I visited him one Sunday (either he comes to my apartment or I go to his) and we got freaky – I’ve never really enjoyed head in my thirty something years, I really don’t know why. Some say it’s probably the guy but I’m thinking what if it’s not *sigh*, they (not all guys I date I give head, just three to be precise) seem to enjoy it when I give them though. Anyways, we were laying on his bed and talking – then he mentions his girlfriend suspecting he has met someone new since she noticed he wasn’t communicating as he used to.
When he said that I just had to know how serious they were cause I had gotten quite deep, so I asked about their relationship and he told me how they met in the university, how he was her knight in shining armor after she failed a class and a lecturer (she dated this same lecturer when they separated for a while, almost married him until she got pregnant for a money-miss-road, he abandoned her and this lecturer called off the engagement) was frustrating her.
Let’s continue the sl@ts’ (I usually don’t call women this but she is a sl@t) story shall we? Okay, so since they were separated, she dated same lecturer that she complained to him about, was engaged to be married and at the same time got pregnant for another man that had money. The big spender dumped her and she lost the lecturer guy… while pregnant she called her ex (my neighbor) and asked if he wants to start over. Being the lover boy that he was, he agreed. They met up, he had no idea she was pregnant, they had sex, he went back to Lagos. They kept in touch (well, resumed the relationship) until he called one day and heard a baby’s voice in the background. After she hung up on him and he tried to understand what was going on (even called her mum), she finally told him the truth. Most men I know would not take her back or continue the relationship but I guess this guy was different or some women are just so lucky. Anyways,when she visited him in Lagos with her kid, she also went to see the baby’s father and guess what? She told him “he raped her”…now do you understand why I call her a sl@t? Alright let’s move on… she is not even worth this story or maybe you enjoyed it, I don’t know.
The thing is, the way this guy was blindly in love (he said they have been through a lot that he doesn’t think anything or anyone can break the bond they have) with this girl got me thinking. I wondered how the fact that I can be ‘stubborn’ sometimes could be a reason for a guy to not want to settle down with me or take me seriously. When I speak my mind or in my First love case, because his best friend and I kissed (few seconds kiss o!) or another because I left to pursue my career – I can’t be forgiven. That was when I realized that a man that wants to be with you will be with you regardless of who you are or used to be, your flaws, your insecurities…it’s not what you do, they chose to love you. So I told myself, well this (my neighbor and i) won’t work out – I want to meet someone that would love me the way he loves his girlfriend, I deserve that. I didn’t tell him this but it was on my mind after he shared that story. Do I think he is being stupid for taking this girl back and that she doesn’t deserve him? Yes! But then aren’t we all fools for love?
He noticed I was keeping my distance and asked what was happening. Since he is very intelligent, he figured out it was because of our talk. And he said things like ‘if I had known I shouldn’t have mentioned it” (yeah… like that would make her not exist). Though I admitted it was part of it, I told him its best we don’t continue since I really don’t see the point of it. Yeah I enjoy his company and it didn’t help that I was attracted to him but I just had to stop. And he said no problem that we would do whatever I want even though he wasn’t okay with it…
Just like every broken relationship, it tends to get awkward if you decide to be friends (well, immediately after a break up) and since we were in the same compound, it made things worse.
I do this thing where when I try to be friends with an ex (was he one? not really…it wasn’t a relationship (and it wasn’t a fling), we just had fun …) or someone I have been intimate with, I sort of have some kind expectations. And when it’s not going the way I hoped, I become resentful and take it out on them by trying to start a fight so we could just not talk to each other anymore…yeah, I know it’s childish but it’s just how I am. And to think with this girls’ behavior and the fact that she graduated with a third class in English and this dude still wants to be with her, just baffles me. Then again, let’s just call it love but seriously; what does he see in her that I don’t have???
I moved back to my mum’s place and it took a while before I settled in. We kept chatting for a while until he started acting annoying. I was confused and unemployed (I told him I was unemployed at some point during our rendezvous) that I just needed a friend and since we were trying the friend thing, I noticing some things about him that I didn’t like – he was judgmental (made me feel like I didn’t know what I was doing with my life. This is also the reason why I try not to open up to people, though it’s not my style, I’m an open book – people tend to take advantage and use it against you).
Anyways, I had to end (not directly but he got the message) whatever it was I was having with the video call guy because I knew I deserve better. It was fun while it lasted and since I had already known about his girlfriend before we started there wasn’t any heart break or rollercoaster emotions whatsoever (besides, I got to do what I had never done before, so it was alright). Therefore, I don’t have any regrets, the experience just made me realize what I really want in a relationship and until I see that I rather remain single
Like I said, I don’t even hang out and chat with my neighbors, talk more of have some intimate stuff with them - I guess it’s cause I was attracted to him the minute I met him. I never expected we would have something, I just admired him. So I guess there is always a first time for everything…do I regret doing what I did, no I don’t! But I never want to do that again or at least not with someone that was in a serious relationship. This post ought to be part of my dating experience chapter right? Well let’s just say it’s a bonus or maybe I just wanted to write about it since that chapter has passed, I don’t live in that house anymore and I just want to get over it.
Part 1 HERE
Part 1 HERE