to early to bed, early to rise... Like imagine going to bed late and maybe you need to pee and wake up earlier than you used to, you'll go back to sleep ...therefore you wake up late than usual which means you have to start rushing to prepare and believe me that can get you disorganised - you won't be able to do your usual writing routine since you will probably be late for work and you'll be trying to catch up.

Don't wait to write the perfect article

This is one of the things I'm struggling with;waiting for the right /perfect article. The truth is, if you don't write anything, there won't be an article to determine if it's perfect or not. Besides,nothing is perfect (is there really a perfect article? - just write!). And for you to land the "perfect"  article, you  have to keep writing -practice they say, makes perfect. So don't wait, if you have something on your mind that you possibly don't feel like sharing with anyone, put it in writing. If there's is also something you would like to share and feel it could help someone, write about it as well.

Don't waste your time

Time as they say is of the essence, don't joke with your time,make sure you utilise every second . And as they also say "time is money", even though in this part of the world, they barely appreciate time or value people's time - you have to value yourself and keep adding value to yourself, it will take you a long way.  And make sure every second you use is taking you closer to your dreams.  I also know as writers, we experience "writers block",when you feel like that, spend time doing other important things - if you are at work, focus on giving it your best, if you are at home, spend quality time with your family and friends,listen to music, watch a movie, take a walk, exercise...just don't be idle.

So my friends, though this is how I feel we can balance our work and writing life, I'm sure there are more - feel free to share in the comment section. Though i battle with all these listed above,i believe I'm getting there, I just need to be consistent and more discipline ,I hope you all do the same as well.

Till my next article (only God knows when that will be), stay inspired!