Being attracted to a married man


Yeah it just so happens that I'm attracted to really attractive married man. You know, I had no idea he was married when we met the first time - it was at my work place. Like I mentioned on balancing work and life...I work in a facility and this particular guy is in charge of maintaining the lift. On that first day, I was with my colleague and boss when he walked in and I was like who is this tall, dark and handsome fella (and really young) but I wasn't really focused on him cause I had a lot of work to do that day and calls make.

Didn't know he was still around, so I stepped outside to make a personal call when he drove by and said hi (would have mentioned the name of the car but I'm not good with cars) and I said hi back. He introduced himself, said I look nice and asked if I had anything for lunch, I said not yet and he gave me two thousand Naira to have lunch and asked for my number; I gladly gave him since I didn't see a ring in his finger.

After that day, I decided to stalk him on social media through through his Linkedin since i only new his first name and company and I realised he is from the West (no offence but I don't really see myself in a serious relationship with guys from the West;most of them are promiscuous and don't value the sanctity of marriage -i would know, I live in the West). So I was a little disappointed since I hoped this was the one, lol...Yeah someone I just met right?I'm crazy like that. Anyways, that was one red flag, also the fact he didn't call me for days after collecting my number. He sent me a message on WhatsApp to say hello and appreciate my beauty, I blushed. Until he came to the office for the second time, I was on my way out for lunch and we met on my way out, the chemistry (or is it biology in this case since we have not talked much but the physical intensity was over the roof) was electrifying - you know when you are attracted to someone and you are in a public place but you wish you were not?that's how I was feeling at that moment. Then he raised his left hand and I saw the ring and it was like I got punched in the gut real hard.  So I dismissed him politely and walked away.

The thing is, when I found out he is from the West, I was trying not to be interested but I couldn't so I settled for “we will just have a good time”  then I see this ring and I'm like “great now I have more to worry about “... And as always I started worrying - hoping he is not really married that he is just wearing  the ring to probably keep some ladies away (what? Some guys do it…) or he just likes to wear rings on that finger *sigh*...but I just told myself to let go but it's been really hard since I see him almost three times a month especially recently since they are currently doing maintenance for the lift.

He has been inviting me to go out for lunch but with the election and Saturday's being really dull since February in Nigeria,we have not been able to (PS: I had already agreed to a date before we met the second time and found out he is married). I've also been trying to avoid going out with him so I don't encourage him or put myself in temptation. Two days ago, he called me and said he was outside the facility, that he was passing by and wanted to see my beautiful face. So I went to see him and we talked a little in the car,i had to go back to the office so I asked if he was happy he saw me, he said over excited and requested for  hug or kiss in the chin. I obliged (for a hug) but it turns out it was a kiss on the chin...you see, he was looking really fine that day and normally i won't make a big deal out of the kiss but that was first time in a year and half that I've been that close to a man, so it was a big deal.

The truth is, this is not who I am. I'm from a broken home so I don't like anything or anyone that involves in extra marital affairs. I don't like to cheat (even with a guy that has a girlfriend) or be cheated on - still wondering what kind of temptation is this.  If this guy wasn't married, trust me he is just my type but he is and I just have to look for a way to avoid him. Also not to make it awkward since he has a contract with the company I work for.

The truth is, yes is my type ;in terms of physique, seems like a generous person too… That's much I know about him but you know what?  He might not really be my type since he is married besides he contacts me like once in two weeks (which is a red flag apart from the FACT that he is married, lol),if I try to get to know him I might realise that we have nothing in common and God definitely knows who is meant for us and who we deserve. This could probably be a test for me,He probably wants to see how patient I am or the type of man I want physically, who knows ...i hope I pass the test.

What Married Men want from single girls

What Married Men want from single girls
Sometimes I ask myself what married men want from single girl, in other words…why they cheat and I summarized it to a few things. You see, people always have reasons for what they do which is normal. These days, cheating seems to be what’s up and what’s hot, that if you are not doing so, you are not from this world. Some might say the problem is from their wives, others might say he is just a player and a man might just say it happens. Well, I’d like to say, while some would say it’s their nature, married men just want these from single girls;

Your body

Let’s get real here, it is really rare to see a married man cheat with his age mate or someone older than his wife and here is why; men are attracted by what they see. Before a man approaches a lady, the first thing he is drawn to is her beauty. So imagine a man seeing a young girl (maybe a student –they usually love them since most of them are not looking to commit) with her youthful, innocent body and face, he will be naturally drawn to her and want to have a taste of that. Though married women these days look after themselves, some don’t really care; the minute they say I do, they feel they don’t have to try anymore and this make their men want something different “spontaneous”  and not boring.
Your time and undivided attention
Men are like babies, don’t mind that they look mature and all –they love attention and respect, and like to feel like they are the only person in your life. And single ladies give them these things even when they know they are not the only men in their lives *wink*. Most married women, after they tie the knot and have a child, the child becomes the center of their world –though it’s not a bad thing, men don’t see it that way. They feel like they have been replaced by those cute little creatures and then they try to look for attention elsewhere. Not that these men need women 24/7, they also love their space (I’m sure we are familiar with the “man cave”), they just need their women to be available whenever they need them to be. And single girls make time for them and give them their undivided attention –after all, there are no babies crying to be fed or changed.

