How to get over someone you love

 



Love is a very beautiful thing and it could lead to happily ever after or it could lead to something disastrous. 


There is indeed a thin line between love and hate. 

But should that stop us from loving anyways? It never does and we shouldn't try to. Just like a One Tree Hill quote;

"And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.”

So why do we want to get over someone we love or used to love? They broke our hearts (maybe not intentionally),we changed and they didn't...Whatever it is, we just want to forget about them and act like it never happened. 


Sorry to burst your bubble but you can't forget someone you love or used to love,they are part of you now.  You can only move on. 


Does it take time? Yes. Will you find love again, Yes. Is there a time frame to get over someone? No (won't that be great though?) .

I don't know where I read or heard this but it says it takes half the time of the relationship timeline to get over someone. For example, if you dated for four years, it takes two years to move on - that's just hogwash! 


I don't believe that. I dated my university boyfriend for almost five years and it took me twice-the-year to move on and not even completely because I still see him in my dreams. 


He is married and have a kid now. He married ten years after we broke up and i cried on his wedding month.  


So, i'll just tell you, you can't get over someone you love cause if you do then it wasn't love in the first place. You can only move on, carry the memories with you -smiling at the good and learning from the bad. 


So instead of how do you get over someone you love, you should try to move on from someone you love. 


How do you move on? 


You can move to another city 


It might seem like you are running away but that is not it. Now this depends on if you got a job in another city or you just take some months away from your city. 


Just try to leave that state for some months. Changing environment and meeting new people will take your mind off the breakup and it will make you realise that there is more to see and learn outside your city .



Keep their photos away or out of sight 


Yes, this is very important. If you decide to leave town, you can leave their photos in a box at home and move to another city or state. 


Dont burn or tear their photos -trust me you will regret that after you have moved on and have good memories about the relationship. 

Just keep them out of sight or separate them from your photo album so you don't accidentally see them. 


Delete them from social media 


Just like hiding your photos cause you don't want them all in your space,you should delete them from your social media and stop receiving notifications from them. 


If not it will be hard to get over them. 


Make friends ,don't jump into a new relationship 


Instead of jumping into another relationship, make friends instead. Even though you are really hot and people want to date you, we both know you are not ready, so why put another person in that drama? 


They will respect you if you are honest with them and tell them you are not looking for anything, that you just want to be friends instead of leading them on. 


Start new hobbies or develop old ones 


You know being in a relationship sometimes can take most of our time -I used to be that girl. Where i'll just focus on my relationship and put my goals on hold on or spend so much time with them that i procrastinate a lot. 


But it shouldn't be this way;being in a healthy relationship should make you want to be better and inspire you to do and be whatever you want to be. Its shouldn't hinder you or make you feel less of yourself. 


I heard a relationship that didn't last long but i felt like i could do anything. I felt like i could fly ,like anything is possible. 


So focus on your hobbies or start a new one. Keep yourself occupied. Who knows your hobby could turn to a profitable business. Just keep your mind occupied. 


Exercise 


Exercise is good for the body and mind. It helps with depression and you look good in the process. 

Make it part of your daily routine and you would have something to focus on that you won't even have the time to think about your ex. 


Give it time 


Yes,sometimes you might think of him/her. If you want to cry about it, go somewhere and cry your eyes out. 


Write a letter to them that you will never send -this helped me a lot. You feel lighter after you do this. Writing helps me vent ,release my thoughts and gives me clarity . This could help you too. 


Somedays you might feel like calling them, call your bestie instead. Calling them and they don't pick,will only make you feel worse. 


Surround yourself with positive family and friends. 


I said positive because some family members can be really negative and you don't want to be going through a heartache and confide in a negative friend or family. 


You will just feel worse and even tempted to give your ex a call cause you don't have joy in your home or people you can talk to that makes you feel better . 


Have I gotten over my ex? No. But I have moved on. We had a good run, it wasn't perfect but i was in love and it was a great feeling to have. 


