Well I have been single for quite a while, like my last actual relationship was in 2011. The rest have just been flings (without sex I know right? How does that work?) –can you call it that though? Anyways relationships as most people say are ‘complicated’ and it just takes one to meet the right one (is there really a right one – well the one meant for you) for things to just work out. My first relationship was in the university and it was educative, heartbreaking, interesting, you know…a lot.
He was my first love (and first everything) and you know how we ladies hope that whomever we lose our virginity to would be our future husbands? Yeah, I was that lady and it made me have a lot of expectations which was not fair to the guy considering we were quite young. When these expectations were not forthcoming, I became really upset, disappointed and crazy –a lot of things led to that (we all have a little crazy in all of us now, right?). Anyways, that was my past, believe me a lot happened there but this post is about why I am ‘currently’ single, you know… right now. So here goes;
Cause I am unemployed
I’m better off single
You are probably wondering what? Unemployed, what has that got to do with anything? But the truth is, men of these days don’t want a liability – shocker, right? Hmm, not really. I’m sure people in the western world can relate to this, not that they are after your money (I mean western guys); they just don’t like lazy women. Actually working a class woman is sexy to them, you know –independent women. It’s been like that for them but it wasn’t like that in Nigeria but it is now. Back then Nigerian men prefer their women at home ‘in the kitchen and bedroom’, making sure their dinner (food and sex) is ready when they get back while they provide for the home. Women they can control so they can do whatever they want and that’s why you see a Nigerian woman doesn’t care if her husband cheats since she can’t do anything about it – after all he provides, “let me not talk so he won’t stop providing”. But now Nigerian men want their women to take more responsibility; some make their women breadwinners, some just want them to contribute since they realized they can’t do everything alone and so on. So you see, me not having a job means I’m a liability (for the record, I am not. I don’t even fancy asking a guy for money whether I am dating him or not) and in this economy, no guy wants that.I kind of have a problem with sex
The fact that I’m unemployed doesn’t mean they don’t still want sex from me –After all I am attractive so that’s not a problem. These men just want something casual and since most ladies of late give sex like its nothing (not judging just an observation), they expect same from me. Unfortunately for them, sex it’s kind of tough for me – what I mean is, I usually have painful sex and it started from my first and since then I have been really bothered about it. Asides that, I told myself that if I have to live through the pain, it has to be with someone I care about and vice versa. Sadly I have not met that one. After my first I went six years without having sex hoping to meet that one but he never came so I was really frustrated and I met a guy that was quite skilled in painless sex and it just happened. But like every other meaningless relationship after few weeks it ended (the annoying part of it all was that I didn’t even like this guy initially). So yeah, relationships these days without sex, is NO relationship.
Men just want sex, money or fame
Men of these days are not committed or interested in relationships- I mean; married men cheating on their wives and so on. If a married man can see no issue in cheating on his wife, what do you expect from a single guy? Most men I meet are married, divorcees or single confused guys and what they are just looking for is a good time. Though I am not a boring person, there is time for everything and as I grow older, I know what is right for me and what isn’t so I don’t just indulge. Most of them are either in a relationship with you for your body, if you are rich for your money or if you are very popular or influential, for fame. Real men are hard to find nowadays.
Relationship is not what it used to be
I remember way back how when you say someone is your boyfriend/girlfriend it’s a big deal but now, calling someone you boyfriend is like friends with benefits. Back then it was okay for lady in her twenties not to have a boyfriend or be a virgin not this century. Now if you don’t have a boyfriend, it’s like you are cursed or something. During my attempt to start dating again, I realized how awful relationships are; you give a guy your number, he takes you to his house and expects you to have sex with him, cook for him and clean his house. Like they ‘men’ want the perks of being a couple but they want you around their ‘space’ –meaning cook for me, keep my home clean and screw me but don’t wait up. Is that a relationship? Or is she just being a domestic hooker?
Not like I didn’t enjoy some of the real relationships I had but mehn, sometimes being in a relationship can be quite daunting. When you are in a relationship is not about you anymore, it’s about the other person. You can’t just let your hair down, have sloppy days, pursue that career you’ve always wanted (especially when you are young and the job might take you far away from him),you don’t socialize so much cause you don’t want to piss off you partner and so on. In my case being single right now is good for me; as a job seeker, I don’t know where the next job would lead me to and I wouldn’t want to feel bad leaving my boo behind, I can wear whatever I want, I don’t have to do what I don’t want to, I can network now without limiting myself. Maybe for some of you, being in a relationship didn’t stop you from all of these but it did for me. They didn’t really insist I don’t do these things, I just felt obligated not to…
Being too ambitious
Sometimes I ask if my quest for ambition jeopardized my relationships. I’ve always wanted to be great at what I do and be appreciated for it and in the past it made me make decisions that were not favorable to my significant other. But looking back I realized it wasn’t entirely those decisions that ended my relationships, these guys had their own part to play as well. They should have been more supportive and accepted me the way I was, just as I accepted them. So, it’s true being too ambitious can be destructive – as they say, “it’s lonely at the top” but not entirely especially if you were not with the right person in the first place. I am ambitious but I don’t take it to the extreme, if I did I probably won’t be where I am right now.
I want something real
Don’t get me wrong love is a beautiful thing and I hope to have that someday but until I meet that person that just gets me ,that I can be myself around him, that is committed and choose to love me no matter what, I rather remain single. So yes, I’m looking for something real, someone I can grow with, that has the same goal and vision in life.
So there you have it; why I am currently single. Being single is not bad, it’s actually empowering and educative – you learn more about yourself each passing day, you have a clearer vision of who you are and who you want as a partner. Trust me as you get older ,it get more difficult (not meeting someone but who you want as a life partner) but then you don’t get to deal with things you have no business with in the first place and when you finally meet that person, it will be all worth it. Therefore, I am not bothered that I am single now, I’m actually enjoying every minute of it because I know it won’t last forever and when I finally meet the one ,I’ll be ready physically and psychologically. So over to you guys, are you currently single? What’s you experience so far?