Not to be their wives

Just like the undivided attention and physical appearance, these married men cheat with someone exactly opposite to their wives. They expect a single girl to be fit, fun and obedient. Therefore, always look hot and bed ready, no excuses, give me something new every time we meet and do whatever I want you to do. Since their wives are trying to juggle a job, keep the home, being a wife and mother; I doubt she is bothered about looking sexy unless she is a Hollywood actress that can hire as much nannies as she wants so she could look pretty for the camera.

Make them feel good

Just like them wanting attention, they always want to feel good whenever they are with you. And since you both don’t see all the time compared to his house wife, so it’s pretty easy for single girls to give them. Somehow, going out with a younger lady makes them feel young again and reminds them of some good times in the past. They don’t cheat with their age mates because they know those ones would call them on their bullshit sometimes. But with younger ladies (especially the ones with daddy issues), they see these men as their heroes and would do anything they want just to please them.

No drama
As long as these men are providing for these single girls, they expect nothing but peace and a good time. As a lady, you know he is already married, so you don’t get your hopes up on any possibility of marriage with him. Therefore, he expects that you are on the same page with him and just want to have a good time…well as long as he is providing for you. Though some singles girls give drama, it is mostly the ones that had no idea the man is married or he became too emotional with her –some men do these; make her feel like he loves her and  is on the verge of divorcing his wife . That is when a single girl might give drama; if she is emotionally invested and maybe have some insecurity. So men if you don’t want drama don’t start drama.

Has nothing to do with their wives
You might think that a man cheats because he doesn’t love his wife but it’s not true. Most times they cheat because of some internal issues; he was probably the guy that never got the hot girl in school, he is looking for some sort of validation or now that he is finally married he feels he has what it takes to woo any woman.
It’s a phase
After some men get married and have kids, some even before they have kids…they feel like they want to know if they “still got it”. Some might ask for a young lady’s number and end up not calling her; they just want to know if a hot girl can still give them her number. While some men are pressured by their friends when they say things like “you wife is controlling you”, “you are not acting like a man anymore”. They just try to prove to them that they are still the same person and marriage did not change them.

Too much money
I call these “one money miss road”. These type of men are the ones that let money define them –they just want to show off their wealth and since they believe ladies are all about the money, they use it to attract them hence cheat with them.
This post is not in any way encouraging infidelity or girls having sugar daddies, it’s just on what men want from single girls and why they cheat with them. So it’s not about the women, it’s about them; it’s what they want, they get. As women you are just there for the ride; for as long as it’s convenient for them. What do you think? Why do men cheat with young single girls?

Why do I keep having dreams of my ex?

Okay, since last year I've been having dreams of my ex, who was also my first love. From, my dating experience, you can see why it didn't work out. Though, it was painful but it had to be done. After the breakup, I felt we had unfinished business or some closure to do  that each time we see it doesn't feel like we have. I barely dreamt about him but it became serious beginning of last year, that I had to buzz him on Facebook where he quickly told me he is engaged to be married as if I was trying to get him back. I wasn't trying to get him back, a part of me just wanted to know why I had that first dream which I barely have of him.

Don't settle for less,you deserve better

Don't settle for less,you deserve better
That’s what I heard growing up; either from people, in a song or family but I never really understood it until life began to deal with me. Don’t settle for less, you deserve better, you are too good for this and that… And you know what? It is true. Despite what life throws at you, you are better than that, you deserve more than what you are getting. We are all here for a reason, a purpose and need to be able to take it – whatever that is.

How lonely are you?

Relationship wise, I'm really lonely… well career wise as well.
You know, sometimes I want my alone time. Yes I know I want someone in my life but sometimes I think about being with one person for the rest of my life. I know you are wondering if I'm alright,i promise you I am and I want to believe I'm not the only one who feels this way.  Maybe it's because I have not found the right person to be with -being with the right person makes the relationship easier and worthwhile…. At least that's what I want to believe since I have not met the right person yet.

My Dating experience :My First Love Part 6

The next day, I was waiting for my boyfriend, the agent, anyone Thankfully, he arrived in the afternoon - he went to the agent house for the key before he came. I was so relieved; I hugged him and he joked about me being locked up. I followed him to give the key back to the agent.

My dating experience :My First Love Part 5 {Cont'd}

We arrived for second semester and it was my last semester in that School. I was excited cause I didn't have to worry about getting through with some courses; not like they were hard but you know they are some annoying lecturers that just enjoy failing people while some just want you to bribe them not to...Either way, I was excited but not too excited cause I would miss my friends.

My dating experience :My First Love Part 5

It was the first semester of my final year,i was preparing for my exams and living with my boyfriend - it wasn't  a wise choice.  Sometimes, we (my boyfriend and I)  would study together, other times I'd go for night class and study there. I got used to my boyfriend not making me a priority, keeping late nights, being too friendly with his female neighbors and probably cheating that I was just not interested anymore. We were just living like roommates...