And because i love him, i want him to be happy and i want to be happy as well. Sometimes love alone is not enough to make a relationship work and i'm glad that i realized that and let him go. 


I loved him and i can love again. We are not meant for one person. It takes two people to make a relationship work and if you are not getting that love and support ,you shouldn't stay because you are scared you might never meet anyone like him or her. 


Don't regret the love you once had. It is a great feeling to love and be loved. If you both put in your best and its not working, you should move on. It is hard but its better now than to resent each other later. 


Don't try to get over your ex, just move on. There is no fast or slow way about it. Walk at your pace, everyone deals with things differently. 







Happy New Year LD Family!!!

Thank God for making us see this year. Grateful for family, friends and you all. I'm excited that this year is a year of hope and celebration.

Today is Friday- the year started on a weekend! You know what that means *smiles*.

I just want each and everyone of us to have hope and faith ,that we may never experience what we experienced last year in the rest of our lifetime.

That this new day is the beginning of everything good and new. The problems and troubles of 2020 has been washed away.  It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life!!!

Live this year like it's golden, love like its your last day on earth and dance like nobody's watching.

I love you all and can't wait to start telling you amazing stories.

Happy New year LD family!!!

Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New year

 

We at Life and Dating would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year.

This year have been tough and made us feel all kinds of things but in the end we are alive to experience the joy of Christmas. It’s just a shame that with everything that the pandemic has taught us, some people won’t change -I’m talking about doing better and living a life full of love and compassion.

But would that stop us from being good and doing the right things? It shouldn’t. We should always try to be the best version of ourselves and let the world feel our presence in a positive light. No matter what the bitter people of this world bring our way.

You are better that who they say you are, you matter and the world is grateful for you in it.

We pray for a better 2021, filled with love, compassion, peace, joy and prosperity. Hope to see you next year and hope that your great dreams come true.

Merry Christmas once again, See you 2021!

What happens if you lose your virginity before 22?

What happens after you lose your virginity? Well, life happens, you move on. You are still you – well with a broken hymen (ah, that sounds gross!). Well, it’s not that big a deal, I’ll tell you my story;

Losing my virginity was with my first boyfriend –we dated for two years before I decided to give it up. It was during my university days; I always had this notion that whoever would take my virginity would be my husband, lol - how naive of me.

Anyways, I fell in love but I was always scared of penetration. There was this girl in my hostel that guys bragged about having intercourse with her.  I’m on the big size, well tall because I was quite slim in school. This girl was really petite and yet guys would brag about doing all kinds of things to her and I wondered –how can someone this small have intercourse – again, very naive of me.

So on the faithful day, one hot afternoon, I paid my boyfriend a visit and told him I was ready. He kept asking if I was sure and I told him “I am” that I just want to get it over with. So we did it.

I won’t advise anyone to do it for the first time the way we did it. Maybe it’s because we both watched adult movies, I just can’t explain why I decided to be on top for the first time...

It was very painful, I didn’t bleed but I felt a pep-perish pain every time water touched there.

Having intercourse for the first time was uncomfortable; my boyfriend then was quite endowed but didn’t know how to use it so it kind of bruised me a little.

How long you should wait before losing you virginity

You can wait for as long as you want. There is no fixed age to lose your virginity but you should be above 18 at most. It should be with someone you love and loves you back. It should be with someone that respects you.

If I would have to advise whether to do it early, I would say don’t. Why rush? After having intercourse for the first time, depending on the experience, you would want to keep having it. Though I don't advice to do it so early; I’m a Christian and believe it should be done with your spouse and it shouldn’t be something you just give freely.

With the world we live in today, people don’t take intercourse as a big deal anymore –it’s like taking a shower or brushing your teeth for most people but it shouldn’t be so.

Love making should be with someone you love and trust, someone that even though it doesn’t work out, you have no regrets cause it was a beautiful relationship. You just have to be sure of who you decide to give your body to.

Also, make sure you are safe  guys…I can’t stress that enough. You don’t want to get one disease or more from anyone; it’s very uncomfortable and could be deadly.

