My Dating Experience :My First Love {Part 4} Cont'd

On the second month of my IT, I lost my dad…it was the most horrifying time of my life. I had never lost anyone that close to me before, so it was tough. My boyfriend attended the funeral in my village and somehow we became close again; I shared a lot of things with him and he could also relate with it. I didn’t want to go home immediately so I followed him back to school after the funeral. He took care of me during that period, I felt numb, something in me changed.
I began to see life differently, I guess, I grew up.  It was very painful because I wasn’t with him when he died so I decided to do things that would only make him proud. I knew the pains he took to train my brothers, sister and I in school and I didn’t want to disappoint him. After some days, I didn’t have sex with my boyfriend and I went back to Lagos.

A friend from a Christian club I attended called to send his condolences and we kept in touch since then.

After some months, my Industrial training was over and the next year was my final year. I dint want to stay in the hostel so I paid for a lodge with a female friend. Having sex and getting pregnant would really disappoint my dad and since I didn’t want disappoint him, I decided not to have sex  (besides my course mates were getting knocked up; some had an abortion while others gave birth) with my boyfriend but I didn’t tell him that, I just gave excuses about it being painful. We had foreplay and stuff but I didn’t want sex; I wasn’t so crazy about his affairs anymore, I was just tired of trying so hard. My grades were so poor the year before that I wanted to get my act back together. It’s not that I didn’t love him anymore; I just didn’t want to lose myself in the relationship, I wanted to be better, do better. I have always been independent and learnt at an early age to do things on my own but I got lost in my relationship that my dad’s death was the only thing that woke me up from that. I realized we would all die someday, why do I have to live my life being frustrated cause a guy cannot see what’s in front of him? Life is too short to be in a toxic relationship.

The truth is, the relationship was over before I realized it, I was just the one fighting to make it work until I wasn’t. I just stuck around cause I didn’t want to date anyone again before I graduated; the minute people find out I’m single, guys would flood me and I needed to concentrate on graduating. I had issues with my roommate so I abandoned the apartment I went to live with my boyfriend but there was no sex happening…It was like we were brothers and sisters. At first he felt I was still down cause of my dad’s death and didn’t want to have sex, so he understood but he was becoming frustrated and I wasn’t helping matters; some nights I would sleep naked. One night, as I slept he tried to do it from the back; I caught him after I started feeling pain in my anus each time I used the bathroom. Usually, I sleep like a log of wood and that is why my uncle could molest me without me knowing but that night I was not deeply asleep ,so I felt his parts there and I moved.

I felt violated; we talked about it the next day. He said he’s been starved of sex and loves me so much that he needed it so bad and I said he should have told me how he was feeling that I’m his girlfriend. He said if he mentioned it, I wouldn’t want to cause of the pain so he hoped if he did it while I was asleep I won’t feel the pain that much. The experience just kept pushing me farther away from him; when I think about what my Uncle did to me and what my boyfriend was doing, it made me not to trust being at his side or with him. I felt betrayed because I told him about my Uncle before we became intimate, he should have known better. All these were  signs that the relationship was not going anywhere nor had any future.

My dating experience :My first love Part 4