Happy Valentine Everyone!!! I Love you but I am my own Valentine *Smiles*

Happy Valentine Everyone!!! I Love you but I am my own Valentine *Smiles*
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!! This post should have come early considering this is a Life and Dating blog but better late than ever right? And to my catholic folks, I welcome you to the season of Lent.  Before now, Nigerians made all sorts of memes talking about the fact that Valentine fell on not just Lenten season but Champions League where popular team ,Real Madrid Vs PSG anf Chelsea Vs Barcelona will be playing., telling ladies this day was not just favorable for them ‘us’.

My Dating Experience :My First Love {Part 4} Cont'd


On the second month of my IT, I lost my dad…it was the most horrifying time of my life. I had never lost anyone that close to me before, so it was tough. My boyfriend attended the funeral in my village and somehow we became close again; I shared a lot of things with him and he could also relate with it. I didn’t want to go home immediately so I followed him back to school after the funeral. He took care of me during that period, I felt numb, something in me changed.

My Dating Experience : My First Love Part 3 {Cont'd}

And everything was fine…well for a while. The next day, I was still in bed (not just in the mood for lectures or seeing anyone) then I get a call from my boyfriend that he was downstairs. He said “Hey, I’m sorry, can I see you? I’m downstairs” I was so excited and I said “I’m coming”.  My eyes were still swollen from crying, I didn’t have anything to eat because I just didn’t have the appetite. I met him downstairs, he smiled and said he missed me and I should follow him home. We went home and continued like nothing happened.

I Had a Thing With My Neighbor {Part 1}

I Had a Thing With My Neighbor {Part 1}

Well when I say a “thing” I don’t mean a fling, I barely do flings (and don’t judge anyone that does) –so it wasn’t a fling, what was it then? You ask…to be honest i don’t know but it was something. This happened when I got my own apartment, I didn’t know what to expect or to do what I did (trust me it wasn’t that big a deal…or was it? hmmm, maybe). I was just a single gal, looking for privacy and trying to make ends meet.

My Dating Experience : My First Love 2

After spending few months with my elder sister that lives on her own, I got admission into the university. I was so excited but had no idea what to expect; the thought of being in another state for four years made me nervous but luckily I wasn’t alone, my brother got admission there as well. Since I didn’t have a space in the hostel yet, I had to crash at a childhood friend’s place and my bro did the same- there was no boys’ hostel, just girls hostel.

My Dating Experience : My First Love


I liked reading at night in class as well as some of our classmates and that was where we met most of the time. After some hours of reading we take walks outside and talk in the moonlight, it was so romantic. We discussed about our families; though I didn’t tell him I was from a broken home just yet, his dad was late at the time and he shared memories of him. I began to get comfortable with him that there was no other guy I was interested in. We shared our first kiss one night our class mate (it was a pre-degree program) had a party; I could not attend because my brother ordered me not to and surprisingly he ‘my first love’ didn’t attend as well. Before then I could not meet with him cause some guys reported me to my elder brother and he warned me not to go out with my him but I was miserable without him – I could not sleep and I kept thinking about him so I decided to go to class to keep my mind busy, I never knew I would meet him there.

My Dating Experience : Introduction

Dating according Wikipedia; Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.

Why I am currently single?

Why I am currently single?
Well I have been single for quite a while, like my last actual relationship was in 2011. The rest have just been flings (without sex I know right? How does that work?) –can you call it that though? Anyways relationships as most people say are ‘complicated’ and it just takes one to meet the right one (is there really a right one – well the one meant for you) for things to just work out. My first relationship was in the university and it was educative, heartbreaking, interesting, you know…a lot.

What Do You Think Women Want?Part 3

What Do You Think Women Want?Part 3

The Rich Guy (Cont'd)
I went home that night thinking, how did I meet such a rich and stable guy; the truth is ,apart from my university boyfriend  (well, there’s not much expectation there),the guys I have been dating have been either broke and just entering the labor force or are already working but still living with their parents. No one had a stable job, a fenced duplex …just very comfortable. 

What Do You Think Women Want? Part 2

What Do You Think Women Want? Part 2
The Rich Guy
And then there are the ones that have money and feel like their money should speak for them, that they don’t have to do anything. They either take you on a date and brag about their money or take you to their offices, homes and on their exotic cars. Then when the relationship doesn’t go well, they say you are a gold digger.What do you expect? You just showed her that you can provide for her that you are the “man”. Don’t get me wrong, we all love money, but it’s not everything.

What Do You Think Women Want?Part 1

What Do You Think Women Want?Part 1
We all say we want commitment, you know a man that can commit. But then, what does this commitment mean to us exactly? What is our definition of commitment? We date a fun guy that maybe his own definition of commitment is taking a woman or his lady, on several dates and when I mean date, i mean lots of dates so he could get in bed with her or probably she could use her initiative and give him what he wants.