Do you walk differently after losing your virginity?

You don’t look any different, though you will feel different. Just like when Adam and Eve were exposed to the forbidden fruit –well not that drastic but you get my point.

You don’t walk differently unless you had to be in a very uncomfortable position for hours (no one have intercourse for hours…); you are still the same person and walk the same.

Intercourse is a natural activity, our bodies and hormones are wired for it. Was I glad I lost my virginity at 20?  It’s a little bittersweet. At the time, my boyfriend and I were in a serious relationship –well at least that is what I thought but I just wished I waited a little and not rush the intercourse process.

But all the same, it happened, I moved on, I’m still me. So don’t worry about losing your virginity before 22, as long as you are sure of whom you are doing it with and you are keeping safe. 

And if you decide to lose your virginity after 22, it’s still fine. Like I said, no specific time to lose your virginity, just follow your heart and listen to your body (trust me, your body have a way of telling you if it’s ready to have IT, especially for ladies).

Why you should not make your boyfriend jealous

Most of us, especially young couples feel the need to make their boyfriend/girlfriend jealous, why do we do this though? Is it to get attention, to spice up the relationship or just to play games?

Relationships comes with everything; the happy, the sad, the good, the bad and the ugly but it takes people that really love and respect each other to know that they don’t need to make the other person feel jealous. This is why you should not try to make your boyfriend jealous;

Someone always get hurt

Someone always gets hurt in the process. I remember myuniversity days when I tried to make my boyfriend jealous by always meeting with his friend. The thing is, I had no idea that his friends had a plan to set me up – well, cause of how my then boyfriend bragged about me (Also, his friend secretly liked me).

So this best friend bet with his other friends that he would get me. My boyfriend and I were having a misunderstanding and his friend kind of took advantage of it –it was funny how he happened to be there when I needed someone, looking back it all made sense. Though we had a lot in common, so it wasn’t always bad meeting up but I just hung out because I assumed he would tell his friend, my boyfriend that he saw me.

To cut the story short, it didn’t end well. He kissed me shockingly and I told him I would have to tell my boyfriend about it. He begged me not to that his girlfriend would not forgive him. I know his girlfriend and we have this group couple thing we did that I didn’t want to ruin that; without knowing this guy had an agenda.

I stopped seeing him but I could not keep lying to my boyfriend, so I told him and we almost broke up for it. After that time the trust was lost and the relationship was not the same, even though we tried.

Love is not a game

I know some people might argue about this, given the multiple dating apps and shows. Also the fact that men love to play games but I tell you, true love does not play games -maybe in the beginning when you all are trying to get to know one another, not a serious relationship.

Someone that really loves you will be there for you and give you the attention you need that you don’t need to seek it from someone else or make him jealous to notice.

It’s a waste of time

Take it from someone who has played all the games (hmm, maybe not all but a good amount)…it’s not worth it and it’s a total waste of time. Just imagine playing games with someone that doesn’t even care about you. What’s the point? Why waste your energy on a relationship that is not working.

If he/she can’t see how awesome you are and you need to bring someone else in the picture, then he is not the one for you and you are just wasting your time.

That same energy used to make him jealous, use the same to make you happy. Use it to learn new things. Start a new hobby, watch your favorite show, take a nap (cause, boy! is very exhausting looking for attention or trying to get someone that doesn’t care about you to notice).

If you feel the need to make your boyfriend jealous, maybe it’s time to validate the relationship.

Conclusion

Like most genuine married couples say; “When you meet your own, you just know – though I am not married (this is also for married couples) yet I believe it’s when you meet that person ,you have this sense of peace and like you have found home (hmm, a new home since you had a home before he/she arrived). Besides why would someone that wants to be with you, waste time with you or make you feel any less than you deserve? That’s when you should know, it’s not just it.

Although some people just love the games aka “DRAMA”, if you meet the one and believe in your heart of hearts that he/she is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, trust me you don’t need to make him/her jealous. It would only hurt them and bring problem to the relationship.

