How is life with you?

Don’t you wish someone would just ask you that? And I’m not saying just for formalities ,like when a guy chat you up and ask “sup”, “how was your day” cause he is just trying to be polite or just thinks that’s what he supposed to do to show that he cares. I’m talking about someone asking “how is life with you” and really mean it. Like they really want to know if you are okay; not just financially, physically and emotionally.
Life is hard, it can be beautiful but it’s really hard especially when things are not going the way you plan them. At thirty something, you (by you I mean me, so chill, lol) are unemployed and boo-less (not in a relationship), living with your mum and wondering when the next good job (or if you are in the creative side) will come around. You can’t even be creative because you are thinking about where the next pay check will come from, you don’t want to get comfortable cause you don’t want your family to think you love being unemployed. I don’t love being unemployed, I like to work, to keep myself busy. When I’m not busy ,I do stupid things I’d regret later –like hooking up with my neighbor (that was one time though) or hooking up with a guy that was crushing on me back in university but also has a girlfriend .

The thing is, I like to be good, no great at something; either I’m doing well in my career or relationship, having both would be a bonus. I just wonder; I don’t have money or work in one big company, yet guys feel so intimidated by me …When I get all these things (money, fame …) what happens then? Really, it scares me, like I can’t even get a teaching job because they feel I’m too well fed to do the job, I don’t look like a teacher or look like I can do the job. I recently went to a primary school to see if I could teach computer science. As I met with the principal, she asked if I have teaching experience apart from my NYSC (national youth service corp) days and I said I don’t but I love to teach “impact knowledge” and she said well “why I asked its cause these are kids and it’s not really easy trying to teach kids”. And I said I understand that I can handle kids, it’s not a problem. I was hoping I would teach primary four to five and it would be part time so I can be able to pursue other things but she was like it would be from primary 1-5 and she asked if I knew coral draw. I told her not so well but I’m good with office and internet – for heaven’s sake these are kids (didn’t say the latter though, that would be rude).

And she was like it’s a British school, what if they go for a competition outside the country and blah blah blah…That they use British curriculum for them and I remembered her talking about how to speak kid’s language and she is talking about coral draw and access? Like when I did my diploma in computer they didn’t even teach access and coral draw, just Microsoft word, excel, power point, internet and networking (that was in 2010 anyways but still….). Then she said if I really want teaching as a career, I should try applying in August against September that schools are on midterm. That I would also be an assistant teacher so I can really understand how teaching works…b-tch!  And guess what I would teach the entire subject as a full time teacher. She has not offered me the job yet, I’d have to wait till august, apply and would be considered for employment. The truth is the past two years have been awful but I have a good way of masking it. Even when I try to be honest and tell some people, they think I am poking fun at them because they believe I am better than them.

Trust me, if not for accommodation that I’m grateful to my sister for paying the rent for my mum and siblings ,I don’t know what I would have done. It’s tough looking for a job in Nigeria, especially when you look a certain way (like you are from a wealthy family when you are not). They expect you to look hungry, ugly and dirty before they believe you need help. Very odd right? Considering other part of the world prefer people that are good looking to represent their company or business. Sometimes I imagine if I’m on the wrong part of the world, that God made a mistake  (but he never makes mistakes) – there is a reason I’m here and why I’m going through what I’m going through. Just like Oprah Winfrey, J K Rowling and some other successful entrepreneurs ,I’d tell my story someday and inspire people not to give up and work with what they have, no matter how small…it will happen for them one day -At least that is what I tell myself when I get discouraged and uninspired.  

It’s not really easy trying to  be creative and broke; I’m going through a lot health wise ,I think its Hidradenitis Suppurativa (they call it acne inversa mostly found around the armpit, groin- mine is on my armpit) but I’m scared to go to the hospital cause that would involve spending a lot of money. Some people say it’s mostly caused by poor diet or food allergy that antibiotics (trust me I’ve tried so many) don’t work but I have no idea what I’m eating that could be causing this. I’ve not added any new food to my diet to trigger such. Guess that’s what the hospital is for right? - Still looking for money to go for that. So guys, I’m not fine…but if you see me and how my skin is glowing you won’t know the pain I’m suffering inside. It’s a lot!

Woke up this morning, thinking about my relationship from eleven years ago; about my first love and why it didn’t work out. Why I’m still single and when I would finally get married. Sometimes I wonder if the guy is in this country, sometimes I wonder if the one that got away was the one... Sometimes I imagine him coming back and asking me to marry him. Other times I wonder if I would ever meet the one or get married. So life is pretty shitty for me. Life is not good –sad but true and thankfully I can share it with you guys whether you believe me or not.

 Everyone is going through something, I know you didn’t ask but I wish you did. So that’s what I’m going through in a nutshell. How about you? How is life with you? This is a safe space – I might not be able to help you financially at the moment but I can offer you some great advice whether it’s financial advice, relationship advice, family drama, work matters (don’t mind that I’m unemployed, lol no seriously don’t)…I would like to know how life is treating you. Is it shitty like mine, average or great (we could all use some positivity)?