My Dating Experience : My First Love Part 3

The next day, I felt so guilty and bad that I decided to make amends with my boyfriend since it was loneliness that made me do what I did in the first place.
Since I agreed with his friend not to discuss it with him, I didn’t tell my boyfriend what happened but it was eating me up inside.  Things were going as normal, until I spent a weekend at my boyfriend’s place - mind you, this was happening in my second year in school... One afternoon, my boyfriend checked my phone and saw messages from his friend (basically our chats, I don’t know why I left them there…guess I didn’t think what I was doing/did something wrong) and asked why his friend was sending me messages.

I was shocked that I still had those messages, so I explained to him that it was when we were having issues that his friend was just being a friend and wants to help with my music career. He was obviously worried but didn’t want to show it and he asked “is that all this is about”? And I assured him that it was. I felt really bad that I was lying about the other thing that happened but I didn’t want to run his friendship and his friend’s relationship (though I didn’t know his girlfriend well, they don’t need to be having problems).

Little did I know that this same guy (my boyfriend’s friend) told his friend’s everything that happened…well his own side of the story and called me a spoilt brat. The news began to spread, somehow his girlfriend knew as well (guess he told her too). His girlfriend lived in the hostel like I did and visits him almost all the time, this girl got to the hostel and told her friends who were my friends (while some just knew and admired me) too. My good friend called to see me and told me everything she said but that she wanted to hear my side of the story, so I told her exactly how it happened.  I was so disappointed that this guy did what he did and decided to tell my boyfriend about it. So I paid my boyfriend a visit that evening and told him everything that happened. He was devastated, he said; “I knew you were into him but I didn’t know how far you’d go with it. I brag about you to my friends, I tell them how good you are, how I trust you and know how devoted you are to me. Why did you do this?”

And I said; “Please I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen, it was innocent until he kissed me. I didn’t tell you because it meant nothing and he begged me not to, he said it would ruin your friendship with him”.  He said; “so you care about our friendship than your relationship? I can’t believe you did this. That means you can kill me…you can actually plan with my supposed friend and kill me. Did you know he set you up? He told his friends he was going to make you fall for him after I bragged about how good you are? Did you know? ”

I was really shocked at this, I thought everything happened naturally and didn’t know everything was planned.  We were both sitting in bed and he asked if we had sex (remember I was still a virgin and my boyfriend and I were going on two years) and I said we didn’t, it was just a kiss. He said “I don’t believe you, if you could keep something like this from me how can I believe anything you say now?” I replied;” it was in class, I swear it was just a kiss and it lasted like 10 seconds”  He was so angry and frustrated that he almost forced me to have sex with him, I was crying and surrendered to him – somehow I felt I was wrong and deserved whatever he did to me. He broke up with me; it was already too late to go back to the hostel that night so I spent the night in tears, pleading while he slept on the floor.

The next morning I woke up and he was gone. He went to his former lodge were the friend stays to confront him (i heard they were in a brawl but people intervened before it escalated). He got back home and I tried to talk to him but he said his mind was made up, that he cannot continue the relationship. That same morning, I went back to my hostel with swollen eyes from crying, dehydrated with no more tears to spill. My friend and roommate  (the one that knew about me and my boyfriend’s friend) was around when I got to the hostel, every other person had gone for lecture. And I told her everything; she said I should stop crying that everything would be fine. I climbed my bunk and slept off since I didn’t sleep the night before while my friend went to class.

The thing is, this was the first time I got my heart broken, I was so hurt, I didn’t want to leave my bed, I just wanted to cry all day until I wake up from my nightmare. It felt like a very terrible dream that I just had to wake up from but what got me going was that I didn’t have sex with him so I still got my dignity but it sucked all the same. I woke up and thought…back to reality, I kissed my boyfriend’s best friend, we broke up, and I’m single now; what does that even feel like? I have not been single since I met him two years ago…

As I got down from my bunk, I noticed my friend was back from class, She asked how I was feeling and I said I could be better. So she told me she saw my boyfriend around campus and they talked. She told him how it all started since she was aware of it and I asked what he said and she said;“ he said he just needs some time”. So I thought, what does it mean? Would he take me back? Can he forgive me? She said she knows it’s not my fault and that if he is smart he wouldn’t end what we have because of what happened… Everything will be fine –she said.

Check Here for My Dating Experience : My First Love 2 {Cont'd}