Also knowing that “if it’s meant to be, it will be” but why make someone feel unloved to test them only to lose them and they come back to begin the episode again? It’s draining and no one has the time to keep going back and fought when they could easily be with someone that treats them otherwise.  Everyone wants to feel loved and be loved, so before you think of making him/her jealous, think of the consequences and if the relationship is worth it.

Is it wise to make your boyfriend/girlfriend jealous? And why do you think it is? Share in the comment section.

 


Thought he was the one, Guess I was wrong


People will always disappoint you, no matter who they are or who they used be.  Though it hurts when it's someone you really love, it really hurts...
You know, we date people and break up. Some we break up for good reasons, some for bad and some for something that don't just make any sense.  Sometimes we want to get back with them, maybe like the latter...which is due to a little misunderstanding but it doesn't always work out that way .

I went to see my ex last year , he lives in another state and invited me. This was after I reached out;  I did it cause since we broke up, we keep going on a roller coaster - this year I'll block him, next year we are in contact again. I just wanted to grow the F-up.  And yes a part of me misses him, I kept wondering what went wrong. It's a long story but I really want to talk about it, so here goes;

It all started during my prescience, I met this talk, lanky, fair  handsome but shy guy, we say 'hello' 'hi',  he liked me, I had no idea... Someone else asked me out and I accepted. But me and this guy remained friends through out our university days, I even told him when I lost my virginity to the other guy (I had no idea I did at the time), that's how close we were.
Something happened in our second year,it was his sisters birthday and she came to our school to see him, we hung out at his friends place;his sister and friend were giving me hints about him having feelings for me but I didn't get it.  The little party was over and he walked me to my hostel;it started raining at the gate and he gave me his plaid shirt - at that spot, just that spot, I realised that I'm having feelings for him.  Since I was in a relationship with someone else and didn't know if this friend of mine wanted me, I decided not to think about it.

After that time, we were not always seeing, just once in a while. Then in year three, I lost my dad, my boyfriend attended and my friend could not but he called me and we talked really well. The thing is,me and this guy were not always in contact but each time we communicate, it feels like we have always been in touch cause we catch up really fast.

Anyways,before I graduated I ended things with my then boyfriend and travelled back home. After some months, I was called to serve my country, and I was posted to my friends state of residence.  Meanwhile I was dating someone else after school and somehow got engaged  - another weird and not so long story...

I went to see my friend at their family home, putting on my engagement ring (SMH), his family was so nice.  We watched movies, went for a walk, hung out with his friends and had drinks.  It was funny how they all knew about me and how smitten he was except me but I knew after the weekend I spent at his home. But then if he wanted to tell me, that ring I was putting on didn't help matters.  The truth is,i felt so at home and at peace after spending that weekend with his family - and we were just friends.

After a year, I completed my National youth Corp , I went back to my state of residence. Called off my engagement, and could not stop thinking about my time with my friend. We talked on phone once in a while, life happened, we lost communication again. Then I got a job in his state of residence and moved there. Before then, we sorta had a misunderstanding - maybe I took it personal cause I was having feelings for him . I was staying with my friend and I had few months to stay with her ,three months  precisely -since I was hoping I would be able to save up from my salary and pay for a place.  I reached out to this male friend of mine and told him I was in his city and he asked to meet up . We meet at a junction were he took me to his house. It was really nice seeing him, we were in a shared cab as and he placed his hands across my shoulders.

We got to his house , I freshened up and we started watching Twilight .He asked if I was hungry ,I said no. As the movie was playing, he  ironed my clothes while we caught up. He was done with ironing and since I had to work the next day, I had to go to bed (his cousin was around though - it was just the three of us).  As I stayed in the bedroom and he was in the living room, I wanted him to stay with me.  So I stood at the door and called him to stay with me.

To be continued...

My Dating experience :Letter to an unnecessary Ex

Here's a letter to my ex that shouldn't have been an ex in the first place;

Dear Valentine,

I kept on thinking about our conversation after we ended the call yesterday and I just haven't gotten over it. I'm just sad.


