We all say we want commitment, you know a man that can
commit. But then, what does this commitment mean to us exactly? What is our
definition of commitment? We date a fun guy that maybe his own definition of
commitment is taking a woman or his lady, on several dates and when I mean date,
i mean lots of dates so he could get in bed with her or probably she could use
her initiative and give him what he wants.
Some guys think relationships are all about asking a girl
out, taking her out a couple of times and then she should reciprocate by going
to visit him (that’s if his that decent to invite you to his place or probably
want to show his place off), help clean his place (wife material), cook for him
and last but definitely not the least have sex with him. Before you know it,
you are in a relationship and we girls ask ourselves, is this how it going to
be? Playing house with this guy that is not even my husband. Where is this
going? What I’m I doing? Meanwhile the guy is thinking; I have a girl now, I
don’t need to impress her. We don’t need to go out so much; if I do, it should
be with my guys. Why do I need to get married now, when I have what I need
right here.
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Meanwhile, some guys think to be in a relationship is doing
everything they think the girl wants and when they get want they want from the
lady, they start doing what they want. Then the relationship starts having
issues, that’s when he remembers how she used to be very moody and controlling,
selfish and demanding. Because at that point he really doesn’t care what she
thinks about him and she can leave the relationship for all he cares. Yes.
Leave the relationship for all he cares! He knows it’s over, he just doesn’t
know how to confront the situation, rather he provokes her enough to break the
relationship hence she’s the bad one. So he can tell the next girl he meets
that his ex-dumped him. They are never to blame; trust me the ladies are always
the problem *rolls eyes*.
And most of us ladies
fall this victims because will I say we are too good or we actually have a
heart? Or some of us are just masochists that enjoy being victims. Because the
truth is a relationship takes two people; it involves two people. Therefore if
it ends, they look for whom to blame but if it gets stronger, it’s both of you.
If it doesn’t work out, then it wasn’t meant to be. That’s why it’s good to
move on from a failed relationship (no matter how bad) because I’m sure you did
everything you could. Love is not forced neither is it planned; yeah I know
loneliness is a b@#ch! But how can you find love, if you can’t give yourself a
break to think and know where everything went wrong, you know like what you did
wrong, what he did wrong, what kind of guys you love dating, why you date those
type of guys, what type of guy is good for you and why he is good for you and
when you see these guys that are bad for you, what you should do about the
situation.
The Sex Guy
You know I was with this guy that
thought the only way he could get me to bed was to wine and dine me. It’s not
like it doesn’t work for most girls, it does but not when you make it so
obvious. This guy took me to places he loved; I wouldn’t really call it the
typical wining and dining. Although he took me to the movies because I love
movies and night restaurants (in my country we call them Joints) and he assumed
that was enough for me to go to bed with him. But the truth is we ladies know
when you guys are pretending to be nice and gentlemanly, some of us just ignore
maybe because we are probably horny and need some action or you are too cute,
we don’t want to let go just yet. While some of us don’t want to deceive
ourselves and call a spade a spade (or in this case call a player, a player).
Or some of us love the game and want to play along hoping and believing one
day, you will change and love only them. The truth is we know!
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As I was saying about this guy, just
a month and some weeks in the relationship, it was my birthday already. This
guy wanted to “impress me” or maybe tell the other guys at my place of work
that I have a boyfriend; he sent a birthday cake to my office and drinks for my
colleagues. I was a bit impress but it wasn’t really necessary especially since
we just started dating and I’m not a show off. But I just went along with it.
My working hours ended for the day and I decided to “thank” him properly, it’s
not what you are thinking. My definition of “thanking” is having a quiet
dinner, communicating and probably making out, though it was the same
day of his fellowship. Hence, no quiet dinner! I didn’t want to come between
him and his God but I just thought with all the gesture, he would want us to
have a quiet time on my birthday night. I was not happy about being alone that
night so he changed his mind and decided to spend my birthday night with me.
After all, you are trying to be a boyfriend for the day; you might as well
complete it right. Anyways his own definition of me thanking him was probably
insisting we lodge in a hotel room so I can open my package, if you know what I
mean.
Well, it didn’t happen and I could
tell he was disappointed and maybe wondering when we could finally have this
sex already. Although in the beginning of the “relationship” I told him sex was
a big deal to me. ‘That I won’t do just because I’m in the mood but because I
want to and I trust who I’m doing it with’. Every relationship doesn’t have to
end up in marriage but I believe there should be a form of respect and
friendship between the both of you (and yes I know what is called a fling) but
some girls are just not like that. So should that change their believe or
values in relationships?
Back to this guy, like the typical
guy after one thing; after the birthday rendezvous, he started acting out. he
hardly called (the same guy that called three times a day in the beginning),
giving excuses like he’s car is bad, he has a church program, blah,blah blah…..
You see, what I don’t get is this; this girl told you from the start how she
felt about sex before marriage. What were you thinking? That she will change
her mind as long as you keep being a gentleman, for how long? Really, how long
do you plan to keep pretending? Being the smart girl that I am, you failed!
Okay, be a man then and end the relationship maturely since you are not getting
what you want. No you won’t. You’ll wait for her to do the breakup for you and
then make her feel like s!@t! Pretend like you want to make amends, having
hopes that she would come around someday, yet you don’t want to be involved (be
her boyfriend).Not all ladies want that s#@t, unless they are desperate.
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