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What I'm I Doing With My Life? Part 3

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That was the beginning of our relationship. Dating your best friend is the best feeling in the world and one can only hope it last cause if it doesn’t, you lose your friend forever and for me that’s the worst thing. Port-Harcourt was like a strange land to me; didn’t have relations there, just friends from school (mostly guys) and NYSC days. But this guy was like my friend and family; my weekends were spent at his house and week days at work. We dated for three months but it felt like the longest relationship…in a good way.

Just as every romance have expiry date; ours never really expired, reality just began to set it. He didn’t want to graduate from school; he was meant to graduate same year as me but due to a course or something, he had an extra year and didn’t do anything about it. He had a job that was paying him less to nothing and wasn’t bothered about graduating, serving or getting a decent job. Each time I mention it and try to talk about his future, he brushes it off saying things like: I’m working on it”. He just felt really comfortable where he was and nothing really motivates a guy that has everything (me-the girl he always dreamed of) – to him he is fulfilled and doesn’t have to try so hard.

I on the other hand was having issues at work. Remember my article “why I am currently unemployed?” about being harassed at my job? Yeah, that was the issue I was having and where I was staying was not also comfortable; my roommate (she is married now) was very dirty, her bathroom looked like it had not been cleaned since she moved in. After months of working and not been paid, I could not get an apartment of my own and was beginning to overstay my welcome which involved some occasional night workout (dance precisely) from my roommate, jumping right back to the little bunk bed we share without taking a shower first –I’m sure you can imagine how frustrating that was.

As my best friend (the guy),we talked about everything; what I was going through at work, my plans to be a screen writer and so on. He didn’t really have much plan at the time or maybe he didn’t want to share just yet. The relationship was filled with so much love and friendship but at a point you want more. I never really got closure with my first love; he lives in Port Harcourt as well so I gave him a call. I could not tell why I wanted to see him since I was so happy in my present relationship but I did. Met him at his family house, he offered a meal; we both eat together on the same plate and reminisced on our relationship. I also had a letter he wrote to me while we were dating so I wanted to give it to him. We joked about him being poetic and how crazy I was, he leaned towards me and we kissed.  We were almost having sex when I asked him to stop, that I couldn’t –I didn’t stop because I usually have painful sex but because I didn’t want to make a mistake. We stopped, I pulled my jeans up and decided to leave, as I left, I felt bad that I did what I did when I have a boyfriend; I’m usually the girl that screw things up when things seem to get real. But I decided not to tell him (my boyfriend) since nothing (sex) really happened. That was the last time I saw my first love.

All the while we (me and my best friend) were dating, we never had sex because there was never good place; he lived with his  parents, I lived with a friend in a self-contained apartment, he didn’t have enough money to pay for a hotel room or maybe he didn’t think of that…wouldn’t have loved the idea anyways. With what I was going through at work and my living situation, I told him I have to go back to Lagos.  He offered I stayed with him at his parents’ house but to me that would be like milking the cow for free, leading to too much familiarity…so I politely declined. On one fateful day, I visited him at his office during closing hour and his colleagues had gone.. We sat there, talked, he complimented my Victoria Beckham jeans and we started making out. He took me to a room in the office (I really don’t know why they have that) we were on the bed, making out and taking our clothes off. I thought it was the usual sexless make out but it wasn’t, he was ready to have sex. Somehow, I wasn’t ready; a part of me felt like it was too soon and my body wasn’t ready either; I would get wet and dry really quickly. There was no condom; he didn’t mind, it was just too soon for me. He tried going in but I could feel the pain and it wasn’t just working. And I told him I can’t, that we shouldn’t and he says; “why not”, that we have been dating for a while now and besides I was leaving for Lagos soon. And I said: because I am leaving for Lagos doesn’t mean I won’t be back”.

I became worried as to why it was important we have sex before I leave. He pulled up his pants and walked to the kitchen. I felt bad that I couldn’t give him what he wanted but I was not ready and I hoped he would understand and the fact that our first time would be in his office was going to haunt me for a really long time. So I met him at the kitchen and asked if he was okay and he said we should go but I knew he was not happy. As we walked out of the office and got to my junction, before I could utter anymore words he said I should take care and boarded the next cab to his house. I was worried and wondered what happens now; sex for me is very sacred, though I usually feel pain and my first love was my first and only one, if I was ready I would have endured the pain but I wasn't.

 Click Here for Part 2 and part 4

Check for part 4 same time tomorrow


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