After saying you were testing me, it got me thinking how someone that claims to love you would use your weakness against you. You once said you couldn't figure me out and that I should help you out. I didn't want to cause I feared what would happen ,yet I opened up and told you about things that get me upset, I even explained my mood swings that time of the month. But you chose to "test " me after I spoke to you about my colleagues.

After you flared up about video call ( when you should have been honest with me about it from the start),have I ever talked about it with you since then? No!  Because I know it's not something you like and I don't want to upset you. That is what people that love each other do. They both know their strength and weaknesses, though no one is perfect.,they bring out more of their strengths, not weaknesses,they try as much as possible never to see that side of the person.

I just told you how it has been stressful at work but you felt it was the best time to "test" me . There's this saying that when you are looking for something, you always find it. Is the relationship that boring that you thought you should be negative towards me? If you getting tired of the relationship, why not just say so, than trying to make my weakness the reason for the breakup when you deliberately wanted to make me angry.

What if I decided to play your games and pretend I wasn't upset, I keep pretending and you feel I'm "wife material " enough, then  we eventually get married and all those things bundling up just come out?

Did getting me upset make you feel better?if it did then you are not the one for me. It only made things worse - I don't need to make excuses for my anger but you knew how stressed I was, my period around the corner but that was the right time to trigger me? Love is about understanding and I don't think you understand me. Cause if you did you wouldn't feel the need to test me negatively.

To be honest, I don't think you were testing me, you were actually upset and talked to me like I was nothing. But cause things got out of hand, you say you were testing me (and I failed right?). How would you feel if I decide to "test" you or do things that gets you upset? Won't you react? And don't give me the talk about being a "man", women are human beings too.  Ego or not, you don't treat people bad in the name of testing them ;that using their weaknesses against them,talk more of someone you claim to love.

When you asked about my sister while we were arguing on the phone and I told you, she can't talk to me right now and you said it's cause she is afraid of me and everyone in  my family . See how you jump into conclusions? You already have an idea of who you think I am ,without even coming close to know.  My sister and family are not afraid of me, we (in my family) just have boundaries and know when to give each other space and it takes understanding to be able to do that. They know me and i know them :we try as much as we can to avoid conflict or anything that will upset the other person. We don't go looking for conflict, we always want peace.


If there is anything you feel you don't like about  me and you can't tolerate it, we should talk about it and move on (together or not). Not using something that has nothing to do with it as the issue.
I need peace in my life, and I can't be with someone that doesn't want to understand me, that judges me or try to belittle me to feel good about themselves. If you want to get to know me, you don't have to keep triggering me negatively - it's not healthy . Why not do something positive to understand /get to know me?

I have been through a lot in my life that it's a miracle I still give out positivity. I still shine in all the darkness and try to give light wherever I am that when people that are patient enough to hear my story listen ,they don't believe I went through all that. So why would you want to dim my light?that is not the idea I had of a partner.

You once called me your nigga/G ,I highly doubt that I am. If I was really your nigga (or in my way of understanding "your person "),you would respect me and take out more time to know me. So as far as I know, you are not my person - my person would know my period calendar, moods... My person would know the time and place... If that makes sense.
I'd rather like to know if this can go forward fruitfully or not now and not be misled later on.  That way, we could go our separate ways amicably since we have not invested much apart from our time.

If we want to continue, I hope it only gets better. If not, I hope you find someone that understands and respects you as much as you do them. Cause that is what I wish for myself and wont settle until I do.

Yeah, so I wrote this after a horrible dating experience with someone I wasn't interested in at first but he persistent and I decided to give him a chance but it didn't go well two months in.  So I wrote this to him but never sent it - it was my way of closing that chapter and moving on...And it worked! It made me decide never to settle, if you are not who I want, I won't even bother.  Hope you enjoyed reading?



Happy New year!!!May this be your best year yet

Happy new year everyone!!!  Last year ended yesterday and today is a new day.  I'm so grateful for life, my family, friends and you all.

