Skip to main content

My Dating Experience :My First Love {Part 4} Cont'd


On the second month of my IT, I lost my dad…it was the most horrifying time of my life. I had never lost anyone that close to me before, so it was tough. My boyfriend attended the funeral in my village and somehow we became close again; I shared a lot of things with him and he could also relate with it. I didn’t want to go home immediately so I followed him back to school after the funeral. He took care of me during that period, I felt numb, something in me changed.
I began to see life differently, I guess, I grew up.  It was very painful because I wasn’t with him when he died so I decided to do things that would only make him proud. I knew the pains he took to train my brothers, sister and I in school and I didn’t want to disappoint him. After some days, I didn’t have sex with my boyfriend and I went back to Lagos.

A friend from a Christian club I attended called to send his condolences and we kept in touch since then.
After some months, my Industrial training was over and the next year was my final year. I dint want to stay in the hostel so I paid for a lodge with a female friend. Having sex and getting pregnant would really disappoint my dad and since I didn’t want disappoint him, I decided not to have sex  (besides my course mates were getting knocked up; some had an abortion while others gave birth) with my boyfriend but I didn’t tell him that, I just gave excuses about it being painful. We had foreplay and stuff but I didn’t want sex; I wasn’t so crazy about his affairs anymore, I was just tired of trying so hard. My grades were so poor the year before that I wanted to get my act back together. It’s not that I didn’t love him anymore; I just didn’t want to lose myself in the relationship, I wanted to be better, do better. I have always been independent and learnt at an early age to do things on my own but I got lost in my relationship that my dad’s death was the only thing that woke me up from that. I realized we would all die someday, why do I have to live my life being frustrated cause a guy cannot see what’s in front of him? Life is too short to be in a toxic relationship.

The truth is, the relationship was over before I realized it, I was just the one fighting to make it work until I wasn’t. I just stuck around cause I didn’t want to date anyone again before I graduated; the minute people find out I’m single, guys would flood me and I needed to concentrate on graduating. I had issues with my roommate so I abandoned the apartment I went to live with my boyfriend but there was no sex happening…It was like we were brothers and sisters. At first he felt I was still down cause of my dad’s death and didn’t want to have sex, so he understood but he was becoming frustrated and I wasn’t helping matters; some nights I would sleep naked. One night, as I slept he tried to do it from the back; I caught him after I started feeling pain in my anus each time I used the bathroom. Usually, I sleep like a log of wood and that is why my uncle could molest me without me knowing but that night I was not deeply asleep ,so I felt his parts there and I moved.
I felt violated; we talked about it the next day. He said he’s been starved of sex and loves me so much that he needed it so bad and I said he should have told me how he was feeling that I’m his girlfriend. He said if he mentioned it, I wouldn’t want to cause of the pain so he hoped if he did it while I was asleep I won’t feel the pain that much. The experience just kept pushing me farther away from him; when I think about what my Uncle did to me and what my boyfriend was doing, it made me not to trust being at his side or with him. I felt betrayed because I told him about my Uncle before we became intimate, he should have known better. All these were  signs that the relationship was not going anywhere nor had any future.

My dating experience :My first love Part 4

Comments

Popular Post

Why I Started Blogging

Before I discovered blogging, I enjoyed writing - whether it's my thoughts, my idea of a song, a story or movie synopsis. I knew about websites but had no idea how it works; I would search Google for news (well mostly celeb gossip or anything entertainment) and it gives me different sites to check information).

My Dating experience :My First Love Part 6

The next day, I was waiting for my boyfriend, the agent, anyone … Thankfully, he arrived in the afternoon - he went to the agent house for the key before he came. I was so relieved; I hugged him and he joked about me being locked up. I followed him to give the key back to the agent.

My dating experience :My First Love Part 5

It was the first semester of my final year,i was preparing for my exams and living with my boyfriend - it wasn't  a wise choice.  Sometimes, we (my boyfriend and I)  would study together, other times I'd go for night class and study there. I got used to my boyfriend not making me a priority, keeping late nights, being too friendly with his female neighbors and probably cheating that I was just not interested anymore. We were just living like roommates...

How is life with you?

Don’t you wish someone would just ask you that? And I’m not saying just for formalities ,like when a guy chat you up and ask “sup”, “how was your day” cause he is just trying to be polite or just thinks that’s what he supposed to do to show that he cares. I’m talking about someone asking “how is life with you” and really mean it. Like they really want to know if you are okay; not just financially, physically and emotionally.

Why do I keep having dreams of my ex?

Okay, since last year I've been having dreams of my ex, who was also my first love . From, my dating experience, you can see why it didn't work out. Though, it was painful but it had to be done. After the breakup, I felt we had unfinished business or some closure to do  that each time we see it doesn't feel like we have. I barely dreamt about him but it became serious beginning of last year, that I had to buzz him on Facebook where he quickly told me he is engaged to be married as if I was trying to get him back. I wasn't trying to get him back, a part of me just wanted to know why I had that first dream which I barely have of him.

7 Things i Regret Doing in Life

There are a lot of things I wish I knew before starting it; whether is a career move, relationships, dealing with family... Most times its when we fail we learn but I always wondered why I didn't have anyone to advice me, someone close to look up to. Sometimes, all we need is ourselves to get through a situation, to create something, to be great...and with this comes mistakes, that's how we learn from them. So, here are seven things I regret doing in my life.

My dating experience :My First Love Part 5 {Cont'd}

We arrived for second semester and it was my last semester in that School. I was excited cause I didn't have to worry about getting through with some courses; not like they were hard but you know they are some annoying lecturers that just enjoy failing people while some just want you to bribe them not to...Either way, I was excited but not too excited cause I would miss my friends.

How lonely are you?

Relationship wise, I'm really lonely… well career wise as well. You know, sometimes I want my alone time. Yes I know I want someone in my life but sometimes I think about being with one person for the rest of my life. I know you are wondering if I'm alright,i promise you I am and I want to believe I'm not the only one who feels this way.  Maybe it's because I have not found the right person to be with -being with the right person makes the relationship easier and worthwhile…. At least that's what I want to believe since I have not met the right person yet.