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What I’m I Doing With My Life? Part 1

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So this have been my life lately; eating junk, sleeping a lot during the day ,watching series (my sister downloaded Poldark),reading blogs and  more. After trying not to check my Facebook for a while failed; this happen because I was trying to share a blog post there, I got drawn to the seductive but depressing photos of my friends and their maybe-perfect-lives, that I could not stop scrolling till the bottom of the page. Then I noticed my Ex have finally left this God forsaken country (have you heard our president is not medically well? Foreign currency rates are high, since we import literally everything here, food items are ridiculously expensive, people are getting laid off…do I need to continue?), and a part of me was happy for me and the other part felt sad cause we might never get back together again. 


I know you are wondering if he traveled to space (He is actually in one of this European countries) and even if he did, with since and technology (well, first and foremost God) lately anything is possible. So yeah anything is possible, not when you are not sure of how this other person feels about you. During my university days, I was dating this guy; we were instantly attracted to each other and didn’t really get to be good friends first. Though we had conversations here and there before we shared our first kiss, this Ex (I’d like to call him the one that got away) of mine was always in the background but approached me as a friend and we became friends.

For my whole four years in school, I was with my first love (the guy I was dating in school) and friends with my ex (the one that got away). I never knew my Ex had feelings for me and I didn’t really see him that way but we had a moment in my second year in school when I visited him at his lodge (he lived outside the campus) for the first time and we talked more than we normally do; it made me discover how alike we were and I really saw him for the first time. He accompanied me on my way back to the hostel (i stayed in the hostel for two years) and did the sweetest thing; it was drizzling and I was getting cold and he offered his shirt; a blue and black plaid shirt, luckily, he had a white tee underneath. So when I got to my hostel block and returned the shirt, he said I should keep it. If felt like a Hollywood romantic comedy, where you fall in love with your best friend, though I could not tell if I was having feelings for him or just being emotional, since I had my boyfriend to distract me at the time. So as like I said earlier, it was a moment.

Somehow we didn’t see after that period, just briefly saying ‘hello-hi’ and going about our business (studies and other extracurricular activities) until we graduated. Though his elder sister visited the next year and she came to see me and returned back to port-Harcourt and that was it. After graduation I was posted to rivers state and I visited this ex (was just a good friend then) at his family house, even spent a weekend there. At the time I was engaged to another fellow (let me also add that my relationship with my first love ended before graduation); he was seven years older, seemed like he had his act together and since my mates were getting married, I decided why not? 
Anyways, my Ex (still best friend) noticed I had a ring on my finger when I visited him; I could sense that he wanted to tell me something but didn’t though his body language was saying otherwise. We took strolls, had a drink, got back, watched a movie, talked about his elder sister’s love life and how she couldn’t marry the love of her life because they were both AS. Looking at wedding catalogs and talked about what we love and don’t love. It was really cool and I started falling in love with him but wasn’t sure if it was mutual, besides I had a damn ring on my finger so even if it was mutual, me having that ring on to most guys would mean ,back off right? lol. So I had to respect myself.
The weekend was over and I went back to my place of primary assignment but I could not stop thinking about the good time I had at his family house. How everyone, including his mother was so welcoming, how safe I felt and really loved that I began to ask myself why we were not together.  Remember I told you I was engaged at the time? Well that wasn’t going so well and I left for Lagos after a year of NYSC and began the job hunt.

As I hoped for a job, I was attending auditions; I have a flair for acting and everything entertainment that it was appropriate at the time. Luckily I got a job as an extra in a popular TV series and for every appearance I made, they paid ten thousand naira. I could get called like twice in a month and the first payment took a month or two. So I thought to myself that I really needed something better. My sister got me something in port-Harcourt so I had to travel there; before then, I had a misunderstanding ( you know ,that type you have with a friend as if you are dating cause you are beginning to have feelings for the person) with this my friend (who turned out to be my ex). So when I got to port-Harcourt, I got a message from him, I replied and we stated chatting up again until I revealed that I was in Port-Harcourt. So he insisted that we see when he gets back from a wedding.

To be continued... Click HERE for part 2
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