I wish you the best year yet and may all your  awesome dreams come true.  No matter what life throws at you, take it like a champ and keep moving.  As long as we are alive, the sky is just a stepping stone.  You and I are made for greatness!  And from the look of things, 2020 is already looking better - Hey!  my first post in a long time *smiles *.

I love you all and I hope I keep doing this everyday. Happy 2020 everyone!!!

XO

How my year is going so far...

How my year is going so far...
Hey guys,
How are  you all doing? Hope great. I'm fine thank you for asking. So I know it's been a while you
heard from me,well I've been busy with moving with my family ,work, mum feeling sick,Easter ….
It's been a year guys…And you know what?  Though I've been really stressed, I like that I've been
very busy:you know, not worry about not being in a relationship and all that crap (yeah I call it crap
cause dating is hard and Nigerian men don't make it easy).

The strange thing is, while I was pursuing money and getting really busy, somehow I've managed to
be social - well not entirely, I'm quite the introvert but I met a new friend.  I know you are wondering
oh just one friend?! Trust me making friends is not the problem, it's making genuine friends...So yeah,
it's a big deal for me.
Anyways, I met this friend while I was house hunting (she is a lady, in case you are wondering),half
Ghanaian, half Ibo. She was really friendly and just nice, like I can't remember the last time I
connected with someone since 2005.  The house we were supposed to take was below her apartment,
due to some shenanigans with the landlord(oh no, landlord’s brother) and agent, it did not work out
but then I made a friend. The first meeting was in the building,i was inquiring about the apartment
and the second was in a bus on my way to work on the island. I recognized her and said hello, we
talked like we've known each other for a really long time and it began from there. Since then, we have
been going to work together (her mum drops us at the bus stop), planning work out sessions - I really
don't know when I would make time for that...she is already tired of trying to convince me, lol.
So far , it's been good .
Image result for how my year is going so far

I also finally met my male friend from twitter ,we have met for like three to four times (mostly at my
work, since all I do is work,lol),the fourth  time was during Easter Monday, we went to a conservation
center at Lekki, it was adventurous and fun (even had canopy walk,met some monkeys and fishes)...
it was another fun in a really long time.  After few hours we went to his apartment he shares with two
other ladies, made noodles, talked a little and shared a kissed. It was nice but I wasn't in the romance
mood so we stopped: somehow I think we both know we won't get married, we are better off as friends.
i'll probably explain this later but in a nutshell, I think we both felt awkward afterwards since we have
not seen since then; he has been busy and I'm not even bothered. We still communicate once in a while
though.

Just last weekend, I met someone on my way to church, I had not been in church for three weeks (was
down with malaria and my aunt of the month came after ) so I made sure I attended this time. Walking
to church on my street, someone was walking really fast behind me,i was also walking fast as well until
he approached me. This tall dark slender handsome looking man and he asked “Hello, do you know
where a Catholic Church is around here? “ I have been to the parish but it's quite far, I was told there is
an outstation close by “. And I smiled a little and said:”yeah that's where I'm going “. As we walked
down,i asked if he is new in the estate, he said a few months. And I asked how he found the estate, he
said “peaceful”.
We got to church and usually, I like to sit at the extreme end but I felt since I was with someone, it
would be awkward if we walk in just to sit separately. He also stretched his hand where he wanted to
sit, like he was inviting me to sit next to him.We didn't say a word to each other and I kept admiring
him from my side eye.  It's funny cause, I had a dream about maybe (I said maybe cause I mean, who
knows… ) my future husband, but I couldn't see his face ; in the dream we were seated by the bed, I
was holding our baby (who was really fair skinned by the way) but in this particular dream, I was
watching myself from behind but also felt my baby in my arms… I don't know if that makes sense.
Anyways, I didn't see his face but I saw the back head, he looked dark, tall and slender. Since that
dream have been looking out for that back head, lol. After a while I gave up cause It just felt ridiculous
until I saw this guy and guess what?  He has that back head, tall, dark and slender *sigh*.

