Skip to main content

How lonely are you?

Relationship wise, I'm really lonely… well career wise as well.
You know, sometimes I want my alone time. Yes I know I want someone in my life but sometimes I think about being with one person for the rest of my life. I know you are wondering if I'm alright,i promise you I am and I want to believe I'm not the only one who feels this way.  Maybe it's because I have not found the right person to be with -being with the right person makes the relationship easier and worthwhile…. At least that's what I want to believe since I have not met the right person yet.

But I'm really lonely and my anxiety and depression does not help matters. Being depressed makes me feel angry, sad, emotional and irritated that most times it drives people away. The right people ought to stay right? But what if they didn't even get the chance to get to know you or met you at that depressed state, then what?

With being unemployed, my ex getting married  and moving on… life really sucks and can be very lonely. Though my sister makes sure I don't feel lonely with her disturbance but I'm talking about being in a relationship with the opposite sex that isn't family. I'm a human being, sometimes I want to be told I'm loved or beautiful (not like people don't tell me this but I want to hear it from the right person), be seen -someone that gets me…
I have been in contact with a guy I broke up with before the relationship even began, for eight years now. We have been friends since then and as we became friends I realized some things I didn't like about him and was grateful I broke up with him before the relationship got too deep. He is from the east (most of them are full of themselves) and full of himself, he loves money and is not really a creative person -each time I talked about my passion and aspirations,he always asked why I wasn't successful (in his mentality “why are you not rich?”)  yet and it gets on my nerves. He told me how I hurt him during the break up;we got talking recently and he said he cherishes me and still have a place in his heart for me when I told him I love him. To be honest,though i love him, I don't know if I'm in love with him or it's just cause I'm lonely I'm trying to hold on to who is available.
Not that he is very available - he has a girlfriend in the US and he is working on meeting her there next year. Though I still love my best friend,KET who we are no longer in contact ,like I'm still in love with him but I don't know if he still feels the same way. And this other guy was my last stop, in case I don't get my happy ending but it seems he has moved on and I'm worried I might never get married.

I want to get married, have kids and start my family but I don't know when this will happen. One night I was watching adult movie and had no idea the earphone and phone speaker were on at the same time. My sister was sleeping but woke up, probably from the noise  and said “put off that rubbish you are watching” .it was like the ground should just open and I should just enter and never come up. I was so humiliated -this is what happens when you are living with your siblings and you have no privacy. The truth is, i wasn't even horny,i don't even know why I had to watch it that night. Maybe I was just yearning for something or an idea of what intimacy still looks like since I have not been kissed nor touched for almost a year now - I wanted to see it again cause I felt so lonely.  No boyfriend nor potential husbands, just toasters looking to get in bed with me.

The struggle to get a job or make money from a business is challenging especially when you are not seeing results or progress and to not have someone close to you to cheer you up and let you know everything will be okay is even worse.
I just want something  to start happening for me;whether is being in a relationship, getting a good job or excelling in my business /career … something just has to work. Just tired of being lonely.



Though I need a partner, I feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship right now cause still have to sort out my depression and life. When I'm idle, I do some crazy things that sometimes scares men away… trust me guys, boredom is the enemy!  When you are bored, you start thinking about a lot of things, especially hurtful things, you compare the guys that are coming to your exes,you sleep at the wrong time -like instead of at night, you sleep during the day,if you manage to get a guy that wants to date you, you scare him away by calling or texting constantly… it's a struggle.
I am really looking for a job but it's not easy in this country where they don't give jobs on merit anymore -its about who knows who. I really want to be busy and keep my mind of men -i’m not really the type that thinks about men a lot especially since I've not really enjoyed sex,its just the boredom that makes this so.

So yes I feel very lonely but you know what consoles me when I feel lonely? I tell myself it's not forever. Nothing is permanent, things change and most times unexpectedly . So in the meantime, I try (I said try cause I feel unmotivated sometimes especially when what I love is not profitable) to do what I enjoy which includes watching movies, listening to music and writing. Sometimes I just dance for no reason, cause I love it or when I listen to good music. So while I wait for the right man, I just have to try to keep myself busy -its easier said than done but it has to be done,if not I'll just be fueling my anxiety and depression...which I don't want.
How lonely are you?Care to share?

Popular posts from this blog

How to leave a toxic job when you don't have another lined up

The indicators of a poisonous relationship are typically the same, whether it's with a partner, friend, or family member: your views and opinions are not valued, you're the only one ready to compromise or put in work to improve the connection, and you continuously feel like you're walking on eggshells. It may have a significant impact on your mental health and well-being, as I just discovered firsthand. My toxic connection, however, was not with a love partner or a friend; it was with my job.   The term "toxic jobs" refers to unfavourable work settings that put a burden on employees' mental health. These environments often feature abusive managers, discriminatory or harassing conduct, heavy office politics, and a climate of gossip or rivalry.   And these settings are more frequent than you would think: according to a 2020 Emtrain poll, 41% of employees do not believe their company would take a harassment report seriously, and 29% had left a job due to workplac

How to get over someone you love

  Love is a very beautiful thing and it could lead to happily ever after or it could lead to something disastrous.  There is indeed a thin line between love and hate.  But should that stop us from loving anyways? It never does and we shouldn't try to. Just like a One Tree Hill quote; "And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.” So why do we want to get over someone we love or used to love? They broke our hearts (maybe not intentionally),we changed and they didn't...Whatever it is, we just want to forget about them and act like it never happened.  Sorry to burst your bubble but you can't forget someone you love or used to love,they are part of you now.  You can only move on.  Does it take time? Yes. Will you find love again, Yes. Is there a time frame to get over someone? No (won't that be great though?) . I don't know where I read or heard this but it says it takes half the tim

Happy New Year LD Family!!!

Thank God for making us see this year. Grateful for family, friends and you all. I'm excited that this year is a year of hope and celebration. Today is Friday- the year started on a weekend! You know what that means *smiles*. I just want each and everyone of us to have hope and faith ,that we may never experience what we experienced last year in the rest of our lifetime. That this new day is the beginning of everything good and new. The problems and troubles of 2020 has been washed away.  It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life!!! Live this year like it's golden, love like its your last day on earth and dance like nobody's watching. I love you all and can't wait to start telling you amazing stories. Happy New year LD family!!!