We didn't say a word in church until during Thanksgiving and I asked of his parents ( yeah, while on
our walk, I asked if he stayed with his family,he said he stays alone *wink*) .He said he lost his dad
really young and his mum passed away last year after a failed brain surgery.  I felt really sad for him,
I also told him my dad is late, that it's just my mum now. If felt really nice that this person could talk
about something so personal to someone he just met (though I have that effect on people). It made me
feel really comfortable and safe with him and I started thinking so many things at once ;first I checked
the head,lol...asked where he is from after he asked me; we are both from the same state.  After church,
I stopped by the supermarket to get something, he waited for me then walked home afterwards (we
live close by). I began to ask myself, “is he the one”? I know I do that a lot but this was different and
I've not done this in a really long time. As we approached the junction that separates our building, he
asked for my number, I gladly gave it to him,he buzzed me with it and went home.

I have not really liked Someone like this  in a really long time, I felt this kinda excitement I could not
explain :dancing when there is no music kinda happy. It was nice… but the negative part of my self
began; that part that makes me feel like happiness doesn't last, that this wasn't happening.  I began to
ask myself, what if he has a girlfriend (hell, there is no way this guy doesn't have a girlfriend, a fiancee
even), maybe he was just being friendly? Is he into me? He could have asked anyone for directions,
why me? To be fair, the road was really quiet while we walked and I looked like I was going to church.
 So maybe he just really needed help-he did mention someone mistakenly directing him to an Anglican
church and he was with his friend (did he mean his girlfriend?), he also said there comes a time in a
person's life where you keep less friends… is he ready to settle down with his friend /girlfriend?
These were the things going through my head and I just told myself to relax and just let things flow.

We met on Sunday, , the next day was a Monday, I didn't hear from him,i started believing my
assumptions and later I just said he is probably busy. As a software engineer for a security company,
you require focus.  Let me see how Tuesday will be,didn't hear from him still so I decided to buzz him
on WhatsApp I said :Hello, how are you and work. He replied after five to seven minutes ,that was
one very long minute. He said hello “my name”,I'm fine and work is great, you?” I replied same.  
To be honest, I was dreading contacting him first cause most African guys can be quite backwards and
feel they should always make the move and not the lady but I couldn't help myself, I just wanted to be
in touch. We don't have to be romantic, since we are neighbors we could just be friends.

As he wasn't really communicating, I assumed he was busy and since I initiated the conversation, I also
ended it. I said ; just wanted to say hey and he replied ;” thanks a million, much appreciated “ And I
said have a great day and he said “thanks, you too, enjoy your day”.After that day, I decided not to
contact him unless he contacts me and so far he has not. I'm I disappointed?yeah,I am. Did I screw it up
by contacting first,i don't know.. But I thought we had a connection, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I'm
just good at people opening up to me, maybe he was just being friendly and doesn't need more friends
or maybe he is in a serious relationship and just only needed directions to the Catholic Church
outstation. Who knows…

I was probably feeling lonely and thought finally,  God has sent me the one. You won't believe since
I said hey I've not heard from him. Another Sunday just passed and not even a text saying “hey didn't
see you in church today” (yeah, I attended another parish). At least he showed me who he is so I
wouldn't get any ideas. You are probably wondering,it's just been a week ...but what is the point of
collecting someone number and not calling or at least texting? It makes no sense to me.  I just don't give
anybody my number. If we had a connection and I would like to hear from you again, I'll give you my
number . Who goes around asking people for numbers, just not to call them? Maybe he was just being
nice by asking, probably saw the desperation in me (I highly doubt I was) and felt it would be rude
not to ask. But guess what, that is total bullshit! It is indeed very rude to ask for one's number and not
call,period! It would have been nicer if you didn't ask at all. I would have told myself, we probably
didn't connect as I thought and forgotten about your arrogant a#$.

Sorry guys but I just have to vent,like what will be a blog without venting? I'm kidding, of course we
share the good stuff and obviously learn from every experience. The lesson here is not to expect
anything from anyone, if you feel lonely, address it and do something that makes you happy.  You
could call a friend you can always talk to and doesn't judge to vent, trust me you will feel better in the
morning. Loneliness is not forever, as long as you plan to have a family some day, there is always
someone for everyone,just be patient.

Thank you for reading, until next time...Have a great day.


Being attracted to a married man


Yeah it just so happens that I'm attracted to really attractive married man. You know, I had no idea he was married when we met the first time - it was at my work place. Like I mentioned on balancing work and life...I work in a facility and this particular guy is in charge of maintaining the lift. On that first day, I was with my colleague and boss when he walked in and I was like who is this tall, dark and handsome fella (and really young) but I wasn't really focused on him cause I had a lot of work to do that day and calls make.

Didn't know he was still around, so I stepped outside to make a personal call when he drove by and said hi (would have mentioned the name of the car but I'm not good with cars) and I said hi back. He introduced himself, said I look nice and asked if I had anything for lunch, I said not yet and he gave me two thousand Naira to have lunch and asked for my number; I gladly gave him since I didn't see a ring in his finger.

After that day, I decided to stalk him on social media through through his Linkedin since i only new his first name and company and I realised he is from the West (no offence but I don't really see myself in a serious relationship with guys from the West;most of them are promiscuous and don't value the sanctity of marriage -i would know, I live in the West). So I was a little disappointed since I hoped this was the one, lol...Yeah someone I just met right?I'm crazy like that. Anyways, that was one red flag, also the fact he didn't call me for days after collecting my number. He sent me a message on WhatsApp to say hello and appreciate my beauty, I blushed. Until he came to the office for the second time, I was on my way out for lunch and we met on my way out, the chemistry (or is it biology in this case since we have not talked much but the physical intensity was over the roof) was electrifying - you know when you are attracted to someone and you are in a public place but you wish you were not?that's how I was feeling at that moment. Then he raised his left hand and I saw the ring and it was like I got punched in the gut real hard.  So I dismissed him politely and walked away.

The thing is, when I found out he is from the West, I was trying not to be interested but I couldn't so I settled for “we will just have a good time”  then I see this ring and I'm like “great now I have more to worry about “... And as always I started worrying - hoping he is not really married that he is just wearing  the ring to probably keep some ladies away (what? Some guys do it…) or he just likes to wear rings on that finger *sigh*...but I just told myself to let go but it's been really hard since I see him almost three times a month especially recently since they are currently doing maintenance for the lift.

He has been inviting me to go out for lunch but with the election and Saturday's being really dull since February in Nigeria,we have not been able to (PS: I had already agreed to a date before we met the second time and found out he is married). I've also been trying to avoid going out with him so I don't encourage him or put myself in temptation. Two days ago, he called me and said he was outside the facility, that he was passing by and wanted to see my beautiful face. So I went to see him and we talked a little in the car,i had to go back to the office so I asked if he was happy he saw me, he said over excited and requested for  hug or kiss in the chin. I obliged (for a hug) but it turns out it was a kiss on the chin...you see, he was looking really fine that day and normally i won't make a big deal out of the kiss but that was first time in a year and half that I've been that close to a man, so it was a big deal.

The truth is, this is not who I am. I'm from a broken home so I don't like anything or anyone that involves in extra marital affairs. I don't like to cheat (even with a guy that has a girlfriend) or be cheated on - still wondering what kind of temptation is this.  If this guy wasn't married, trust me he is just my type but he is and I just have to look for a way to avoid him. Also not to make it awkward since he has a contract with the company I work for.

The truth is, yes is my type ;in terms of physique, seems like a generous person too… That's much I know about him but you know what?  He might not really be my type since he is married besides he contacts me like once in two weeks (which is a red flag apart from the FACT that he is married, lol),if I try to get to know him I might realise that we have nothing in common and God definitely knows who is meant for us and who we deserve. This could probably be a test for me,He probably wants to see how patient I am or the type of man I want physically, who knows ...i hope I pass the test.